Sahm housework help

[Duckingfun]

Please be kind as I’m struggling right now.

My house isn’t good enough. Its better than every house I lived in as a child and with my ex. Obviously I accept I’m used to it as it’s my ‘normal’ but it’s not because professionals say it’s not good enough.

I’m also autistic, homeless at 16 and never been taught to cook/clean/wash/whatever. I have no partner, no family and no friends (we moved away from friends because of dv and all my family have died or live elsewhere) ss involved due to dv and stayed involved due to poor house conditions.

I find housework really boring and mundane and when I do it it’s not good enough. I hoovered the living room and was told it didn’t look like it had been hoovered - I have a toddler and a teen, both asd etc and life is hard but I’m told there’s people in my situation with health problems, no support and 5+ disabled children whose house is spotless. How?
One social worker says house is ok 9/10 times and the other says it’s not and both say that’s not good enough anyway it needs to be spotless 10/10 times. Im crying because I’m overwhelmed and don’t feel I can physically do that? What do you do when you’re sick? Is it really that bad to leave the pots for the following day or only hoover once a day etc

I need to know exactly what you do each day to maintain your home. Tell me what products you use where, your cleaning routine if you have one, how you keep on top of stuff. How much time should be spent cleaning each room? How often do you wash bedding etc is being a sahm just endless cleaning?

thank you.

Hi, you have got lots of good advice in the thread so far!

My tips would be, reduce clutter and have fixed places for things. Eg. Kids puzzles go in particular shelf, lego in another, magnatiles in another etc. Show this to your kids too. They will pick it up. My 3 year old is very good at tidying up and even tells me off if I put things in the wrong place. 😂

To stay on top of things clean things then and there. Do not procrastinate! So if someone spills wotsits on the floor, pick it up and clean it off before someone else comes along and tramples on it and walks all over the house with it! I love a handheld hoover for small spills and to dust crumbs. Has really helped to keep things clean post having kids.

For toilets, before sleeping at night put some harpic or duck toilet cleaner into the toilets. You can brush and flush in the morning. Sinks need a spray with cif bathroom cleaner and wipe daily. Rest of the bathroom you can do weekly.

In your kitchen, if you have a dishwasher load all pots and pans at night and switch it on. Else wash all dishes. Spray and clean counters and hob. I use flash. I also sweep and mop kitchen and entrance hallway daily as I have tiles and not carpets.

Have sufficient bins around the house to put things which need to be discarded. So toilet should have a bin, one near the baby changing table, kitchen etc. Put bin bags in all bins, so that it is easy to empty. Bins should be emptied as soon as they are full. This ensures you don’t have garbage lying around and creating unnecessary clutter. It is also unhygienic.

I only hoover the entire house once a week. Bathrooms also get full clean once a week, I have 4 to do. Bedsheets get changed once a week and same for towels. Stay on top of laundry and fold and keep it away daily.

Keeping house is hardwork. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And keeping a nice home is even harder. But think of it as a safe and happy environment for your kids. And also that you are setting a wonderful example for them to learn from. I am sure you can do this! All the best!

Do you have a friend, family member or advocate who can be there with you when SW visits, so that they can be a second pair of eyes or ears?
Would you be prepared to share some photos of your home here, as you MNetters will tell you what they think (kindly and constructively I hope!).
A messy home is NOT classed as neglect, unless the mess presents any hazards or ill effect(s) upon the wellbeing (emotional or physical) of children.
I've had Family Services involved on and off since my nearly 6 year old twins were born and we've had 6 SWs and 2 Family Workers, none of whom have ever passed comment upon the state of my flat (which has been a total state at times (combination of being physically disabled, AuDHD and having long term MH problems).

Told by who???

There’s no way I will ever hoover every day. If it gets done once a week I’m happy.

Bathrooms get a proper clean every week. Toilets get a quick cleanse every day. I change bedding and towels once a week. Wash hard floors once a week.

Dishes are done every day- I never leave dirty dishes at night as I like to come down to a clean kitchen. Work surfaces wiped down several times a day as needed.

Me? Many many people? This is the basics!!

