Sahm housework help

[Duckingfun]

Please be kind as I’m struggling right now.

My house isn’t good enough. Its better than every house I lived in as a child and with my ex. Obviously I accept I’m used to it as it’s my ‘normal’ but it’s not because professionals say it’s not good enough.

I’m also autistic, homeless at 16 and never been taught to cook/clean/wash/whatever. I have no partner, no family and no friends (we moved away from friends because of dv and all my family have died or live elsewhere) ss involved due to dv and stayed involved due to poor house conditions.

I find housework really boring and mundane and when I do it it’s not good enough. I hoovered the living room and was told it didn’t look like it had been hoovered - I have a toddler and a teen, both asd etc and life is hard but I’m told there’s people in my situation with health problems, no support and 5+ disabled children whose house is spotless. How?
One social worker says house is ok 9/10 times and the other says it’s not and both say that’s not good enough anyway it needs to be spotless 10/10 times. Im crying because I’m overwhelmed and don’t feel I can physically do that? What do you do when you’re sick? Is it really that bad to leave the pots for the following day or only hoover once a day etc

I need to know exactly what you do each day to maintain your home. Tell me what products you use where, your cleaning routine if you have one, how you keep on top of stuff. How much time should be spent cleaning each room? How often do you wash bedding etc is being a sahm just endless cleaning?

thank you.

@Duckingfun
Do you have pets? That might be why the SW are saying you need to clean more often. I would concentrate on one room every day for cleaning but keep it as tidy as you can, make sure the rubbish is taken out every day.
Start in one corner of the room and clean, and move around the room making sure everything is vacuumed, moving furniture, doing the skirting boards, etc. Get a big pole duster and do the ceilings, light fittings etc.
I know it might be wasteful but for the short term get a big pack of the thick cleaning wipes from Amazon and clean everything with those, window frames, counters, wipe the furniture etc.
Next day do another room.
Keep on top of the laundry and clean your front door and outside every week also.

Could you afford to hire a cleaner once or twice a week for some extra help? And then you do a some touch up cleaning on the days cleaner isn't there? Clear/neat kitchen sides/sink/ floor and bathroom sink/ bath/floor are most important to giving the illusion of being clean imo. Do you have a dishwasher that you could load daily? We don't and I bloody hate it. Usually have a sink soaking or plates drying. Do you have storage boxes for toys if they are left out and about? If everything can be put away it may be easier to keep clean so you can see what's been done/needs doing. Previous poster mentioned listening to a podcast - I can absolutely recommend this as I find it far less boring if I'm listening to something. Hope this helps a little.

Antibacterial wipes are your friend carry them around the house and wipe all surfaces / door handles / light switches / anything! Wipe the kitchen surfaces everytime you use them and the bathroom sinks and taps and toilet seats as you go to bed. Stick bleach in the toilet at bedtime too. Hoover once a day ( I like to after breakfast) mop twice a week ( unless you have a dog then you might need to do it more) try and make sure everything has a home and put it back as soon as you’ve used it.

deep clean on the bathrooms / showers etc once a week ( I do a bathroom a day so mine get done every 4 days but we are large family )

change bed clothes once a week on rotation and towels too. You can totally do this! Write a list, let yourself have a break everytime you tick something off.

I’m so sorry the social workers are making you feel like this. I think you’re absolutely right to ask them to be very specific. I would even suggest asking them to write it down. That way, you can tick things off and know you’re doing them, and if their requests are unreasonable it will also be documented in case you need to show someone else that in the future. And just a big hug. Housework is boring and I have no idea about lots of it too. You’re not alone.

I’m thinking maybe OP has pets. It’s strange because we love our little fur children so much that I think we often overlook how dirty it can seem!

We had beautiful floor to ceiling curtains which were made for our windows and looked stunning. For days our cats litter stunk around the house and we keep his litter very clean so we couldn’t understand where the smell was coming from. Our house is kept clean and I couldn’t find if he had pooped anywhere…. Turns out he had made himself a new throne behind the bottom of one of the floor length curtains the little bugger 😂

i wash sheets once a week!

