Sahm housework help

[Duckingfun]

Please be kind as I’m struggling right now.

My house isn’t good enough. Its better than every house I lived in as a child and with my ex. Obviously I accept I’m used to it as it’s my ‘normal’ but it’s not because professionals say it’s not good enough.

I’m also autistic, homeless at 16 and never been taught to cook/clean/wash/whatever. I have no partner, no family and no friends (we moved away from friends because of dv and all my family have died or live elsewhere) ss involved due to dv and stayed involved due to poor house conditions.

I find housework really boring and mundane and when I do it it’s not good enough. I hoovered the living room and was told it didn’t look like it had been hoovered - I have a toddler and a teen, both asd etc and life is hard but I’m told there’s people in my situation with health problems, no support and 5+ disabled children whose house is spotless. How?
One social worker says house is ok 9/10 times and the other says it’s not and both say that’s not good enough anyway it needs to be spotless 10/10 times. Im crying because I’m overwhelmed and don’t feel I can physically do that? What do you do when you’re sick? Is it really that bad to leave the pots for the following day or only hoover once a day etc

I need to know exactly what you do each day to maintain your home. Tell me what products you use where, your cleaning routine if you have one, how you keep on top of stuff. How much time should be spent cleaning each room? How often do you wash bedding etc is being a sahm just endless cleaning?

thank you.

How the house was before it was 100% neglect and I hold my hands up to that. I was struggling massively, grieving my parents, had a horrific birth experience etc etc and I was unable to cope so I called social services and told them everything, I have been working and will continue to work with them.
Now it’s a case of proving consistency, iss are happy but sw isn’t so I think their opinions of what’s good enough definitely come into it. It seems most people’s ‘deep clean’ is my daily clean which is why I’m struggling and feeling overwhelmed. So yes there was huge concerns but now it’s about maintaining it and showing consistency etc

Thank you so much! It’s so kind of you to take your time to help me and I’ve screen grabbed it all. I’m feeling a lot more positive now 😊

It sounds to me like the Social Worker is overstepping her duty here.

A house isn't "dirty" because there are pots on the side or a few crumbs on the floor.

I feel she is taking advantage of your autism and almost bullying you.

To clarify, I don’t walk around the house all the time with antibacterial wipes. I made that suggestion to the OP to help her ‘clean as she goes’ as it was clear she is very overwhelmed. I thought this might be an easy way for her to get on track and to keep on top of everything for the moment.

It sounds like you have 2 issues. Cleaning and Tidying. The most important is the cleaning. It is dull and endless. The best way to deal with it is to have a weekly schedule. And a monthly for the things that don't need done as often. At a bare minimum you need to weekly deal with the bathroom and kitchen.

Bathroom
Deep clean toilet (wipe under toilet seat and all around and add toilet cleaner in bowl)
Full clean of sink and bath including taps bathroom spray
Clean mirror
Mop floor

Kitchen. Get all crockery and cutlery and food/packaging rubbish from all around house into kitchen and do all washing up. Take out all bins (after putting all house rubbish in). Clear all kitchen surfaces so nothing but appliances on them and wipe everything down with kitchen spray
Brush and then mop floor
Clean hob
Quick wipe of microwave if you have one.

If those 2 rooms are done weekly and you Hoover other rooms once every week- couple of weeks I think most social workers will think they are ok. I'm sure there will be cleaner houses but you need ok not show home. A dirty bathroom and kitchen are what make a place feel unhygienic.

Pick a day of the week for each and stick to it.

set yourself a goal to clean a room a day

Fuck that shit, life's too short to "clean a room a day" 😂

We adopt the clean/tidy as you go approach.

Finished with that magazine? In the recycling or in the magazine rack.

Finished using that phone charger? Put it away.

Finished making a meal? Wipe the worktops, top of hob (if used) and wash the dishes.

Finished in the shower? Wipe the shower down.

Finished in the bath? Wipe round the bath.

Last person to do their teeth before bed wipes the sink down.

Bins get emptied as and when they're full.

That way the only "big" jobs are things like changing the beds (get the teen to do his own), hoovering/dusting (bedrooms done when beds get changed, living room as and when it looks like it needs it!) and cleaning the oven (DH job!)

Sorry you're feeling so bad. Sounds like SWs are being vague and unhelpful and it's understandably making you feel worse. Could you ask for their help in drawing up a realistic daily plan?

I never have a spotless house. It's clean enough to be healthy and comfortable but somebody could easily find fault in my house if they tried! Sounds like they are quite unreasonable - I would never dream of cleaning bathroom every day unless for example a kid had got poo everywhere! I clean bathroom once a week, hoover maybe twice a week and do dishes, wipe down kitchen tops and sweep the kitchen floor after the evening meal. Tips for making cleaning easier:

Get wireless headphones and listen to a good podcast or YouTube videos to make it less boring.
Clean up as you go as much as you can, so it doesn't get overwhelming - wipe up any spills straight away, encourage kids to put toy away before they get out a new one etc.

