Are the majority of men assholes?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Firstly I'm not a man hater - I've been married twice and am still married. But increasingly I'm starting to think that the vast majority of men are arseholes or display some kind of arsehole behaviour. Example this morning, but there are lots more.

Swimming at the gym, all lanes empty except the one I'm swimming in. Bloke gets into my lane and does splashy front crawl, almost whacking me in the face with his big meaty arm every time he passes me. So I move lanes, because obvs he's more important than me and should have his favourite lane to himself. 🙄

After my swim I go for a quick jacuzzi - this is a 10 person jacuzzi with three men already in there taking up every available space with their arms stretched across the back of the jacuzzi as far as possible. So I approach thinking one of them will make space for me. Erm no - I have to force myself in and get dirty looks for daring to go into their 'man space.'

Contrast this with the very polite behaviour of MOST of the women who use my gym.

I'm happy to say my DH is in the small minority of men who aren't aresholes (although he's by no means perfect - who is?) But if anything happens to him I will happily remain single and sexless for the rest of my days rather than try to find another decent man. (Also worth saying my first husband was a narcissist and I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire!)

This morning I received verbal abuse from a random male parent when dropping my child at school (within school grounds) for simply walking on some grass- no rule against it btw. I was screamed at, called derogatory names etc. Another male, employed at the campus and standing nearby, did absolutely nothing.

So yes I am inclined to agree with you that men are arseholes. Yes women can be too but through my line of work I read a lot of victim accounts of traumatic events and it’s nearly all male perpetrators.

Only when we have zero tolerance against entitled male behaviour and men need to be willing to call out other males poor behaviour will things improve for women as a whole.

There is also a very interesting short story by John Wyndham called Consider Her Ways which explores a world without men.

I never move for these men. They will move, if you hold your nerve. It’s called Patriarchy Chicken.

re: patriarchy chicken, am i the only one who thinks on sidewalks people should stay on the side of the sidewalk that traffic would go on on the adjacent roadway? so for example since i live in north america i would stay on the right side, but in england i should walk on the left. therefore regardless of sex there should not be collisions and if there is a potential one, the person who is on the ‘correct’ side should be the one to keep walking straight and the ‘incorrect’ person should cede to them?

i googled it and this article came up saying that was a general etiquette except in britain where they said the sidewalks were chaos so i guess that explains patriarchy chicken being so popular over on your side of the pond 😁

https://thepointsguy.com/guide/travel-etiquette-how-to-be-polite-when-walking-on-a-sidewalk/

@Vegandiva nice idea but it doesn't really work that way in the UK!

Yes some men can be Arseholes cunts

It doesn’t work that way, but it really should.

@Vegandiva it actually used to be the norm in polite UK society, to allow the woman and children to walk on the right, away from the curb, in case cars or carts splashed them and to avoid them having to walk in the dangerous path of traffic. Chivalry is largely dead in this respect in UK.

Well you can when humans who commit the majority of violent and sexual crime happen to be men.

And yes, NAMALT for the ones on here who jump to that by crying 'women are bad too!'.

It's always mainly men though.

I'd love to watch more feminist content on tick tock. Can your suggest a few to get the algorithm going?

thanks for the clarification @tweedlledum and others. so i say then let’s all stick to walking straight ahead on the right then in the UK and North America 😁

by the way in mexico the well brought up men make sure to always let the lady walk on the inside side of the sidewalk so they still have chivalry here as an fyi ☺️ they also pull out chairs in restaurants and open car doors.

Chivalry is part of the fabric of patriarchy, and it's never been as purely motivated as the books might suggest. This "wonderful" code tends to include an extremely macho, not to mention violent attitude towards other men .. something conveniently forgotten when it's praised

Most fellow men I've met with a strong feeling for it tend to be not only sexist/misogynistic, but keenest on it when there's a chance to show off and don't seem very keen on being particularly nice any bloke they take a dislike to .. so hypocritics really.

Is it really too radical to just be a decent human being to everyone 🤷‍♂️ If a man can only bring himself to be decent to women .. there's an agenda for that

I think women are probably conditioned to always be thinking of others and to put others before themselves where as men just do what suits them. I certainly remember being told by my own mum that I was selfish for not doing doing the housework or washing up just as she liked while my brother was praised to the high heavens for rinsing his own glass and literally nobody else's. This was a long time again now so hopefully things have changed!

Oh look a victim blamer

I hear you, but I tend to take a less nuanced view of it because I just think oh, considerate and thoughtful behaviour, that’s a nice change from the usual (also, I need a few delusions to get through each day, lol).

Also in Mexico I was told the chivalrous men are ‘cabbaleros’ which is the desirable alternative to the ‘macho’ men who are more as you describe 😁 and I’m told are the majority of them.

From your perspective that makes sense @Vegandiva otherwise you'd end up being suspicious of all decent behaviour by men

WHAAAAAT? I thought inhad read all and every John Wyndham story or novel.

<scuttles off to.find this asap>

"Consider Her Ways" is not a short story written by John Wyndham; rather, it is a novella. Published in 1956 as part of a collection titled "Consider Her Ways and Others," this speculative fiction piece is one of Wyndham's notable works.

@KimberleyClark I can see why there is objection from some to being called actresses; why should there be a differentiation needed? Most other jobs don't have a gender-specific word.
But then again, I don't believe anybody's marital status should be reflected in their title so I'm probably bound to think along these lines 😀

A man who comes into my office for a few afternoons a month demanded my desk. Yes he is significantly senior and it was the best desk but he would not have demanded it if I were male. And a woman wouldn't have had the lack of respect. I'm still cross about it. Once you open your eyes to male entitlement, it is everywhere. Everywhere. I have played patriarchy chicken for years (pick your battles though) and some of them react like outraged little toddlers. I go to a yoga centre and without fail, it is men who assume possession of communal space. Women share. It is a man who walks over your mat with his dirty feet. Women walk around it. It is a man who flings his arms and legs around and anyone in his way can just get out of it. And don't start me on the stenches, and performative grunting that they do. No-one says that women are perfect all the time but we just don't have the entitled audacity of straight white men.

I took this to mean, not that we should go round killing men, but it is men being killed in accidents at work, or on the road, in medicine, etc, which is more likely to result in a proper review of why it happened and an improvement in safety practices, than if the same things happened to women.

Men are always really nice to me 🤷🏻‍♀️?

@EBearhug you took it wrongly then.

I don't think so. I've been lucky to have some truly wonderful men in my life.
However I've been raped, beaten been in an horrifically violent relationship with and been consistently lied to by men also...
I think there are arseholes everywhere of every gender but when you meet this shit men they are often more likely to be dangerous and seriously harm you as a woman.
I'd not say these men are the majority of men though. The majority of men I've met are decent people.
However I do think we live in a society that kind of covers up the horrific behaviour of the minority of men
Even now days.
None of the men who've serious hurt me physically actually faced any consequences for it either under the law or even in their social lives.
It makes you very scared to think sometimes how some men are just getting away with this stuff.
And even amongst decent men you sometimes see a downplaying of male violence towards women..

Slightly off topic but if/when conscription happens again it probably won't be just men that are called up. Women have been "allowed" to perform all army combat roles since 2018 so presumably it would be applied equally now. Shudder.