Wtf do we do? Forced to private educate DS (4)

[Thehonestbadger]

DS is quite significantly disabled (ASD/PICA) he’s very well documented with lots of expert evidence and a strong EHCP and has been at a private nursery for over a year doing well with a 1:1.

Due to go to school this September but not legal school age till Easter/25 as that’s when he turns 5. I absoloutley cannot cope with him at home, I’m chronically unwell myself and had an actual breakdown before we found his current nursery. He’s lovely, but extremely hard work and the physical care is a lot and I also have a 2yo DD to consider.

Essentially every mainstream school we’ve consulted has now turned us down citing they cannot meet his need. Council say no recourse aren’t willing to work with schools RE funding…etc
All the specialist schools we consulted said no, some lower level said he was too high needs, higher level said not high needs enough and there’s over 100 kids for each space as is. We’ve been told he’ll be handed to some specialist team who can dump him anywhere in the region and won’t take our opinions/input into consideration and if we don’t like it we have to fight them legally (could be several hours away, could not place him at all as there’s no spaces anywhere)

At the moment our only option who might admit him is the local private school (a lot comes down to spaces they can offer/layout/staff ratio…etc) which our council worker is very ‘pro’ (their suggestion actually) and tbh everyone I’ve mentioned it to is adamant we should do as it’s ‘clearly the best option’ but WE CANNOT AFFORD IT! Council will pay for his 1:1 but not toward fees! It would be very tight and I would feel awful about sending DS but not DD and logistically wouldn’t be able to get them to two separate schools. We wouldn’t have gone private if DS weren’t disabled but it feels like we have no other option.

Ive invested so much time and energy over the last 2 years and I just want to cry now.

In your opening post you mention a local authority worker suggested this mainstream fee paying school as a suitable setting for your son. Was this in response to questions from you about whether you should consider fee paying schools and pay the fees yourself? If not, then surely they should be naming the school in the EHC plan as it is their recommendation and you are in agreement. What role does this LA worker hold?

If this school is the only suitable school the LA will have to pay. I am very sorry you are going through this stress. It will be a battle but IPSEA can guide you.

Can I ask what she did? I have a child similar to OP except he is in a mainstream school and we are trying to get a specialist and are doing a section I appeal. It is going to take a year to get to hearing 😫its a fucking mess. This country is a shambles. We wrote our own appeal and the SENDIAS lady said it was very thorough with 23 pieces of evidence, so I'm hoping when it comes to them submitting their evidence they realise they don't really have anything to counter it. They agreed he needed specialist at panel, but did not name a specialist school. I'm not quite sure how they can fight that. Their only defence is no specialist have said they have spaces, but that's not really a robust reason not to name specialist.

I would find the energy to fight them
if you can’t afford a lawyer you read up on what the law says and throw it at them

they simply cannot do this !

my son has an echp and gets a private tutor now

this is appalling and there are organisations that can help and advise

may I ask where you are roughly in the UK

I agree with pp that you shouldn't pay OP. You need to remind them of their legal obligations. They need to find him a school and can direct maintained schools to take your son, but this does need to be on an EHCP. If no specialist is available he needs to go somewhere with funding to support him with 1 to 1. Thats what my son has. His mainstream has been great so far, but the LA are really testing their patience.

We did discuss this with a guy who has a site called SEN achieve. He might be able to advise and can represent you for any tribunals.

Also I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but is there a possibility that if you put him in private school for 3 years, they then might refuse to find him a place after, as you’ve already found and managed to pay for a place for years?

If the OP decides to make her own arrangements then later decides not to the LA cannot just wash their hands and say tough.

@SoTiredNeedHoliday OP says her DS isn’t CSA until the summer term next year so s19 of the Education Act 1996 won’t apply initially in reception. Instead OP needs to focus on the EHCP.

@Updownleftandright are you also appealing B&F? You should. Have you considered whether you need any independent reports?

This is what happened in my daughter’s class. They agreed to take a boy with additional needs in, then after 2 terms when he was fully settled in and happy they asked the parents to pay for extra full time 1:1 specialist support, which I imagine would cost a fortune. They were given a (short) deadline to provide it or remove their son from the school.

Could his current nursery not keep him at least until he is 5 - to give you time to sort something else out ?

Contact Coram children's law advice. Hopefully, they will be able to offer you advice on how to proceed.

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/special-educational-needs/

As parents we always have guilt but OP in Thais case I would happily put ds to private and not Dd. There is no comparison as you have limited choices and the outcome won’t be the same for both children.
Having support and stability for the family will help you and in turn will help your Dd too

If this is really your last option the. I would go with it .
I don’t have any other help regarding resources as like everything else in the UK now they are stretched and at breaking point.

Best of luck

Not read many PPs and do not have any experience but wanted to tell you I saw a ''feature'' on SKY news a few months ago about 2 ''disabled '' children -they were autistic who went to special state school some distance away and had daily taxi transport that was paid for by their council which cost £17.000 a year. They seemed very happy with this arrangement. Maybe you could have this sort of help?

I too am very surprised that a private school claims to be able to take your son.

