Thoughts on what I seen on partners phone.

[Treesinsnow]

I have posted before about a message my partners ex sent him and his reply. Majority of posters said they would be worried and his the rare exchange of one message between them was fine and handled well. However, I have not seen that they have again been chatting and he asked her to send him a photograph!!

I just don't know what to think. In my last post about this, posters said he was kindly giving her the brush off but asking her to send him a photo! How would that be giving her the brush off? Could he still be attracted to her? Why would he want a photo of her if he wasn't?

You are very naive. He's already cast you aside emotionally.

If he really cares about you he would not be asking her to send him a photo.

Wise up.

Raise your standards OP.

You're ridiculous, sorry 🤦🏼‍♀️

Op the old adage of treat others as you would want to be treated yourself is a good one.

I am betting you wouldn't dream with flirting with your ex and asking him to send you a photo.

It would feel like you were disrespecting him, wouldn't it?

Now let's look at your partner again. He doesn't give a stuff about disrespecting you.

Once someone loses respect for you the next step is resentment and then actively hating you.

He's checked out.

This.

You have low self esteem I suspect. This creep is not a catch OP, chuck him back and value yourself more.

Exactly. Op you know it's not innocent or you'd have no reason to ask. Get out there's better out there

I remember your other thread. His Ex messaged, ‘I want you to make me scream.’ He responded with a smiley face emoji.

Most posters advised you to bin him. Their thoughts included: he was encouraging her/flirting back; this was part of an ongoing, deleted conversation; they were already at it or soon would be.

This new information is very bad news in itself, but especially when paired with their previous interaction.

Her: I want you to make me scream.
Him: 😀
Her: Flirt, flirt, flirt
Him: Send me a photo.

She is reaching out sexually and flirting and he is absolutely reciprocating. Not only is he failing to shut her down, he is encouraging and investing in her by requesting a photo for masturbatory purposes. This is an escalation.

@Treesinsnow, he is not monogamous or loyal to you. He may not have physically cheated yet, but I would consider this to be emotional infidelity with sexual elements. Continue with this cake eater at your own peril.

This thread is a real illustration on how men expect to get away with behaving like pigs, isn't it. Girlfriends like OP let them.

Why are you asking this? Of course he's still attracted to her. Come on now, you know this.

Well nobody here can tell you for sure why he wanted the photo.

1. He misses looking at her & wants to see her again
2. he finds her attractive & wants a photo to masturbate over
3. he is concerned she is unwell and wants a photo to make sure she is okay
4. she told him she had a new tshirt & he asked for a photo of it.

Only you know what the message before said, and that will give you a clue as to why it moved to him asking for a photo. But to be honest, if you're not going to leave him then you need to stop looking at his phone. You're making yourself upset about something you're unwilling to address properly & giving him the go ahead to carry on with his behaviour. Which btw is unacceptable.

Your DP is flirting with his ex, asked for a photo presumably so he could get off on a pic of her, and you say "I'm not going to dump him!"

What would you dump him for? I'd definitely dump someone over that.

I didn't see your previous thread @Treesinsnow ....and I can't see that it's been mentioned here. Do they have kids together?? Or what is the reason he is still in contact with his Ex. I agree with all PPs he's definitely engaging in the flirting, its not just her, and you have to wake up and smell the coffee. Sorry OP but if they haven't already, they will soon be either sleeping together or be back together. Get out with some dignity whilst you can.

@Hiphopboppertybop99, I mentioned that thread in my previous post. The Ex messaged, ‘I want you to make me scream,’ and he replied with a smiley face.

Op - if I was you, I would change my name to doormat. Stop looking at his phone and just live in your land of make believe.

People have given you honest responses and you are choosing to bury your head over it. This will only end one way.

Either save yourself the wasted time and effort now and have some dignity or ignore it, be his doormat and he treated with the lack of respect and dignity he is affording you. Choice is yours…

Ohhhh...
Stand by my post and everything all the other PPs said.

If a man was flirting with you, would you ask him for a photo? He’s taking the piss and I would be raging. I’d tell him to leave. Even if you don’t mean it, he needs a short sharp knock!!

I really hope the OP is on a wind up.

Surely nobody can be this ridiculous when he is treating her like crap and had one foot out the door already.

Can anyone really be this naive?

There have been a few of these lately with similar styles and stories. Oddly they are removed pretty quick....

I am not responsible for the previous posts. I have only posted about this once before.

I’d bin my DH for this because I would lose all trust.

Yes, he's probably still attracted to her. Unless she's physically changed a great deal, whatever he found attractive about her will still be there. That's not really the issue, though. He could find her attractive and be committed to his relationship with you, which would require that he not request photos of her or engage with her flirtatious messages. He doesn't have to do that, but he does.

You don't have to be actually cheated on to end a relationship. If you aren't ready to throw in the towel, you need to talk to him seriously about what's happening and how it makes you feel. Lay out your expectations for a continued relationship. Otherwise, you're just putting up with bad behaviour from him and hoping he decides to stay with you. That wouldn't be for me, personally.

Sorry OP, I know you don't want to hear it but he is flirting. He is attracted to her and while they are already cheating emotionally atm, it is likely to be physical soon if not already. They always find time if they want to.

A woman flirted with a previous partner of mine. He told her he was with me, not interested and to never message him again. That is the response I would expect. Him not shutting it down is engaging, him asking for a photo is progressing it. He is an active participant here.

This.

Op, do you really need strangers on the internet to tell you that he’s obviously doing some wrong and behaving inappropriately?

If you’re going to stay with him, you’re going to need to address instead of coming on mumsnet every time you see something dodge.

Obviously he is doing it because he fancies her and doesnt respect you.

But you've said if he isnt actually cheating you wont dump him.

So just go and play happy families.