To let my 12 yr old have snap chat

[Hankunamatata]

So dc is nearly 13 and has ask couple times for snap chat but Iv always said no as secondary school have had some major issues around use of snap chat.

They have what's app. They are away and sending messages saying they are feeling very left out as everyone us using snap chat. There some sen and problems making friends so they pull my heart strings

Now after some googling I think I can download and subscribed to parenting app to monitor snap chat content which would make me feel more comfortable and dc has agreed to this so wouldn't be secret monitoring.

Dh is still not sure and I'm on fence.

YANBU to let dc have snap chat as long as the parenting app is monitoring it?

YABU to even considering letting dc have snap chat

Any recommendations would be so helpful too.

My year 7 daughter has been asking me for it for weeks and l always say no.
As a compromise, l have it on my phone and she is allowed to go on it on that sometimes. I feel bad as l know everyone is on it but l have been warned off it so often that l know l am protecting her really.

My year 8 daughter has WhatsApp which is what most her friends use. She's asked for Snapchat but it's a hard no from me. She also wants instagram which I am considering as she mostly wants it to follow bands, so I'm considering allowing this, purely for following but not posting anything.

but l have been warned off it so often that l know l am protecting her really.
(I'm not in the UK but think I'm right that Y7 = 11 - 12 yo?)

If that's the case, then you're correct to stop her using it - the minimum age is 13. I always insisted they were the age specified before they got the apps, and now proof is required for some apps.

However once she is 13, it's not protecting her not to help her navigate social media appropriately.

There's no way she can use it on your phone - it's instant messaging & replies with a whole load of norms (eg you can't read a snap & not reply back, for example). If she's seeing it on your phone it's pointless really.

Firm no. My ds was 16 before he had it. I too work in safeguarding and Snapchat is a complete no no

I teach in a secondary school in an affluent area, very hands on parents. The kids ALL have Snapchat 🤷🏻‍♀️. It’s literally all they use to communicate. Surprised at the response on here so far.

I work in sexual offending, please don't

12 y/o has whatsapp only. Not in secondary yet though so i anticipate requests for snapchat etc next year. Thanks for all the insights. Sounds like a f*cking minefield 😔

My reason for no is simply because in 99% of situations involving social media be it grooming, sharing photos, online bullying, relationship breakdowns, it's always Snapchat that's been used.

Tiktok and Instagram are bad for mental health IF they get down the wrong a rabbit hole.

This is not because they all use Snapchat, but because they know there's no trace so little can be done about it. It's abused and used.

I have a younger dc and she isn't allowed Snapchat, insta, tiktok, Facebook etc etc. Roblox is also banned and YouTube is monitored by me as well but yes she has it. She can have it once she's reached the point of managing what it brings.

She has WhatsApp but I check it most nights when she gives me her phone. We've had a recent group chat bullying situation within her year group at school on WhatsApp so nothing is safe.

We had police come to us for another reason a couple of years ago and they said Snapchat, Roblox and Facebook were the worst for grooming and indecent material.

You make your own decisions with the information you have. For me it's an absolute no.

We relented for 13 year old and bloody hate it.
make sure your DC doesn’t share their location, and monitor it closely.
In hate the Tik tok style videos that bombard the app. Its not just for messaging unfortunately

We had police involvement because DC had been sent illegal images. You would be advised to monitor the phone very heavily if you allow it because the amount of unsolicited porn that comes through is astonishing. I wanted to bleach my eyes.

Does anyone have any experience with apples communication safety family setting? It's supposed to detect and prevent sending/viewing nude photos. I've activated it on the DC's phones and am interested in how it works in reality.

If you want to end your DC's childhood , give them social media.

Social worker here and I agree we see a fair bit of bullying and grooming linked to Snapchat and TikTok. That being said, my 15yo DD has had both since being 12/13 without any issue.

When she first asked, my instinctive response was "over my cold dead body" but I have really tried as a parent to avoid the hard no approach because what I see most often over everything is children getting into trouble by doing things behind their parents backs. Instead I had a conversation where I highlighted my worries and she told me about the privacy settings she still uses to keep her accounts private and we agreed she could have it but needed to tell me about any issues and she has absolutely done this.

The biggest danger with social media is children getting into trouble with it and feeling they can't tell anyone. DD often comes to me with things her friends are doing/have done to help solve problems, often because I don't just take the "no" approach and they see me as someone who understands and is helpful.

Social media is their generation and they need to understand how to use it safely and navigate the dangers. They can't do this if they're not allowed to use it.

Haha, tell me you’re not a parent of teens without telling me you’re not a parent of teens. Fb is for ancient people, teenagers have no interest in it. WhatsApp isn’t cool after year 7. I’m dead against both Snapchat and TikTok but the reason kids want them is because ‘everyone else’ has them. In our large school (of mostly middle class children in an affluent area, where you might reasonably expect more boundaries etc in parenting) it’s definitely the case that most kids have them, sadly.

I wouldn’t. I’ve just left secondary teaching and although I wasn’t a safeguard lead, I still know of some of the awful stuff (stuff that kids can’t unsee) that goes off on that app!

I remember talking to our now DSL when Snapchat emerged. He just said, “well we know it’s going to be used for bullying and dick pics” Now he’s dsl, it’s one of the banes of his life. Don’t give in, op, especially given sen etc.

snapchat Is the way all the kids communicate and arrange things outside of school. They would be socially isolated with out it. It’s a very difficult position for a parent

This is brutal but I believe very true!

Ex school safeguarding lead here.

My DC didn’t get phones till 14, no Snapchat, no TikTok. Snapchat is an absolute bullies and groomers dream. TikTok is toxic and dreadful for kids mental health.

Mine use WhatsApp and I have full access to their phones, if I ask for it.

Why is that? My dc wants it and so far I’ve said no

I upped the parental controls on his phone significantly - less overall screen time (it just shuts off, but he can still call me), no access after 930, I have to approve all apps

@EarringsandLipstick can you point me towards a link that shows me how to do all this please? My DS has a samsung and I don't seem to be able to secure it. Thanks

‘The biggest danger with social media is children getting into trouble with it and feeling they can't tell anyone. DD often comes to me with things her friends are doing/have done to help solve problems, often because I don't just take the "no" approach and they see me as someone who understands and is helpful.’

this in spades. We have an ‘open’ policy which has worked well with 14 yr old. 11 year old will be more difficult to manage I can tell now! But 11 year old has no SM at all and 14 year old has WA and Snap only.

my 12 year old begs us all the time for Snapchat and ticktok, and the answer is always no, I
just feel she’s far too young. As a parent I don’t feel she is mature enough or responsible enough to process and differentiate the pros and cons of such SM apps.

I download whatever apps my dc want on my phone and theirs and we try them out together for a weekend.
Snapchat was a hell no, when dd encountered hardcore porn pictures in the first 15 minutes when she clicked on something (might have been “stories”or something like that)

My dc find all the nooks and crannies that I don’t notice or think to explore. I could easily have Snapchat on my phone and think it’s a nice messaging app and be none the wiser. So my policy is to be open to exploring with the dc, and chat about it together so that they feel trusted to make responsible decisions about tech and know they can come to me with problems because I’ll listen and not over react. The hell no to Snapchat was dd’s decision and she’s still standing by it.

If your older dc isn't allowed it why would you be changing the rules for your younger more vulnerable child?
Definitely no Snapchat or TikTok unless you want your child to see things that cannot be unseen.
Eating disorders, self harm, gender confusion, bullying... my stepson was sent photos of a man putting nails in his testicles when he had Snapchat.
Don't do it and be firm with your child.