Unfortunately both my parents died within a few months of each other in 2021 and in 2022 we were in a refuge in a different county to my friends. That contributed to everything getting out of hand, lack of support and feeling isolated.

@boomingaround told by social workers. As I explained upthread their concern is that if it’s not spotless 24/7 it means things are getting bad again. I have to prove it won’t happen again for them to sign me off.

Your Social worker has told you that your house must always be spotless?

Yes. I have a social worker and intensive support. Is have said house is fine 9/10 times she’s been and things have been done when she’s asked. So 1/10 times they’ll be washing on the floor or pots in the sink and she will tell me to sort it and I will. She sees me several times a week. Sw sees me once every 10 days or less and has said 9/10 isn’t good enough and being ok or fine isn’t good enough. It needs to be spotless 10/10 times.

@Duckingfun I just can't believe this is accurate. No-ones house is spotless 100% of the time. Are you sure you aren't either misinterpreting what they are saying or not noticing how bad things are getting so you're understanding of spotless is very different to the average person?

Is your little one is nursery at all? When are you doing all of this cleaning?

There's a balance, yes - the house has to be cleaned regularly and sanitary. And while some mess is fine, too much clutter can get in the way of your child having space to play and develop.

But if you're caring full time for your child, I would be concerned that you're having to prioritise doing all of this housework (some of which sounds quite frankly unnecessary) over spending time with your DC and getting out of the house with them.

It doesn't take a huge amount of effort to keep your house clean in all honesty.

I clean my bathroom and downstairs toilet once a week, then I mostly just do maintenance cleaning the rest of the time. Hoovering, sweeping and keeping the kitchen sides clean. Don't let your toddler eat walking around to make mess, they should be sat at a table.

Potentially you’re right. I struggle with communication and hopefully it’s a case of it doesn’t have to be spotless 100% of the time.
Ive not been well the last few weeks (unending nausea with migraines sprinkled on top every few days) and I’ve tried to keep on top of everything but maybe some things have been missed.
As I said before I’ve never been in a house that has been regularly cleaned and I’ve been winging it my whole life plus I just don’t understand some things. So potentially there’s something I think is fine and isn’t, hopefully on Monday it will be more specific and they can say exactly what the problem is or where they think things are slipping etc

A few years ago, I used a website called Flylady.com

The website is all about housekeeping routines. A daily set of tasks. A daily 15 minute declutter. Then each room was a zone and you’d deep clean one a week. It was great for helping set routines.

I sat down one day and wrote a list of all the cleaning I felt needed doing. Then I decided how often everything needed doing. Then I made a master list of everything that needs to be cleaned every week on a four weekly rota. So some things are on there more than once a week (the toilet, for instance!) and some only come up every four weeks (this is stuff like sorting out a set of shelves where things tend to get dumped).

I have this list on my computer and print a new one off every four weeks. Then if I've got five or ten minutes, I can look at my list, pick a cleaning job and get it done and cross it off. I don't have to waste mental energy working out what to do, I just do what's on the list. (Obviously if I notice something dirty that's not on the list, I'll deal with that too.) It's a system that works for me. I did find that to start with, I kept having to add jobs I'd forgotten when I wrote the list, but I haven't had to add one in ages now.

(An additional advantage for me is that DH and I can both use the list with no need for any discussions about what needs doing - as long as we both remember to cross jobs off when done. I don't know whether your teen is ever up for helping with cleaning, but if they are, having a list to hand in case a helpful urge strikes them could be useful )

There are other routine bits of cleaning that don't go on the list, just because we're in the habit of always doing them. So things like sweeping the floor after eating (we find with a toddler this does have to be done after every single meal), or wiping down the kitchen counters after cooking. You could try putting those on a list but I'm not sure it would work. If you always eat at the same time, phone reminders might help you get into good habits maybe?

What kind of vacuum cleaner do you have? Sounds like yours may not be working too well. I've got one of those Flash dust magnet things, it has an extending handle so I start in one corner of a room, go all round the ceiling and light fittings,tops of pictures, table tops, round the radiators and finally skirting boards. Then you can just bin the fluffy head when it's full of dust. They are a bit expensive but I get refills on Amazon which are reasonable. Takes me about 5 minutes to do a room then hoover, job done. Another trick I learned recently is to spray some Mr Sheen on a dry cloth and use that for shining up or sticky marks. Smells nice too so just before the sw arrives, give a squirt of it as air freshener, just a bit, high into the room. Always put the light on in any room before you start cleaning, makes it easier to see what's there

IME, it completely depends on the SW. You can get one say a house is really not good enough and then another will say it's absolutely fine.