I'm surprised SW and such are venting these opinions as the normal stance is it's your lifestyle choice. As long as it's not dangerous.

Can you post pictures? Then we can see what or where you could be struggle.

1. I keep a minimal home - homely but not cluttered.
2. I do a little something each day.
3. Clean up mess as it happens I.e crumbs in the fridge or spillages in the microwave.
4. Everything has a home (all medicines in one box, stationary one draw etc), toy storage,
5. Hoover and mop one day do upstairs another.
6. I keep a space in cupboard for items outgrown or no longer wanted to then bag up and drop off into a charity bin.
7. I organise my kids clothing draws so I can see exactly what they have.
8. Having too much stuff can be overwhelming and adds to the stress of more to look after and work around.
9. I go through the kids room with them to help them stay on top of their own admin. (Dispose of their secret litter stash and missing socks)

10. The kids have some light chores too, keep own room polished and hoovered, strip bed x 1 per week / fortnight.

Cleaning products -

Bleach spray - surfaces, door handles etc
Cream cleaner - toilets, bath and shower.
Vinegar - windows
Steam mop.

Unfortunately when the house was really bad part of the plan to move forward was to rehome my 2 dogs so no pets now. It’s weird because I miss them so much and I feel like not having them has negatively effected my mental health but also not having them has made things easier. We have a random cat that comes to visit that I’m trying to keep out though

Sounds like you need to do a good blitz, then just maintain. Skirting boards once cleaned will last ages, it's just a case of run the hoover brush attachment over them every so often to keep on top.

For daily bathroom clean I would understand that to mean, no kiddy pee on the seat or floor, no poo stains in the toilet and not tooth paste splatted in the sink, all quick fixes. I don't think they mean a full on bathroom cleanse everyday.

Thank you, I think mess as it happens is something I need to do. As soon as something is out of sight it ceases to exist and that only has to happen a few times for it to be overwhelming.
I have had a major declutter before the big clean, maybe I need to do it again. I had a very unsettled childhood and left everything behind so many times and we moved here through a refuge and I lost everything again, I definitely buy too much stuff - I think I hope it will give me purpose or make me happy but I definitely go overboard. For example if I decide I want to crochet a jumper, rather than buying a hook and ball of yarn I’ll buy a hook set, a bag, 25 balls of yarn, 14 books, blockers and stitch markers and anything else remotely related to crochet. I did think I was doing better with that but I’m going to have a good, proper look, and see where I can declutter. I think clothes is a good place to start, how many outfits do you think someone needs? My dd has far too many clothes, in my defence, toddler clothing is hard to resist!

Sorry to reply again!
when I asked for help it was dangerous, unhygienic, stairs blocked, stuff on the floor etc they’ve said they expect high standards 100% of time so I can prove things won’t slip back to being that bad, I can understand it I suppose but it’s still upsetting and frustrating

Sorry but who does all this?!

It's not necessary if she's at social worker intervention level, it means the basics aren't done

I’m sorry to hear OP, you’ve really had a bad time of everything.

Please know that all this will pass! I do think SS need to be helping you out more and showing exactly where the issues fall. As I said earlier I hate doing cleaning and force myself by listening to YouTube but what we do is;

-Washing up and kitchen sides daily.
-Make my bed as soon as I get up.
-We have laundry on alot of the time. I wear things once then put a smaller load on a quicker wash I find this easier than having massive loads to do else it just gets on top of me and piles out of the washing basket. It’s also easier to pop out these smaller loads to dry too (and I don’t run out of radiator space!)

-hoover a few times a week (daily around the litter tray)
-Bathroom clean twice a week

-bedsheets once a week

-skirting boards etc are like every 2 weeks
mop when I feel like the floor looks grubby (I spot mop as I go if needs) same with dusting.

Try starting with one thing at a time and adding it into a routine :) you’ve absolutely got this!

