Wtf do we do? Forced to private educate DS (4)

[Thehonestbadger]

DS is quite significantly disabled (ASD/PICA) he’s very well documented with lots of expert evidence and a strong EHCP and has been at a private nursery for over a year doing well with a 1:1.

Due to go to school this September but not legal school age till Easter/25 as that’s when he turns 5. I absoloutley cannot cope with him at home, I’m chronically unwell myself and had an actual breakdown before we found his current nursery. He’s lovely, but extremely hard work and the physical care is a lot and I also have a 2yo DD to consider.

Essentially every mainstream school we’ve consulted has now turned us down citing they cannot meet his need. Council say no recourse aren’t willing to work with schools RE funding…etc
All the specialist schools we consulted said no, some lower level said he was too high needs, higher level said not high needs enough and there’s over 100 kids for each space as is. We’ve been told he’ll be handed to some specialist team who can dump him anywhere in the region and won’t take our opinions/input into consideration and if we don’t like it we have to fight them legally (could be several hours away, could not place him at all as there’s no spaces anywhere)

At the moment our only option who might admit him is the local private school (a lot comes down to spaces they can offer/layout/staff ratio…etc) which our council worker is very ‘pro’ (their suggestion actually) and tbh everyone I’ve mentioned it to is adamant we should do as it’s ‘clearly the best option’ but WE CANNOT AFFORD IT! Council will pay for his 1:1 but not toward fees! It would be very tight and I would feel awful about sending DS but not DD and logistically wouldn’t be able to get them to two separate schools. We wouldn’t have gone private if DS weren’t disabled but it feels like we have no other option.

Ive invested so much time and energy over the last 2 years and I just want to cry now.

Sounds like you need to lawyer up.
My friend has a SEN son. He went to a mainstream primary school with 1 to 1 assistance - the council said they couldn't do anything but my friend got a lawyer, and he got the assistance he needed.

He is going to a special school for secondary. The council wanted to send him to a different school (probably a cheaper school). My friend found a different school which was better for him, in a different borough, she lawyered up again and got him in the school she wanted.

The council will always try to fob you off.

Place the appeal today and also flag it with your local MP or counsellor - whoever is more active. Usually they have surgeries where you can discuss local issues and they should have a contact higher up to help with your case.

The council are obliged to find him a place, they will also provide transport if it's far. You don't need to talk to the schools, they will for you, and this could include them funding a private specialist school (unlikely a mainstream one) do not agree to pay if you can't afford it. It's still very early in the year for send places to be sorted

"Specialist team who can dump him any where in the region " is a negative way of looking at it when they mean "Specialist team will find the most suitable school in the region to meet his needs "

The council will provide transport. If it is far away and you think the journey is too much for him would it be possible to move closer to the school?

I say this with an sen child who is collected at 7:10, which I was unhappy about at first as it felt so early, but he has breakfast at school, and it's definitely the best school for him. But he is 12 so I understand that's different than waving a 4 year old off in the morning.

Good luck, I hope they find a school for him that you are happy with.

My dd was mainstream educated with support, we knew this was the only way she would get a proper education as special schools weren't set up for academic achievement. Every time they tried to move her out of mainstream I fought it. Honestly I'd write local primaries down and they can arrange a ta

You need to get proper legal advice. Have you contacted IPSEA? That could be your first point of call. If not speak to a solicitor. Most will have a free 30 mins so you can get an idea of how you stand. LA’s will lie through their teeth over and over again.

My son finished education last year age 23. I’ve honestly never been so relieved to be out of the system. It has been the most stressful thing ever fighting the LEA at every turn, appeals, tribunals, we’ve spent tens of thousands in legal fees, professional reports and so on. One thing I’ve learned is not to believe anything the LA told me. So many lies which had I known better I would have challenged.

🙄did you read the whole of the OPs first post?

Lots of great advice on here @Thehonestbadger except the above of course. I really hope your son gets a lovely place and does flourish. No guilt needed re your DD.

Is there a special school that you feel could meet his needs, either a local authority or independent setting? You can go to tribunal to get him placed and the LA can name an LA school against the school’s own wishes. Have you got support from a local advocacy group like Parent Partnership or similar? I wouldn’t do the private school route - it’s an easy way out for the council. It’s awful and definitely a problem across the country but I’d fight for what you want for your son - although it shouldn’t be the case that you have to. Sorry this is happening to you.

One thing I’ve learned is not to believe anything the LA told me.

OP if you only take one thing away from this thread it should be this. The LA will tell you what they want you to know and their unlawful version. It will be much easier to navigate the next 20 years if you realise now not to trust them and always check everything they say. Unfortunately, DC whose parents know the law get better support. It shouldn’t be that way but isn’t going to change in the foreseeable.

If you pay you will be expected to keep paying. Can he stay in nursery until hes 5?