Am I the only one that doesn't think bedclothes need changing every week? Especially kids' if they bath before bed?

Wiping the kitchen sides every single time you use them (even if just making a cup of tea?!) plus wiping sinks, taps and toilet every evening is not the basics. There is no need to tip bleach down the loo every night Providing no pets, floors don't need to be hoovered more than once/twice a week. And nobody should be so paranoid about cleanliness that they are carrying antibacterial wipes around with them inside the home.

I'd like to see that SW house!

I'd bet my house it isn't 100% spotless!

Houses always look like they might be dirty if they're messy.

But if you follow some of the suggestions on here you'll be on top of it in no time.

And I can't remember the last time I cleaned a skirting board...😳

People sweat in bed and shed skin. It’s very much a personal choice and what you’re comfortable with. I always changed my children’s beds once a week, my mother never changed our beds for months on end which is probably why I change ours so regularly. I often change our beds twice a week in summer because we prefer fresh bedlinen.

Edited to say in winter the beds are changed every week as a minimum.

Oh op, I wish I could come with you to your social worker and say many many normal functioning people don’t clean bathrooms every day because who the hell has the time?? People in positions of power who tell vulnerable people things like that should be shot. I hope this thread helps you.
many people hate tidying, can I ask, do you love sitting down ina clean tidy room? If so is that something you can channel as motivation? Make your bed, put your clothes away, sit down and go how nice and tidy! Then move to another room and do that :)

From your posts it does sound like you struggle to keep a level of cleanliness that’s bordering on neglect of the children especially if intensive support are visiting several times a week and SW are visiting every 10 days or less. Everyone’s definition of cleanliness is different but I do know there’s a basic level SW expect.

Whether people like it or not there’s certain indicators SW have to follow with suspected neglect cases and that includes cleanliness of homes.

There’s been some great advice on this thread for helping you manage to keep your house clean and tidy. You’re “fine” may not SW’s “fine” and my advice would be to work with them and take the advice the agency providing intensive support is giving.

Oh do be quiet.

Social Workers don’t get involved for no reason. They’re normally involved for Child Protection or neglect when a dirty house is a mitigating indicator. If you have no idea of how Child Protection concerns work then please don’t try and downplay them. The OP also has intensive support meaning another agency is going in to advise due to whatever other concerns there is. A social worker doesn’t visit every 10 days or less unless there’s CP concerns. Do you REALLY think Social Workers take CP concerns as an “abuse of power”? Yes of course they should all be shot shouldn’t they?

I don’t think I’ve ever read a post as uneducated on here before.

I think you're right about 'general air of clean enough ' of course not seen your place at all but you can definitely get away with less when you own your own spacious place that's been decorated. I hoover once every couple of weeks, less than that upstairs. Shower I clean once a month maybe, sheets not that often. People probably think that's gross but if you came to my house you'd think it was super tidy, I have a checklist I run through if anyone is coming over. I recommend a basic checklist and 15 minutes a day of cleaning (not pots and pans etc actually scrubbing a window or a shower or skirting board) I have a checklist. I do each window thoroughly inside once a year to remove any grimy bits, next month I'll do door frames, another I'll do lampshades and fittings. Build up and also it takes practice, learning what products make things easier. Personally I recommend killrock timescale products, always have an old toothbrush for scrubbing around the tabs and any details, polish with an old baby muslin and elbow grease pots are really good too. It's a skill takes a bit of practice but hope that helps

I am not a domestic goddess. I despise cleaning and can slack off until things become a mess.

I've got a few approaches, depending on what needs to be done.

Let's start from the position of we're in a mess. Depending on how you're feeling mentally, set small tasks. Eg, I've just got to dust the lounge room then I can have a break. Or set a timer to do 15 mins of cleaning every two hours. Anything to get you up and doing it. Don't feel you have to do everything at once. Just 15 minutes. If that's too much make it 5 or 10. Any cleaning is better than no cleaning.

