To wish friends wouldn't invite other couple when we visit.

[rainonthewindows]

We have some good friends we've known for years and get on really well with, they're really easy going like us, we have the same humour and can have a really good laugh as we don't take ourselves too seriously and can joke and banter.
However they have some other friends well call x&x who are really nice people but are very straight laced and serious and don't like to joke and banter so when they are there we have to be careful what we say because they're easily offended and don't swear or anything and I feel it really changes the ambience of the evening.
Our friends have invited us over this weekend and we've accepted, however I've seen friend this morning and she said they are really looking forward to seeing us this weekend and so are x&x who are coming too, to be honest my heart sank a bit as it won't be the fun evening I was expecting because I hadn't realised they'd be there and dh isn't bothered about going either now, I don't dislike them, they just aren't our sort of people, they're much more formal than we like to be.
Would it be really bad if we declined and said we'd prefer to see them when they aren't with x&x or is that just something you don't say?

Go but instigate another night out the four of you another time.

Just say it. The worst that can happen is they're offended, but equally they've invited you and not been open about who else they've invited which is a bit offhand as well, so it evens out in my opinion.

Yeah it will probably cause a bit of upset tbh. But don't go if you don't want to, maybe throw a sickie and invite them round yours another time, then you can control the guest list.

Decline if you feel you must but don't cite x&x as the reason. If you mention anything about going when the other couple are not there you then open the door to the fact you have an issue with them, which could affect your friendship.

They probably invite you all together so that the evening is less dull than if they only invited x&x. Are they old friends?

If you’re close friends I’m sure you can say that while you like x&x you’d probably not choose to socialise with them for the reasons above and you just wanted to have a relaxed evening?

I’d say you’ll have to address it at some point with them or they’ll always assume it’s ok and invite them because they don’t know how you feel.

I think it’s kind of rude to say that
You are risking x and x replacing you if u can’t socialise with other people
When it’s ur invite you can chose who you want

You can’t control the guest list at someone’s house. Go, be yourselves and don’t change your behaviour for them. If they don’t like it they won’t attend the next time you are at their friend’s house.

Is it possible they are more aligned to X&X than you think, and that is why they have invited them, to balance things out?

Agree. You host, you choose.

This was my first thought tbh.

But maybe they like the other couple just as much? The OP perceives the mutual friends as being like her and her husband, but perhaps the ‘serious’ couple bring out a more serious side of the mutual friends, too.

I mean, it’s possible they invite the serious couple at the same time as the OP to temper her sweary banter?

^^this

Invite them back to yours next time?

Well, yes, it could be either situation. It's guesswork.

If they are hosting, it would be very rude to say anything or now decline.

Next time you host, and don't invite the others. It's not difficult.

I wouldn't have thought so, we've seen them with lots of other friends just like them and known them a very long time.

Go but be yourselves , as long as you're not being wildly offensive....
If they don't like it next time they are invited when you are hopefully they'll be the ones to politely decline!

I get where you're coming from but I don't think there's a good way to say it without causing offence.

On a practical level people only have so much time for socialising and combining friends into single events is one strategy to help with it. Obviously the combinations won't always work but I'd consider that if you insist on just seeing them separately that you will see less of them. If they have a closer relationship with the straight laced couple they may prioritise them and it could be a lot less. I'd weigh this up before deciding to say anything.

I'd suck this one up but be weary in future. But the bigger question why change your behaviour ak much? x&X are obviously not changing their behavior for you. Just because someone doesn't seem as funny as you doesn't mean you have to back down and be like them.

I don’t swear but I don’t have any problem with others swearing. Really annoys me when people check their language around me.

I think it's fine to say something as you're close friends. Perhaps not to pull out of this date as it's fixed now, but as a PP said, I'd go to this one and be more like yourselves, don't adjust so much and if the other couple disapprove that'll just make it all the easier to mention to your friend after that you had a good time but would rather see them without XX in future as you don't gel as well as you hoped.

I had a similar situation where a mutual friend assumed I got on with a third person because we knew each other via working in the same industry, were friends on social media etc., when the truth was that I felt she didn't really like me (some professional jealousy but also just a personality clash) and she'd have sly digs at me. Even if it was unintentional, it wasn't enjoyable for me, so after a particularly awkward dinner (for me, I doubt friend would've noticed), I told my friend that while I liked X, I felt like we didn't really get on that well and I'd rather just see her, not all three of us. Friend was understanding and it's been better since then. X isn't aware of it, but even if she was, I'm okay with it. Life's too short to socialise with people who make you feel uncomfortable.

If you don't want to go, don't go. But they may be closer to this couple than you realise so it's probably best to just come up with a credible excuse.

I don't think it's good advice to "go, but just be yourselves" because that would seem weird (to you as well as them) after presenting yourselves differently on other occasions.

You now know if invited in future that you'll need to ask if anyone else will be there, before accepting. If the awkward couple are in attendance, you can consult your diary and find that it's booked.

I do think if you are not the host then you cannot control the guest list.

I like to be comfortable and relaxed on a night out so I’d decline in future.

It’s puzzling though - you say your friends like to have fun so do they also alter their behaviour around this other couple?

are the other couple their family? Neighbours or colleagues?

Why make excuses - you'll only have to keep on making excuses and it'll become obvious - or you'll have to put up with it. Which do you want? If you're bored witless, then this is a situation where I'd have to be straight up and tell the friends. It's pointless making excuses not to go to theirs next time, or saying you'll invite your friends to yours next time, because they're presumably going to invite you again and still invite the x's - so you'd need to keep on finding silly excuses!

Far better to be open and honest if you feel this way - you just have to say you don't feel comfortable/find it restrictive because you're both on tenterhooks all the time that you'll say something that the x's won't like. The x's sound dull and humourless and if they're not your kind of people - that's fine. It'll come out in the end, anyway - so tell the friends now. No need to be rude, just honest.

I would go this time and let the evening be constrained. Then hopefully your hosts will get the message, and if not, you could suggest getting together without the other couple so that you can let your hair down. Do the hosts check their swearing etc too?