Keep pushing and let them sort a school. Plus if I were you I'd name every local school on application and make it clear why. I'd go to the local authorities with a printed application and list of schools. I'd name the private school and say you can't pay. Just make a royal pain of yourself.

SEN support is generally far better in mainstream state schools than it is in mainstream private schools. If state schools can’t meet his needs then I doubt the private one can. Some unscrupulous schools will take any child for the fees. They know that it will probably end in disaster and the child will have to go through the disruption of leaving after a term or two. Private schools are unlikely to top up any EHCP funding and will expect parents to do that. This is important as EHCP funding is often less than actually required.

http://www.advocacyandmediation.co.uk - maybe take a look at this website and see if they can help? You’d have to pay but at least you’d get some specialist help. Good luck.

Independent schools can be fully funded. LAs can expect parents to top the fees up all the like, but parents can force the LA to fully fund the fees and provision detailed, specified and quantified in F.

You need to appeal to SEN tribunal. Unfortunately that is taking a year right now.

Have you any anything from your LA in writing saying the private is a good idea?

I'd send him and then appealed to get it named and funded on the ehcp.

I have appealed and got my son into a private SEN school. Have you got any close? A taxi takes my sen boy to school

What a terrible situation! Are there schools a little further afield he could attend? Can he stay an extra year where he is? You are right to be trying to think of creative solutions. How nightmarishly frustrating that you are not getting the support you need to find a solution. I don't know anything about this but would it help to get a social worker? I think you really need a professional to advocate for you and help you navigate this system. Not saying you are not capable but it is too too stressful to do it alone with no one fighting your corner.

Do not send him private, they'll wipe their hands of him and claim not their problem anymore.

You need to wait it out unfortunately.

In our experience LAs lie and lie and lie. To your face.

It's possible this is all a big game of brinkmanship. If you don't blink first and you follow through on threats to take it to appeal then they may just cave. Don't let the appeal timescales put you off, they can move a lot months before appeal dates come round. We appealed DD's first EHCP in May, and she had a place confirmed on the last day of the summer term, about 9 months before the hearing date. But it's a game of chicken, you have to convince them that you know your child's rights and you're not going to cave.

It helps me to think of it that it's not really about my child, it's a numbers game for the LA. Everyone they get to cave and pay the school fees or transport, it saves them £££ , so they try it on with everyone and see what sticks.

Tribunal appeals will be expedited in urgent cases, which includes children out of school and change of phase cases. As your child is moving to Reception, that is a change of phase and the LA must amend the EHCP to name the school or a type of school by 15th February. That is when you can appeal, and you should have your appeal heard by September.

Don’t agree to pay the indie fees. The council will tick you off their list and the indie will likely backtrack either before he joins or next year. Good luck

I’m a carer who accompanies children to school and back, generally in taxis. Councils spend HUNDREDS per day running individual children to school. To ensure they’ll be ready on time no matter the traffic or weather, the taxi gets paid for the entire hour before the morning school run, the entire hour after, and again for the afternoon run. Plus the actual fare. I have two girls I accompany to a school 8 miles away. This costs the council £242 a day. I’m not going to pretend I have the slightest idea about your situation, but going off the other pps I would strongly suggest you don’t pay for private school. If the council HAVE to provide a school, and HAVE to provide transport, then they very well may end up paying for the private school as it will be cheaper. Also you seem to be really looking on the downside wording things like ‘they can just put my child where they want and do anything with them’, you yourself are trying to find anywhere at all at the moment for him. You’ve not stated a preference and he may end up somewhere ideal. Also I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but is there a possibility that if you put him in private school for 3 years, they then might refuse to find him a place after, as you’ve already found and managed to pay for a place for years?

Have you contacted IPSEA https://www.ipsea.org.uk/

Cross posted but this is what crossed my mind. Why would they find a school for someone who has a school?

Is there an EHCP in progress? Push the LA to finalise it asap, then appeal to the tribunal to get the school you want names in Section I. The LA has to pay the cost of its named in Section i. Keep him in nursery until the date of tribunal if necessary. And get some advice / go to SENDIASS

"Step two – remind them of the law All children – with or without EHC plans
If your child is of compulsory school age and isn’t able to attend school then your LA must make sure that suitable, full-time alternative education is in place (section 19 of Education Act 1996). Ask your LA to confirm its proposals for this as soon as possible"

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/children-who-do-not-have-a-school-place

The Local Authority do have to pay the fees.......

If the LA truly can not find a school that can cater for your DS then they do need to find and pay for the alternative.

Don't pay yourself, some independent schools will ask you to pay additional fees for high-needs children. I know someone who was halfway through a year at an independent school and the school then said that they couldn't cope with the child's needs, the child could only stay if the parents hired a full-time assistant and paid their wage on top of the school fees.....

I also know a family whose child was sent to Gordonstoun (think The Crown) and the LA paid almost all the fees as they could not cater for the child in the local borough.