The trick to cleaning is go from the top down. By that I mean clean light shades (very rarely, only if dusty), wipe and dust surfaces before you do the floors. Anything you wipe can fall on the floor, so it'll mess up your clean floors if you do them first.

For me, I do best to focus one room. Get it good, then do the next. Depending on how many rooms you have, you can think of it as tidy one room per day. That's really not much once you've got it clean in the first place. My only exception is floors. They're done in one session.

Maintenance is key. Make sure everything has a home. Whenever you use something, it gets put back in it's home, not left somewhere to be put away later. This will keep you uncluttered and make cleaning easier, as you just need to do surfaces.

My recent discovery is microfiber cloths. I've bought about 30-40 and have wrapped them onto a paper towel holder. Lots of cloths make it easy! I use for dusting, wiping, washing (eg skirting boards, window sills) and just grab a new one when the one I'm using feels ick. I can also grab one whenever I see something looks like it needs a wipe. Quick spray with appropriate cleaner and it's all fixed. Much better and faster than letting it get worse before starting to clean. Chuck in the wash and ready to go again.

My next discovery is it's ok to use lots of water on floors. Don't know why I never knew that. I'd get grotty corners that the mop couldn't get clean. I literally saturated some microfiber cloths and put them in the corners and let sit. After a couple of minutes, the grub just wiped away.

Once you get a room clean, do that room once a week and start on getting a second room under control. You might find you're more enthusiastic once one room is good. If not, just keep chipping away in 15 minute blocks.

Cleaning products - I use microfiber cloth with:

• sugar soap for washing walls, skirting boards, window sills ( once clean window sills can just be dusted)
• all purpose surface cleaner for benches etc
• glass cleaner for mirrors, windows
• bathroom cleaner for the shower / bath to remove grime
• floor cleaner - I put a good dash of disinfectant in my mopping water - pick one that smells nice
• toilet bowl cleaner
• furniture polish if you have wood furniture

When I'm in a mess, my room cleaning order is

• kitchen
• dining
• lounge
• bathroom
• toilet
• bedroom
• floors

I clean the visible, high use places first as that makes me feel better, which helps with enthusiasm.

Some jobs you need to do daily:

• clean kitchen, do dishes. If you're cooking you can put washing water in the sink and wash things as you finish with them. That saves a huge job at the end. Always wipe benches and splash backs.
• put things where they belong. This will be pretty fast if you do it daily
• wipe the bathroom sink - use microfiber cloth, damp with water, quick wipe over surfaces
• wipe any spills, crumbs etc as they occur
• quick look in lounge and dining and tidy if needed

Depending on foot traffic, you might need to vacuum and sweep a couple of times a week. Mop once a week, spot clean if mess at other times.

Weekly (pick a day for each task to break them up):

• wash bed linen
• wash bath towels, tea towels, dish cloths
• wash cleaning cloths - if you've wet any, place them so they dry overnight and don't get stinky
• bathroom - clean shower, bath and sink with appropriate cleaner
• toilet - clean bowl, use surface cleaner on cloth to wipe over tank, lid, window sill, outside of bowl. Make sure you get behind the toilet with the broom/ vacuum to stop dust accumulating
• give lounge and dining a good tidy and quickly dust (super fast if done weekly)
• tidy away in bedrooms and dust

Less frequently (quarterly/ six monthly) - with sugar soap

• wipe skirting boards
• wipe high traffic area walls if marked
• wipe down window sills and tracks if sliding windows/ doors (vacuum tracks and wipe sills with surface cleaner in between if they look dusty)
• wipe doors (including the outside of front and back doors)

Annually

• clean windows
• clean behind appliances eg fridge, washing machine, stove

With laundry, put away as soon as it's dry. I line hang and fold everything as I take it off the line. I hang according to where things are put away ie all towels together, t-shirts together, socks in pairs etc that way, when I'm bringing it in, everything that is put away in the same place is stacked together. Takes minutes to put away as you don't need to sort.

That got really long, but I know how it feels when it gets out of control. You can fix it and can on top of it. Just tackle small chunks.