To let my 12 yr old have snap chat

[Hankunamatata]

So dc is nearly 13 and has ask couple times for snap chat but Iv always said no as secondary school have had some major issues around use of snap chat.

They have what's app. They are away and sending messages saying they are feeling very left out as everyone us using snap chat. There some sen and problems making friends so they pull my heart strings

Now after some googling I think I can download and subscribed to parenting app to monitor snap chat content which would make me feel more comfortable and dc has agreed to this so wouldn't be secret monitoring.

Dh is still not sure and I'm on fence.

YANBU to let dc have snap chat as long as the parenting app is monitoring it?

YABU to even considering letting dc have snap chat

Any recommendations would be so helpful too.

My dd2 had it from that sort of age with no issues, it was brand new then. (Dd1 was older when it was launched anyway). The trick is to have a good relationship with your kids so they come to you with any issues, no need for sneaking looks at phones, mine did

Pressed too soon

If you say no they are likely to be more secretive, not a good position going forward. Age is 13 according to software, use that

A dick pic is a dick pic whether you see it or not.

I've got 2 at high school and they don't have Snapchat or tiktok.

The amount of issues that go on on those apps, particularly bullying and nastiness is INSANE. Both of mine don't really want those apps as they know the hassle and stress that goes with them. When it all kicks off at school and the staff have to investigate who did what, they can just explain they don't have those apps and they're out of the room. Easy!

Our school regularly sends messages home trying to convey the extent to which they waste time trying to deal with the fall out and begging parents to take more responsibility.

My DC have very full and happy social lives, they go to plenty of events and parties etc. If someone wants you included, they will make sure you know about it. People who arrange parties and don't let you know about it aren't your friends. WhatsApp is mostly used and everyone does have that! We have had some issues with WhatsApp and WA stories etc but at least we can all see that and deal with it.

Something I really resent is being pressured to parent to the lowest standard in the wider social group. Just because some parents have completely abdicated responsibility and allowed unlimited phone and social media access for their young teens, it shouldn't mean therefore that the rest of us shouldn't even try to keep our kids safe!

I think you are dead right. Fair play to you standing strong. I allowed it at 14 and I really wish I hadn’t. Even if you think your kids are fine on it and they don’t mention any trouble etc you can be guaranteed 100% they gave been privy to things you would not want them to be. If I had my time again I would have taken your stance!

The tricky thing is that our kids live in the modern, digital world, and will almost certainly end up with all these apps in the end. IMO it's better (over a certain age like 13 or 14) to let them have the apps and talk to them about safely navigating the digital sphere and learning how to exist in that space with all its good and bad points. I use WhatsApp to communicate with my teen/early 20s DDs but I know full well that isn't the platform they use to communicate with friends.

My daughter is 12 and has Snapchat and TikTok.

Snapchat she has only just got - the past 2 months after begging me for ages: she's had her phone 2 years

TikTok she was logged in and using mine for ages but now she has her own account - which is private and she has added me.

I do go through her phone regularly though to check everything - granted Snapchat deletes but she normally saves the convos with her mates and doesn't have any strange people / unknown people on there.

She has come to me when people have tried to add her and she didn't know them - so I found it was a balance between trusting her and giving her some responsibility- she knows that if I find anything then the phone gets taken away and the apps removed before I give it back

@Icantbedoingwithit to be fair I haven't had to put too much work into it as they have both really stopped asking as things have unfolded and they've seen how much upset is down to what goes on on there. It's really hard to know whether I could hold the line if they were distressed by being left out of stuff and were being excluded socially. I would like to think so but I think I have had a relatively easy ride with saying no. It really isn't the case locally that everyone has these things, indeed some don't have WhatsApp or even phones and yet they too are still at parties etc.

The oldest is 14 so if we can just get a bit further along I guess we're then in the territory of having to be exposed to the world's ugliness and learning to navigate it. I really don't think that needs to start at 11 or 12 though.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I was obviously going to let my older child have it too at this point.

I guess I was wavering as older child is great socially, big group of friends, loves sports and generally doing well where dc 2 is austic so struggles much more socially and trying to fit in. I also didn't want him trying to become sneaky and go behind my back.

I think you guys are right. It's a no to snap chat for the moment

You are doing a great job! Hold off as long as you can!

No, we don't allow Snapchat or tiktok. You can't unsee something so it's too late even if you have some kind of spyware. Eldest asked for it. We told him to research pros and cons and present argument for having it. Couldn't be bothered so didn't get it!

Was talking to our ict teacher about this, she has a a 12 yo and a 16 yr old. 12 yo pecking her head for it, agreed with total monitoring, signing her up-12 not allowed as too young. So that’s that for her. 16 yr old also monitored, and she gets a notification every time he does. She says the biggest issue for her was the sheer volume-over 700 in a day! What 16 yr old can resist that?

If you don't let them, they'll have it anyway behind your back and you'll have no idea.

My DD has only recently got Snapchat (college aged) Prior to that I wouldn't allow it and did daily spot checks on the phone for that and other apps I'd banned (namely tiktok, which she still hasn't got)

I'd jold firm if I were you.

Snapchat is a serious cesspit.

There's a reason the creators don't let their own kids on it!

I found all kinds of awful things, videos of men masturbating in my DC inbox (aged 14 at the time). It's been blocked ever since in this house.

Also TokTok. The worst of the worst.

It's what you make of it.

If you search for houses, it's shows you pretty pics of houses. If you search makeup, endless videos of makeup are yours. Search naked ladies, that's all you'll get.

It's as innocent or as sinister as you like. Whichever of these your kids pick, you can't win. They will be dragged into an endless doom loop of pointless shit that they get hooked on.

My son is 11 and still at primary. He did ask for Snapchat when he was 10 as quite a few classmates had it. I said no way, he then kept telling me of dramas at school regarding it. He doesn’t like any type of drama so I think it put him off. I’m expecting him to ask again when he starts secondary but it’s a definite no. He has WhatsApp and he chats with friends on there. He also chats with them on Fortnite too.