He sounds like he needs significant support which if they have a small SEN team really wont be able to do. Both my children went to private boarding schools. A few SEN pupils did attend over the years but only seemed to attend for a term and then disappeared. I honestly dont know why the school pretended to be able to take them. It certainly didnt seem to position itself as one that could offer suitable support. A friend of mine had her son in a good private school and even paid for the 1-1. However she downplayed the extent of her sons needs to get him in and it ended in complete disaster. Also, I am afraid to say other parents complained about her son's behaviour and the fact that he was taking up far too much of the teacher's time.

We did speak about it before she decided to go down this route but she naively thought it would all sort itself out.

What @Penguinfeetteal said. I'm pretty sure the council is legally obliged to find suitable schooling for him. (Thought he friend I know who had the exact same issue was an adoptive parent so they may have a higher duty of care to looked after children.) But I think if the only place they can find is private then they must pay the fees. Do some research on their legal obligation to you and be prepared to fight hard. My friend fought and fought and fought and would not back down to get her son the schooling he needed. The council had to cover it but they tried every trick in the book to get out of paying.

People who haven't been in your position might well tut at this, but given your breakdown and his needs, I would cut to the chase and threaten the council that you cannot cope, have medical evidence of your breakdown to support this and you are seriously considering having to have him fostered. (I know how shocking this sounds, but it might make them suddenly find the funds for his schooling because it will be cheaper than fostering and schooling which they'd be obliged to find if he became a looked-after child.)

Please bear in mind that unless they are specific SEN schools, private schools might be quick to expel him if his behaviour disturbs other pupils as they don't want other parents withdrawing their children. Fee-paying parents have very high expectations of class control and learning environment. The best bet would be for you and the council to continue to seek a suitable school (and transport btw, which they are also obliged to help with if the school is not within reasonable distance of your home).

Agree that unless it’s a specialist SEN school, you will probably find that they won’t offer the best support and may just change their minds about having him there. You could be paying for misery.

I’m so sorry you are having a tricky time with this

The situation with SEND is really dire at the moment - our LA was rated inadequate in a recent inspection. I did read this today though: https://schoolsweek.co.uk/send-shoots-up-political-agenda-as-mps-reveal-woes/ - might be worth seeing if you can get your local MP engaged with this?

This is such a horrible situation and so wrong that a child's education is being completely undervalued by the authority (which I know will be down to a lack of money by the government).

My experiences have been that the private schools I know of are very academically focused and do not have the infrastructure or methods to cope with children with additional needs.

Have you written to your MP? Kick up a fuss. It's exhausting and it shouldn't be on you to do it.

Legally the la have to find a suitable placement and pay for it. Much that you have been told is totally unlawful. Have you looked at independent specials schools? You are going to have to find a suitable school yourself that will take him and if they won't name it in section I you'll have to go to tribunal. Is it fair absolutely not! Unfortunately that's how us parents with special needs children are treated. If they can't find a school they still have to pay for and provide the provision is section F, whether that's at school, via a personal budget or Eatos.

OP, can I recommend that you spend a little money on talking to Adam Friel at Geldards solicitors? I went to a seminar he ran about a month ago and was extremely impressed (I'm a lawyer but of a different discipline). He also has some personal experience with the system and I am sure we'll be using him at some point fairly soon, to sort out provision for my autistic 9yo.

this, definitely.
(but it doesn't mean that the private school is worth paying for - needs further investigation)

Sorry you find yourself in this position. There definitely are some private schools that deal brilliantly with specific needs. Even if it is, it's awful that no arrangement via the council can be made. It could save them money in the long term.

I agree entirely. If your child has an EHCP you shouldn't be paying. If the state schools are all saying they can't meet need, then name the private school as your chosen school.

Look into EOTAS, it's another option where the local authority pays for provision that you buy in, like tutors.

This is probably the most useless suggestion but could you (until you find a suitable school) keep him at nursery - some round here keep kids longer if they’re not ready for school. and hopefully in the meantime a space would come up for him?

or some home schooling? Forest school where you aren’t actively involved so could get some mental rest? Or instead of spending on private a tutor but only a few days a week to save money but so the time you have alone is actually restorative rather than school runs etc? Again sorry probably just annoying ‘advice’ when it’s likely not workable.

but don’t agree to pay for private if you can’t whatever you do or you’ll be stuck forever.

also don’t feel bad re not sending your daughter if he does go private - he’s going to struggle because of his needs in a way she hopefully won’t. So it’s two different circumstances and if that’s what helps him that’s fine.

but on a side note, as others have mentioned, please be careful with private schools. Their marketing comes first so while they might look good on paper reality can be very different. And unless they have a good special needs departments where kids have differing levels of needs (ie more than needing a bit of help with reading or maths) I would agree with a pp that they are far less tolerant than state schools - remember they have parents paying them thousands to send their kids there and the school has to deal with their expectations. If someone is disruptive or whatever, they’re going to have a hard time convincing another kid’s parents that they should put up with their kid’s learning being impacted when they’re paying a tonne of money precisely to avoid things like disruptive behaviour.

If you are in England get on to your MP about this.

If the low needs special school says he is too high needs for them, then how on earth would he cope in a mainstream school even if it’s private?

I'm not sure I really understand this, if he is very disabled by his autism, how is he going to cope in mainstream? He will require a tremendous amount of adjustments that I just can't imagine a private school could make. My son has pica too and he needs a constant 1:1 to stop him eating soil. Can you afford to speak to a sen solicitor? It feels like the local authority are leaving you very few options