Date commenting on how bad candles are, aibu?

[KeiraKnightley2]

Been seeing a guy for a few months, no particular red flags.

Tonight we were sending photos of things in our homes and mine included a candle holder I upcycled with an unlit candle. He made a comment on how bad burning candles are for your health and the environment, 'like someone smoking next to you'. I read the message while enjoying the last of my 'Christmas Day' candle 😄

Isn't this a bizarre comment to make? I read it and thought, oh here we go...

I wouldn't see this as a red flag. Everyone has their quirks, it's up to you what's worth tolerating and what isn't. I think he's overreacting about candles and it's funny that he didn't say anything when you bought them!

If he is concerned for your wellbeing, it seems strange that he omitted to mention the fire hazard burning candles present.

As for being bad for the environment, make sure lover boy is nowhere near the Ganges during Diwali. He'll have a fit.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon
Sauteing food releases a lot of particulate matter that can, in some instances, be allergenic. Burning gas, candles, paraffin indoors also releases carbon monoxide, which, as we know, is BAD.

However, extractor fans and open windows generally mitigates the risks, and few people have keeled over from eating a full English breakfast. Or if they did, that would be the atherosclerosis.

Imagine if it gets serious and you're forever banned from candles.
It's candles today and something else tomorrow.
I'd have to bin him off, sorry.

We had a power cut last night. I was glad I had some candles.

For me, that would be off-putting, even if it's technically correct. It'd be more understandable if you were burning candles all over the place, all the time. Ultimately, if I were a candle-lover I wouldn't want him ruining candles for me! There are many worse things people do than light an occasional candle, and all sorts of things are bad for us, yet people go on enjoying them and don't want to be constantly 'educated' on how everything they like is going to kill them.

It's good that he's written back to soften his approach, at least.

Quite an overreaction to a comment that is health linked, OP.

Sounds like he needs to beware of you, with that facile and ignorant view of mental illness.

It seems incorrect to compare it to smoking but they are bad for you so it’s nothing wacky he’s said. We all say incorrect things at some point. And I would be suspicious of someone that only agreed with me and couldn’t bring something like this up in conversation. I don’t see how it’s negging as he’s stating things quite plainly.

I think threads like this elevate what the person said when really it was just a few lines in a conversation that came to their mind when OP showed a candle. It’s not necessarily a topic that’s dear to their heart. Could just easily be something they read about recently.

He's being up front and giving you something to think about.
Do you burn candles a lot, in the main living rooms etc?

I don't mind burning candles occasionally for special occasions though not burnt for hours, and not too scented.

Burning scented candles most days, I could never live with.
It is akin to smoking in that respect.

I had absolutely no idea that burning candles were considered a health risk. Wow.

I love the smell of candles being lit, and like in a church type situation when there are lots of big ones burning 😄 🤣

But I don't smoke or vape so I think I'll survive my little vice

no particular red flags

sounds like there might be more than just the candle one though.

Burning anything or releasing any sort of vapour into the air is going to have an effect on your health. BUT if the candles destress you then the overall effect can be positive and healthy, such as an occasional glass of wine to chill.

Think of it as the sugar on the bitter pill of life.

Or put it this way: we need oxygen to live yet it's the most corrosive element in the universe. Every breath nudges us closer to the grave so you might as well make the journey worthwhile.

As for bf; ignore his nonsense. Most of human history was spent in a totally natural environment and we were lucky to make it past 5 and our elders died at 50.

Light your candles, OP, and let them do you good.

I don't think a lack of candle compliments consitutes 'negging'. You either like the guy or you don't.

An intelligent man would have asked what type of candles they were.
Some are better quality than others surely? I think soy are considered better. Ask him what type he recommends.

Yes, avoid those pesky, smelly, cheap tallow candles. Only use beeswax candles

https://www.eco-steamclean.co.uk/the-hidden-dangers-of-scented-candles/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9832800/#:~:text=The%20synthetic%20fragrances%20that%20are,alter%20hormone%20levels%20%5B4%5D.

Scented candles are terrible for you unless they're high quality.

I thought most people would know that

Some scented candles absolutely do release some awful toxins into the air. The cheap ones are full of chemical shite and I certainly don't use them indoors (they give me headaches)

He sounds more reasonable than OP at the moment. It was just a comment in what is presumably an ongoing regular chat with an intelligent person with some opinions and ideas. So what.

I have candles, cheaper and more expensive. I don’t burn them much and didn’t realise they were bad for my health.

Agree. I can't believe his candle comment is even being considered a potential red flag. No idea what 'negging' is but sounds like you want a robot for a man. Why can't he voice his opinion? Candles are bad for you. You didn't even know that. So how exactly is his comment problematic? No offence but the red flag here is on you.

It’s very peculiar to comment, from a photograph, on the burning or not of candles in someone’s house, if you haven’t been asked for an opinion.

If he’s been coming round for a couple of weeks and the OP was a total candle fiend, then you might say did you realise they aren’t great for you.

He sounds like a fusspot to me OP, which would put me off a bit, but obviously not a dumping offence.. unless it extents to the rest of your life choices

Some people are really keen to turn every little pleasure into a 'health hazard'...

What a joyless existence.

Anyway I am with you OP. I like lighting up candles and incense and have been doing that for decades. I don't do it 24 hours a day and I ventilate the place.

Back to this man: it would worry me that as you shared pictures he chose to say something critical and behave as a smart-arse rather than just enjoy you sharing pics from your home.

Also you spent time up cycling that candle-holder and probably enjoyed doing that a lot and it is a downer that someone then decides to be negative.

Frankly I would not want to live with someone who is always over-analysing everything.

I am sure hot baths, candles and chocolate are 'bad for your health' if you really to be precious but they are also part of life's little joys...