Wtf do we do? Forced to private educate DS (4)

[Thehonestbadger]

DS is quite significantly disabled (ASD/PICA) he’s very well documented with lots of expert evidence and a strong EHCP and has been at a private nursery for over a year doing well with a 1:1.

Due to go to school this September but not legal school age till Easter/25 as that’s when he turns 5. I absoloutley cannot cope with him at home, I’m chronically unwell myself and had an actual breakdown before we found his current nursery. He’s lovely, but extremely hard work and the physical care is a lot and I also have a 2yo DD to consider.

Essentially every mainstream school we’ve consulted has now turned us down citing they cannot meet his need. Council say no recourse aren’t willing to work with schools RE funding…etc
All the specialist schools we consulted said no, some lower level said he was too high needs, higher level said not high needs enough and there’s over 100 kids for each space as is. We’ve been told he’ll be handed to some specialist team who can dump him anywhere in the region and won’t take our opinions/input into consideration and if we don’t like it we have to fight them legally (could be several hours away, could not place him at all as there’s no spaces anywhere)

At the moment our only option who might admit him is the local private school (a lot comes down to spaces they can offer/layout/staff ratio…etc) which our council worker is very ‘pro’ (their suggestion actually) and tbh everyone I’ve mentioned it to is adamant we should do as it’s ‘clearly the best option’ but WE CANNOT AFFORD IT! Council will pay for his 1:1 but not toward fees! It would be very tight and I would feel awful about sending DS but not DD and logistically wouldn’t be able to get them to two separate schools. We wouldn’t have gone private if DS weren’t disabled but it feels like we have no other option.

Ive invested so much time and energy over the last 2 years and I just want to cry now.

I'm so sorry. I don't have any suggestions. But I'm sending a huge virtual hug and some flowers 🌺

is this a specialist independent school?

Write to your mp and local councillor

@CurlsnSunshinetime4tea
no but good rep for Sen support. He’s made progress over the past few months so there’s hope he may ‘flourish’ in this first couple of years

@Wtafis

oh they are fully aware. I’ve made a lot of noise

It the council cannot find a mainstream please nor special to meet his needs, then technically if an independent school says they can meet need and that is the only school that says yes they hav to pay the fees too. I would request they consult with the school and then see what other options they find. It might be cheaper for them to pay the fees rather than transport costs for another school really far away!

There are ways councils pay for private school if you all agree it is the best/only option.

Don't agree to pay your self. Push to get that school named in the ehcp.

Good luck.

Talk to the school about possible financial assistance, they might have something in place

Don’t send him privately. School will talk the talk initially to get him in but with SEN like this, state is by far more able to meet needs.
Definitely don’t commit to school fees you can’t afford.

Council have to find a suitable school that will meet his needs for full time education from September.

I think it is very unlikely the private school will take him once aware of his needs, and if they do it is unlikely he will be allowed to stay there. In general, private schools, unless specialist, are much less accommodating of students with additional needs especially if they are not mild. It would probably be worse for him to start somewhere and then move than be in a school further away.

There is always brilliant advice on the SEN board - have you been over there? There are several people who can tell you exactly how to approach this and the right things to say and do to maximise your chances of a school you are ok with.

If this is a mainstream private school then don't send him there. They won't be able to meet his needs over the longer term and the placement won't last.
The council need to find a school place for him

Don’t send him privately. School will talk the talk initially to get him in but with SEN like this, state is by far more able to meet needs.

I was going to say this. Some private schools, esp small prep and pre-prep, are worrying about empty spaces right now due to falling birthrates and concerns that fees will start rising soon. They may be saying what you want to hear to get him in, but you may end up paying for a lot of additional specialist help, as private schools are not obligated to pay for any sort of assistance or aides for a pupil.

Speak to SENDiass urgently.

In all honesty, an independent mainstream won't take him with that level of need. If they do agree to take him and are the only school who can meet need then the LA must pay for the fees.

So much of what you've said here is wrong that you need proper advice and support, not lots of people who don't really know how it works and the law confusing matters further.

IPSEA have lots of excellent guides.

I would be expecting the LA to be going back to the table on the specialists consulted.

Do you have a preference?

I don’t know what the answer is, but please don’t feel guilty about sending your son to private school and not your daughter. Fair isn’t everyone getting the same thing, fair is everyone getting what they need

Definitely speak to your local Sendiass team - they can be really helpful. I would also recommend speaking to an advisor from IPSEA. They have to find him a school place.

The Council are obliged to offer him a school place that meets the needs of his EHCP. If the Specialist team approach schools they will do so with his EHCP. The Special schools need to look at the EHCP and see if they can meet his needs. If the school approached says they can meet need that is positive and what you need to hear. If the school is a distance away your son will receive transport to attend. It is likely that the school will be ASD/PDA specific which is actually better than a generic local authority special school that is saying it is not able to meet need. Parental choice in these regards in helpful but primarily you need a school that is confident it can meet your child's needs. Your local schools have said that they can't so try to go in with an open mind and look at what is being offered by the specialist team. I would also not consider the private option. They are not legally bound to follow EHCP's and you should not be paying anyway.
Another option might be to defer his entry into school for a year. If his nursery is familiar with him they may well be able to keep him while a suitable school is found.