I try and keep up with the kitchen and bathroom daily, and if those rooms are ok (not spotless daily, but ok) then other things can slide, as life is too short to spend it making a house spotless! I like a lived in coat home. Personally, what I would do is one room at a time and not move onto another room until it’s finished. Think of it as a deep clean to start off with and then it will be easier to maintain. De clutter- anything you can take to charity shop/ tip/ sell etc. also with a de clutter it’s easier to clean as you won’t be moving stuff / cleaning around stuff all the time. And of course it’s not much to clear up if it’s not so cluttered in the first place. Look at getting an ikea Kallax, or some other kind of storage such as wooden boxes, chests and wicker baskets for toys or whatever. Look up the 5 minute mum method- I love that one!
work out something that works for you- a rota maybe where everyone in the house has jobs to do? If you do what I do, with the kitchen and bathroom being clean and hygienic every day, you shouldn’t have any social workers moaning at you! Wash and wipe up and put away as you go along if it’s easier for you to spend 10 mins doing a chore rather than leaving it and it taking longer. Spray a bit of your cleaning spray over the sides and wipe with a damp cloth, then dry. Sweep floors, mop every other day. I swear by fairy washing up liquid or clean with! I also love method cleaning sprays, flash on the floors, bleach only for the toilets. I love scented candles to make house smell lovely! Back to de cluttering- once you’ve got more space to hoover the floors it will be and look a lot better! Maybe put in some rules if you don’t have them already around eating food in certain rooms (in our house it’s no food upstairs) but at the end of the day, social workers in my experience, don’t usually care about mess. They want to see that a child has food in the fridge. a safe and clean bed (make sure the bedding is always clean and they always have bedding on unless it’s in the wash ) a safe space to play in- which again might come back to de cluttering. Is your house totally safe for your youngest child? Do you have pets? Just thinking houses can look untidier / unclean with pet hairs etc or pet smell (we have dogs) … but honestly, you sound completely
‘normal’ , you have a lived in home, and you find housework boring- Same girl, same 🤦🏻‍♀️
not sure if any of that helped but to try sum it up-

• initial deep clean which may take a weekend to do. Each room sort out clutter and tidy
• make yourself some daily chores such as kitchen and bathroom and do not stress over the rest
• clean bedding (wash at least once weekly)
• house rules and cleaning rota
• cleaning products - washing up liquid, method sprays, flash, scented candles
• safe environment for child
• Wash up dry up and put away after each meal to save time
• check out 5 minute mum method

God I'm shit at housework but people compliment my house - it's big and modern so that helps but here's my routine. I had a shit upbringing so no prior knowledge before being an adult of how to keep a place clean. By Mumsnet standards I'm a complete slattern.

• clean bathrooms once a week. Spray Flash bleach spray over sink and loo, then use running tap and sponge to clean using rubber gloves, get right in there with the loo.

• sweep downstairs (laminate) maybe once a week. Mop it maybe once a month.

• Husband in charge of hoovering so that happens max once monthly. Rugs downstairs and carpets upstairs.

• Kitchen is open plan so I am more on it with that. Dishwasher is a total game changer. Everything goes in there at end of day / during day and run at end of day. Anything that didn't fit gets chucked in sink to be dealt with the next day.

• Tidying is the First Step. If you were brought up like me, you are used to shit everywhere. My friend has a saying 'a place for everything and everything has a place' and also the thing about if something isn't either useful or beautiful then get rid of it.

• finally having a messy or unclean house is not a sign of immorality or that you are not a valid, fabulous and effective human! <feminist rant> we are too often reduced to the state of our houses. It's a very British obsession. If nobody has food poisoning or getting bugs from dirty loos, you're doing absolutely fine. Clean clothes are a bonus. Food 3 times a day is the e only thing that social services could possibly criticise you on - that's the basic

Thank you that’s really helpful! Declutter and deep clean this weekend 💪

it is safe and the living room which doubles as the playroom was safe even when the house was at its worse. It’s also payday on Monday so I’ll have the funds to try and sort out storage and have someone do a tip run or something.

Thank you so much I really appreciate that!