You can download and print off checklists that tell you how often to do certain things - eg dishes daily, change sheets fortnightly, wipe skirting boards monthly. Tick it off through the month so you can remove some of the overwhelm and make it concrete so you know you've done "enough".

Just want to say well done op for asking for help!
You have lots of tips and ideas here- I just wanted to say make sure the things you are cleaning with are clean, so clean cloth for wiping up spills etc otherwise you are just rubbing the mess around and make sure your Hoover is working properly- bag not full etc
Get storage, washing in a basket looks much better than washing on the floor, it signals that you are about to do something with it - either, wash, fold etc

Hi @Duckingfun, one thing to check regularly is your hoover and whether the brush at the bottom is clogged or if the hose attachment is partially clogged. If either has hair/fur/dust wrapped around it then you'll waste a lot of time hoovering for little gain.

With microfibre cloths (which I love!), again make sure they're dust-free and clean when you use them, otherwise you'll spread dirt around. Use a feather duster first to get the main dust off, then clean with one MF cloth, and then give a quick wipe with a less fluffy second one (in fact a shammy or glass cleaning cloth is best). That way you'll end up with no dust residue or fluff on the surface and it'll look cleaner for longer (I find after a few washes my MF cloths do get a bit fluff-filled, especially as I have cats!).

Last advice, buy cleaning tools that make you happy - if you buy something that makes you smile, you'll be more inclined to use it. E.g. spending slightly more on a design/colour/pattern you like. Keep some cleaning products discretely tucked away in each room so you can spot clean. If you struggle with lugging out a big vacuum every day, then use a handheld vacuum instead or a good quality dustpan and brush for spot-cleaning.

For what it's worth, my house is not spotless 24/7 but can be quickly made to look so within an hour or two. It's unrealistic for a house to look perfect all the time.

1. your housework sounds fine. Make a list of what needs doing weekly the put loud music on and do it with your teenager!

2. cooking is easy and much cheaper than pre made food. Buy a basics book second hand and learn. Get teenager to help and do it together

3. absolutely declutter. It makes you feel so less stressed. Remember people are far more important that stuff!

Thank you!
have unclogged the hoover, someone mentioned a filter, who knew you had to clean that. I feel so stupid.
am doing as pp suggested and using the weekend for a big clean, getting frustrated at moving dust around but now I know I need to use more than one cloth!

There’s loads of you tubes about cleaning. There’s also a list of jobs somewhere on the internet that you can print off and tick as you go so you know what you did when and get to grips the frequency you need to do some things because you don’t need to do all the things all the time.
Beds changed weekly -i have a set day for high temp washes - so that’s bedding and towels. Bathroom day (worst day), spare room office and bedroom one day. Hall and lounge day. And finally kitchen day. Nothing takes the whole day and if you do it regularly you get quicker and it takes less work. all other washing gets done as we go when there’s a full load. I do find little and often is the best way to stop it getting overwhelming.

I could never get on with the organised mum method. My preferred website is https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/

the blitz the house section is excellent, it helps me to not obsess on one small thing like scrubbing the grout for example, and encourages me to focus on toning down the whole mess in stages whilst ensuring I get regular breaks. I’m pretty sure I have adhd so I really struggle with staying focused/not obsessed on something random.

Once the house is at an acceptable level overall, I find regular decluttering and doing small tasks that take 5-10 mins frequently helps me. Too much on my list of things to do and I get overwhelmed, so just saying to myself that I’ll unload/load the dishwasher whilst the kettle boils really helps as it’s a small manageable task.

For cleaning products I love dettol. For pretty much everything apart from the floor, I just use flash (or knock off) diluting floor cleaner. Fairy power spray is amazing for really fatty dirty stuff, and magic erasers are a god send if you have a kid like one of mine who colours where she shouldn’t/sticky finger print marks on wall etc. And harpic limescale remover (black bottle) for loos, whack it in and leave it for half an hour so minimal scrubbing.

Little and often is what works for me. My house is nowhere near show home level, providing I stick to my little and often it’s generally clean enough that I feel happy with it rather than overwhelmed and defeated.

I just wanted to comment on this because I know a similar situation where mum was accused of neglect because their DC wasn't walking and the DC's SEN was ignored. If you haven't got one already ask for a SEN social worker so things can be put in place for your DC rather than nothing being done as the SW is putting it down to neglect. Good luck x

Thank you, I will do x

have done as pp suggested and had a major deep clean, declutter. Have come to the conclusion that the house is sometimes scruffy (bookshelves not neat, dd drew on the wall, cushions on the floor etc) rather than dirty. So I have been decluttering, organising, painting the walls and scrubbed everything from door handles to skirting boards to the smoke alarms 🙈
have a delivery this evening to solve storage problems, mainly for ds room so that’s my plan for tonight.

i just want to say thank you to you all again for being helpful and kind!

Well done, OP - that sounds brilliant!