This!

I have no knowledge of this but it sounds very stressful. Have you considered approaching a solicitor? A specialist in this area may be able to help get you what is needed to support your son.

@Thehonestbadger

I was in a predicament a bit like this last year. It’s bloody awful. DS got his EHCP in June, had to reapply and state schools tried to reject his place for September.

The following things helped:

• speaking to the SENCO of your preferred state school choice. Asking them to meet your DS at his current setting.
• my understanding is that the LA must name a setting in a certain section of the EHCP. I think they ultimately decide and can name a school against the schools wishes
• I would think the LA would (as so much is financially driven) : would financially go for 1) mainstream with more hours than initially stated 2) a specialist school/school further away but they’d need to pay for transport 3) if no places there, they HAVE to get a place, so SHOULD pay the private fees. I think they’ll very much be driven by the lowest cost option to them
• my son’s nursery agreed to continue his place there in September, if needed - until we found a school place
• badgering/emailing/phoning his case worker daily to find out what’s happening. If no response then go to the next higher up. State you are considering legal action.
• IPSEA and SOS!SEN/independent advice services which will put your child’s needs first

He ultimately got a place at nearest mainstream. The school tried to reject, but LA named against schools wishes.

I’ve spoken to SENDIASS and tbh they’re pretty useless all they can say is ‘appeal it’ but it’ll be months before we know the outcome and he’s not likely to get in as like I said, over 100 kids per place for special schools here. It’s just an awful limbo unknown.

No one is interested in working with us or coming up with ‘creative solutions’ to preempt DS’s need it’s very much ‘yes we know you’re speeding towards a brick wall’ (deadline he has to have a named school willing to take him is 15/2) but we won’t intervene until you crash. At which point we’ll stick your son into our overspill team who will just do whatever the hell they like with him and you will no longer have any say or input as parents…and if you don’t like that you can fight us legally 👍🏻

Tbh I’m not looking at the private school as a long term solution I’m looking at the next 2-3 years which I think will show very clearly what DS is/isn’t capable of. If he does flourish he may be able to cope in a mainstream and if his needs reduce we should be able to find a local mainstream to take him. If he doesn’t flourish he’ll need to go to fully specialist and his needs will be higher at that age so stand a better chance of them having to take him.

I just need somewhere willing to take him for the next 2-3 years really

Surely the local authority are obliged to find him a school when he’s 5? Friends DD has Autism, non verbal and was 5 in October. She was admitted to a regular school and is finally going down the EHCP route (they refused at first, red tape) but they are only taking her on reduced hours. Started with 1hr a day, now it’s 4 months on and she’s up to 1pm now. Friend has a full time job and it’s been a nightmare. She is hoping when EHCP comes through she can find a specialist school. If you can’t afford private then you need to exclude that option

Hi OP, this sounds very stressful. Please come over to my EHCP thread where hopefully you can find posters in a similar position to advise you. It's certainly possible that the most suitable school will be a paid for one, but you should not be paying. Anyway, all schools cost someone.

One thing I am certain of is that finding the right school placement will take a while so I'd save any money you have in case you still need nursery in September and don't bother yourself with the question of fairness to your DD at this stage - a lot can happen in three years and of course you will do your best to meet the different needs of both DC.

My daughter (with various SEN) has attended a private primary and they have done well with her but a) we were lucky b) she likes school c) her needs weren't apparent yet at 3 when she went and d) it cost a packet. Plus we've only got the one.

EHCP support thread no. 2 - www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/4989146-ehcp-support-thread-no-2

I think the 15/2 deadline is a red herring - yes that's the official deadline for DC with EHCP but neither the need for a suitable school nor the requirement on the LA to find one will go away if that deadline is missed.

I mean, due to the tribunal process we're nowhere near that stage and we've had to use the regular admissions process (for secondary) anyway, but that doesn't change the requirement for the LA to name a school on the EHCP if and when we eventually get one.

Please don’t give in to the pressure and pray for the private school. If he settles well there it would be extremely difficult to pull him out.

We were in a similar situation a few years ago. The LA didn’t name a school by the deadline so we had to apply for a tribunal. The day before the tribunal asked for evidence submissions they named the school we preferred, our local mainstream school.

If you don’t want him to go to a special school, I believe you have a right to send him to mainstream with support. The LA have no reason to name a mainstream miles away as they pay the costs of transport.

Does he have an EHCP? Then you can name the indie school and if literally everyone else has said they can't meet his needs, and the indie says they can (?), then you should get the indie place.

If 1 to 1 is stipulated in the EHCP that funding will be additional and will go with him.

Like lots of others, I would be very cautious about private mainstream. Our experience was exactly as others have suggested - but state special has been amazing.

Would you approach a send education lawyer? Much cheaper than paying for private school.

You need to appeal it to force their hand. As a phase transfer, he would be prioritised and you'd be amazed how miraculously places can be found once an appeal is lodged. If you just accept then bullshitting you then you won't get anywhere at all.