To let my 12 yr old have snap chat

[Hankunamatata]

So dc is nearly 13 and has ask couple times for snap chat but Iv always said no as secondary school have had some major issues around use of snap chat.

They have what's app. They are away and sending messages saying they are feeling very left out as everyone us using snap chat. There some sen and problems making friends so they pull my heart strings

Now after some googling I think I can download and subscribed to parenting app to monitor snap chat content which would make me feel more comfortable and dc has agreed to this so wouldn't be secret monitoring.

Dh is still not sure and I'm on fence.

YANBU to let dc have snap chat as long as the parenting app is monitoring it?

YABU to even considering letting dc have snap chat

Any recommendations would be so helpful too.

Watching as I am currently saying no to this but wondering if I should say yes

I've said no to DD1 who is now 14 after talking to secondary teacher friends who described it as the bullying app.

She was desperate for it a couple of years ago but now has stopped clamouring. That said, not all her friends have it and they mainly socialise on What's App so it's not a big deal. I think it's she really wanted it now, I might let her.

Speaking as a teacher- DO NOT LET THEM HAVE IT. I'm begging you.

No way

As a mother of late teens… DON’T DO IT! Hold off as long as you possibly can! You will regret it!

Sorry for slight derail but what about TikTok? On the private setting? My 11 year old says "everyone" has it. Highly doubt this but interested in other's opinions. I've said no so far.

DD is nearly 14 and I've always said no to both Snapchat and TikTok. Neither parent has them either. There's massive issues around bullying in her school and while she seems to be clear of either side of it, I'm not keen to facilitate it (Snapchat). TikTok is very insecure, and nothing you put on should be regarded as safe.

I'm lucky though, she has never asked for Snapchat and gave up on Tik Tok, despite "everyone" having it, when I said no when she was 11. If I had to fight her on it, I'd find it hard in year 9, but I like to think I'll stick with it for a bit longer!

Snapchat is bad because if they are bullied, all evidence is deleted after 24hours.
Yes, they can delete messages on other apps, but Snap is used a lot for bullying and also pictures being sent that shouldn't be (because they can only be opened once).

Please don't. I'm a teacher and safeguarding lead. It's referred to as 'Effing Snapchat' at our school.

Would you like to know of the masturbating adult male who joined a group snapchat of 13 year olds? That's something they can't unsee. Or the nasty, nasty bullying that goes on? We've had endless incidences - some involving us calling the police - who basically tell us there is nothing they can do, and no way of tracing people. According to their figures Snapchat accounts for almost 50% of online grooming. The effects are hideous.

Are they not meant to be 13 to use it?

The minimum age for TikTok is 13. At my school it’s known as the worst app for safeguarding. I told my son he wasn’t allowed it and thankfully at 14 he still doesn’t have it. He also deleted Snapchat. ‘Everyone’ might have these apps but that doesn’t make it ok. It makes me want to cry for the stuff kids can see online these days.

Id never let my kids have snapchat. No need for it just creepers and bullies on it

Absolutely not.

See these are all the reasons Iv said no. Iv an older dc who is 16 at the end of the year and he has resigned himself to not having it.

I was looking at a some parenting apps (spy apps) that send you everything your child snap chats and receives. Dc is more than willing to have the parenting app linked to his phone - this is only reason Iv wavered. But I don't feel I know enough abut the different spy apps to know if they are bullet proof.

I work with the police (not police staff) in a fairly specialist role across child protection and sexual abuse teams. I would not let my kids anywhere near Snapchat or TikTok.

When my SEN child secretly downloaded Snapchat on their mobile, they had a man within minutes ask them for nude photos. Thing is, even though you can download the data and see some written messages, you can't see images that have been shared. So my advice is to say no.

Absolutely not here also! Interestingly, last year I was on the train and a group of teenaged (16ish) school children sat next to me. They were talking about TikTok with their teacher, one saying she was so over it etc so I asked them. I told them I had two DC, 10&13 who both recently got phones and what was their opinion, would they advise I let them have it to "get over it" and be bored with it at as young age as possible. All four of them very emphatically said I should keep them off it as long as possible. That's good enough for me, and so far my DC have accepted the advice from some random teenagers on a train!

DS (14 now) keeps asking for snapchat but I'm not happy with the bullying possibilities with it. Especially as he had asd and is very socially vulnerable.
DD11 is not bothered, yet, also not at secondary yet.

I wouldn't allow it. I'm a semi-retired secondary school teacher.

Children get addicted to it: "I can't stop - I'll lose my streak!"

I also had two 13 yr old girls who were groomed on the app. The '11 yr old boy' chatting to them eventually sent a dick pic. One of them showed it to me and I reported it to our Child Protection Officer. Police were called in.

We’ve just caved. Dtds are 12 but honest in the year so friends are all 13. Dd1 is 16 and we’ve been so strict with her but she’s helping police dtds. They mostly snap each other and we have a parent app to monitor, lots of rules on usage and check who they’re interacting with etc.

I’m not really happy about it but dtds were being visibly excluded from things. They’re very good girls, have chosen good friends etc and are very open with us. It’s a trial period and they know this. School has just sent a letter home about Snapchat and bullying in year 8 which was just after we’d allowed it so we’ve discussed it in that context again.

I’m still a no for all other social media but it’s all really hard thing to navigate. Saying a hard no has issues too.

Dreadful. The ones making money from Social Media apps couldn't give a monkeys about all this vile stuff going on.

Why would you need SnapChat and Tik Tok anyway?
Why wouldn't FB and What's App be enough?
So glad I grew up when I did.

I caved with DS13 after he missed a friend's birthday party which was organised on Snapchat. He knows if anything goes awry it's coming off his phone. I'm uncomfortable about it but as PP says, it's a bit of a balance between protecting end excluding.

Well I'm unusual here but my 12 year old son has Snapchat. He uses it to chat to his friends. They don't tend to use WhatsApp any longer and I didn't want him to be left out with socialising as he struggles with that anyway.

Any hint of an issue (I check his phone frequently) and the app will be removed and he knows that.

I'm always surprised by the response to threads like this on Mumsnet as my son's friends are all on Snapchat (I see who he messages) and they are average kids with hobbies and not kids that spend all their time online.

Once something is seen it can't be unseen. What's the point of monitoring after the message has been seen?

Thank you re: TikTok. Will continue to say no if asked.