You ASKED for help. Give yourself some credit, as that takes STRENGTH to do. PleSe continue to be honest with them. You are not failing at mum life / adulting by saying ‘hey, look, I’m doing 10000x better than I was when I first asked you for help SW, but I still need some help and guidance with how to keep my house a clean and safe environment for my family, whilst making sure I’m feeling mentally healthy and strong enough to be raising my children, with the challenges that our extra needs brings us. I would appreciate your support with this, so I can keep moving forwards. Thank you for working with me.’ - keep co operating and admit when you still need support. Sometimes SS can help refer you to a service such as home start, where a volunteer can come round once or twice a week and support you with something just like this. You’re not alone! And give yourself a 10 out of 10 for admitting you needed help and still do. You have clearly come a long way. Be proud of that.

I’m glad you got something from that, as I was aware I went off rambling 🤣 if you’re on face book marketplace, see if anyone is giving away any storage type things in your area, or if not free- cheap! I always go second hand first for that type of thing. Save your pennies for something nice for you after all this cleaning 💪

Lots of great practical help in this thread.

I just wanted to add that I loathe housework - find it mind-numbingly boring. For people like us, the best thing to do is keep the home as tidy and clutter-free as possible. The less mess we make, the less there is to clean up and the more time you have for something more interesting. Look after yourself!

Priorities should be
1.No stuff on the stairs - it will be considered a hazard, so train yourself not to leave things there.

1. Kitchen - get into the habit of wiping down surfaces
2. Living space - if your daughter is learning to walk she needs a clean safe space to practice in.

To achieve 2 and 3, have a policy about where you all eat. Wherever you decide eat (table / breakfast bar) then stick to eating there. Cleaning is a pain, so this reduces the workload. A good soundtrack also helps. You can do this. Loads of us were born without a cleaning gene, but there are ways to make it easier. It is more stressful with professionals monitoring. One way to simplify is to reduce the number of decisions to make. Don't buy any more craft supplies until this is sorted, they breed in the night! If you have a lot to get rid of ask the SW for a skip. Or funded nursery time so you can get the job done (with a friend and music, it really is dull otherwise!)

There are lots of you tube channels or online blogs about cleaning, like Mrs Hinch, so lots of places to get ideas from. But leaving pots until the next day, not cleaning bathrooms every day - those are normal life. Very gently OP, since ASD can cause difficulties with communications, is it worth asking the social workers to put their expectations in writing so there is no room for misunderstanding? Because I dont think I have ever met someone who cleans their bathroom every day!

Thank you, I have asked for them to write things down and they’re going to print the photos taken after the big clean so I have a visual aid as well. I didn’t say a word until I was 5 and only to my mum until I was 12 and communication has always been difficult so no offence taken at all! I was only recently diagnosed because back then only boys had autism 🤦‍♀️

A lot of really good advice here, such kind supportive sentiments too. I would second getting The Organised Mum book, she explains tasks and makes you feel you can keep up with them. Also try to reframe how you see housework- more as in creating a calm and safe space for yourself and your family. You deserve a nice , peaceful home to relax in at the end of the day. Just doing little things consistently will make the difference, good luck and best wishes Duckingfun

It sounds like you need to do a combo of reducing mess and clutter and actual cleaning. A few extra ideas:

• a pp mentioned making the beds every day and I would second this and say it’s more important than washing bedding every week as it makes the place look presentable and well looked after. Washing sheets every two weeks is fine IMO unless they’re visibly dirty or someone has got very hot and sweaty in them!
• the example you have before about the crochet does suggest you still have too much stuff so a big clear out will help. Whatever you choose to keep, ensure it’s in proper storage. My DMs flat always looks messy and part of the reason for that is that she keeps all her stuff in random bags and overflowing boxes and all piled up without any order or logic. Even when her place is clean is still feels like it’s not because stuff is everywhere and you can see stuff spilling out all over the place
• keep worktops and work surfaces clear and clean
• No shoes indoors and store them neatly
• hoovering and wiping has the biggest impact on how clean somewhere looks. If I’m doubt, wipe down everywhere and then hoover.