Date commenting on how bad candles are, aibu?

[KeiraKnightley2]

Been seeing a guy for a few months, no particular red flags.

Tonight we were sending photos of things in our homes and mine included a candle holder I upcycled with an unlit candle. He made a comment on how bad burning candles are for your health and the environment, 'like someone smoking next to you'. I read the message while enjoying the last of my 'Christmas Day' candle 😄

Isn't this a bizarre comment to make? I read it and thought, oh here we go...

@hellsBells246 yes he's generally environmentally friendly in many ways. But he does meat and flies around every 2 months although he's taking trains more now where he can

I think sometimes people get caught up in one issue whereas lots of things about our lifestyles lead to problems.

They are bad for you, he's right, but then so are lots of other things, and we still do them because they bring us pleasure. Like eating cake or bacon, using perfume, drinking alcohol.

He really needs to losen up a bit. Unless he's allergic, of course.

He's right. If you want to burn any candles stearine candles (unscented) are the least toxic. It's the only candles I can burn without a reaction

I wonder how many candles you'd have to burn to be equivalent to one flight every two months! What a hypocrite.

He’s not totally wrong. Beeswax candles scented with essential oils are the best if you do want to burn candles. I love candles as well but I made the reluctant switch to an oil diffuser. The smell is good but the ambience is lacking.

He sounds boring and annoying. I absolutely love candles….imagine having him nagging at you for the rest of your life anytime you wanted to light a candle or perhaps sit next to a log burner?! I’d definitely get rid.

He not saying it’s bad for the environment he’s saying it’s bad for your health to breathe it in.

@HuntingForChicken he said both

He's absolutely right that they are bad for your health and bad for the environment, the science is clear. I haven't burnt candles for years because of this, we have a lot of lung disease in the family and I'm careful not to risk it. I don't get so much pleasure from a candle that it's worth it.

Bit of an odd thing to say by text though, comes across as quite judgy comparing it to smoking. it would be easier to put it more diplomatically face to face.

"like smoking next to you" are they? A singular candle?

Googling tells me there's one paediatric doctor in the USA who has said this, but seemingly not backed it up by a study.

The only study I could find here has this as its Conclusion:

Increased concentrations of particulate matter in indoor air by cigarette smoke were found to increase the indoor air concentrations of PCB in a contaminated room. Particles released by burning candles did not show the same effect as cigarette smoke even though their number concentration was higher than that of the cigarette particles

*Emphasis mine.

Other articles I found say that cooking is about as bad, and god forbid you ever walk beside a busy road.

But I'm happy to take back my comment once I've seen the copious scientific evidence.

@Josette77 see my above comments.

Ooof, I never knew this about candles.
I'm going to see what I can find in PubMed tomorrow (peer reviewed studies).

I don't like candles, they aren't great and all that palm oil comes from destroyed rain forests, so I don't use them on principle.

Plus I'm the sort to fall asleep on the sofa and leave one burning, so I regard them as a fire hazard, but I wouldn't be so rude as to criticise someone else's home.

Yeah I couldn't find anything referencing anything even remotely close to something official like PubMed, but I did look! I remember looking this stuff up when it originally was another crazy "THIS THING'LL GIVE YOU CANCER!" scare-mongering whatever. The article from Science Direct was as close to a legit medical study as I could find and tbh I don't actually know if it's legit at all.

We often have my DB’s lab staying with us; he’s very farty and quickly lighting a scented candle for a few seconds gets rid of the stink in no time.

He sounds like a pompous mansplainer to me. Fuck him into the bin and move on.

very triggering to children with asthma or adults with respiratory issues.
environmentally bees wax candles are better, at least no rancid fat used or perfume additives to camouflage the smell of decomposition.
there is a fair amount of soot produced, place a burning candle where there is a low cupboard above it (like the kitchen counter) let it burn for a few hours then wipe the bottom of the cupboard it will be sooty.

i found at least 3 recent research pieces on google scholar
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/ina.12909

He is right. Burning candles are bad for your health, specially the ones that are scented.

I don't like em. I don't get them. They're not good for you. He hasn't said he's not allowing you to have them. Just don't burn them around him.

I hate candles they are a fire risk. But maybe it was too much to say so early on. Some people do have their things they harp on about but usually keep quiet until they know people better.

It's funny, it would be a green flag and a massive relief to me as have a horrible allergy to scented candles!
Probably not enough to base his whole character on, but maybe would raise compatibility issues if he has a whole different approach to health than you.
Is he fun to be around or a bit too uptight to click with?

@Achillo we definitely click. I'd said he can be quite serious but he's also good fun and plans enjoyable dates. I suppose we haven't dated long enough yet to see what he's like long term.

He comes from a country that is healthier than the UK overall definitely and he takes it seriously. But I'd say we have similar approaches & a sport in common, so not at opposite ends.

If he's not allowed to dislike anything you enjoy, perhaps you can let him know and provide a list of what to avoid?

I'd be more suspicious of someone never disliking or disagreeing about anything personally. Obvious exceptions exist so how they express disagreeableness matters too

I have lived to the age of 60+, please could someone enlighten me re the comment about frying bacon in an unventilated room. Thank you.