Date commenting on how bad candles are, aibu?

[KeiraKnightley2]

Been seeing a guy for a few months, no particular red flags.

Tonight we were sending photos of things in our homes and mine included a candle holder I upcycled with an unlit candle. He made a comment on how bad burning candles are for your health and the environment, 'like someone smoking next to you'. I read the message while enjoying the last of my 'Christmas Day' candle 😄

Isn't this a bizarre comment to make? I read it and thought, oh here we go...

He thought you had reached the stage where he was allowed to express his own opinion and not just agree with you and flatter you.
If you need a lap dog it certainly is a red flag.

I would find it mildly irritating but not a red flag. It depends how irritating he is in other ways. If he is one of those people who likes to inform you about all the unhealthy stuff in life he could get very annoying. There are plenty of women on mumsnet who would be an ideal match for him though! 😂

I was just about to say he's been reading too many of the threads on here!

Theres a spectacular one at the moment about some poor teacher who thought she would put a diffuser in her class room.

I don't think burning them is very good for you. It doesn't stop me doing it though!

Does he have an opinion on log burners?

I love candles but they aren't good for you. Can't compare with cigarettes though.

Are you new here lol

Red flags are everywhere, just lurking behind every corner, if you look hard enough, you will find a field of red flags.

It seems very neggy to me too.

If OP was posting about how they've been talking for this time period and always agree on everything, people would tell her to block and run because "mirroring" is a red flag.

I do think he sounds a little "eco bro" but otherwise ok, maybe I need to raise my bar

The horror of candles and perfume is something I literally only ever encounter on Mumsnet and absolutely never in real life. I’m properly laughing at people saying “Well, candles are awful, he’s right, they’re bad for you, lots of people would agree with him”. Not outside the realms of Mumsnet, they wouldn’t!

I can’t stand scented candles. The cloying awful smell. I’m the same about air fresheners of all kinds, they make me feel sick and give me a headache.

I don’t have ocd! (But I also don’t think it’s anything like someone smoking next to you!)

Yabu.

It’s just an opinion. He told you that they were bad for your health which they are. He didn’t insult your candleholder nor is telling someone that xyz is unsafe an insult. Perhaps, he cares about you enough to express such an opinion.

This is not negging.

Negging (Oxford Dictionary)

insult or undermine (someone) in the belief that diminished confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances.

Scented candles also release phthalates (which are hidden in most scented products - cleaning, beauty etc.). See below an extract from a paper.

Phthalates are also endocrine disrupters which affect fertility (male and female).

However, it is still an odd comment to make - no one is perfect. I may avoid X but indulge in Y. So it is all about balance.

*

The aroma from a lit scented candle is released through the evaporation of the fragrance from the hot wax pool and from the solid candle itself releasing volatile organic compounds (VOCs). Even the fragranced products labeled as green or organic, can also emit surreptitious hazardous air pollutants 2]. The burning of paraffin releases VOCs into the air like acetone, benzene, and toluene 3].
The synthetic fragrances that are used in making candle scents usually contain phthalates. As the candles burn, phthalates are released into the air and can be inhaled or absorbed through the skin. When the phthalates enter the bloodstream, they can exacerbate allergic symptoms and asthma and alter hormone levels 4]. A number of studies have reported that most fragrances products like scented candles, cleaning products, deodorants, scents of laundry products, air-fresheners are associated with generalized headaches, coughing, shortness of breath, migraine headache, asthma attacks, dermatitis or allergic rhinitis 5–11]. The U.S. public health authorities have reported that a regular burning of several scented candles indoors can expose the resident to detrimental quantities of organic chemicals 12]. Breathing of VOCs is linked to irritation in the eyes, nose and throat, exertion in breathing and nausea, and can also result in damaging the central nervous system and other organs 13].
Moreover, the burning of scented candles also results in release of particulates matter (PM), which is one of the contributing factors for the development of adverse health effects and indoor air pollution 14]. According to Danish CISBO project report an exposure to high levels of PM may have negative affect on the pulmonary and the cardiovascular system 15]. The PM released from candles is very small and when these particles enter the respiratory system, they get deposited in the alveoli 15]. The insoluble parts of the PM are eliminated slowly from system and possibly the accumulation of these particles in the alveoli may be responsible for respiratory and cardiovascular problems.

It's a balancing act, surely? The effect of candle fumes in a well-ventilated rooms versus the mentally calming effect of having them burning.

Exactly. Like walking through town being exposed to the fumes from idling cars on your way to the gym.

I hate candles not because of the smoke or because I think they are a pollutant.....I just think they're a huge fire risk.

Yabu...

Actually reading all the ops posts I actually think she's the red flag if anything. They've been dating for months and she has the hump because he's actually expressed an opinion. Unless you want some drip who agrees with and likes everything you do?

They are definitely not good if you have a lung condition, so I assume they're best avoided. Source:British Lung Foundation.

www.asthmaandlung.org.uk/sites/default/files/Indoor%20air%20pollution%20downloadable%20PDF.pdf