To wish friends wouldn't invite other couple when we visit.

[rainonthewindows]

We have some good friends we've known for years and get on really well with, they're really easy going like us, we have the same humour and can have a really good laugh as we don't take ourselves too seriously and can joke and banter.
However they have some other friends well call x&x who are really nice people but are very straight laced and serious and don't like to joke and banter so when they are there we have to be careful what we say because they're easily offended and don't swear or anything and I feel it really changes the ambience of the evening.
Our friends have invited us over this weekend and we've accepted, however I've seen friend this morning and she said they are really looking forward to seeing us this weekend and so are x&x who are coming too, to be honest my heart sank a bit as it won't be the fun evening I was expecting because I hadn't realised they'd be there and dh isn't bothered about going either now, I don't dislike them, they just aren't our sort of people, they're much more formal than we like to be.
Would it be really bad if we declined and said we'd prefer to see them when they aren't with x&x or is that just something you don't say?

This ^

Just be yourselves. If x and x are so offended then next time they will decline.

If the other couple really are looking forward to seeing you, maybe they don't mind how you behave? People are busy, it might suit the hosts to have more than one set of friends come over together - and it's their party, their choice of guests.

But they’re not ‘double-booking’, which implies reserving the same hotel room or train seat for more than one person for the same night/journey, when only one person can occupy the room or seat.

The OP’s friends have simply invited her over at the same time as other friends, presumably because they like a mix of people, or want more people present.

The issue arises because the OP thought it was just them invited, whereas the hosts presumably had always conceived of it as an evening/dinner with more people present.

But it would be very strange to decline the invitation on the ground of ‘double-booking’, when it’s because she doesn’t like the other couple.

When she told you this morning, I would've just said "oh that's a shame because we both much prefer it when it's the 4 of us".

I don't get how people can just invite others, be it another friend, couple, their child, do casually. It changes the dynamic. It really hacks me off. If I wanted the other person there I would have suggested it!

Each to their own but I definitely would not say that. It’s tantamount to saying “we loathe your friends” or “you have poor taste”.

Op your friends are probably using you as a buffer between them and their more straight-laced guests. Your presence makes the evening far more enjoyable for your hosts. As they are going to the trouble of hosting it’s something you might consider doing for your friend’s sake and to “earn your dinner” as it were?

This

Tell them you've been looking forward to catching up with them so if they've made plans with this couple it's not a problem, you'll rearrange your visit. Just let you know when they're free for a catch up just with you.

I would go, but I would be myself so if x&x don’t like it tough

then I would invite your friends only to yours one evening so they can see how much better it is without x&x

I just wouldn't change myself around x&x It's an evening, you're grown ups, just be yourself. If they don't like it they will refuse the next group invite, so win win.
I've actually got friends who are outrageous in their humour, swearing and crude etc. And other friends who are very reserved and straight laced. I enjoy both types of company, but I wouldn't necessarily mix them socially. Your friend must think your humours and personalites are suited, so doesn't expect you to behave differently.

I think it would be really rude to be negative about your friend's friends, and their choice to invite you all. Just make an excuse, and invite Ann and Bob over by themselves for another time.

I agree. People need to learn to be more direct........

Who are you to dictate the rest of the guestlist in somebody else's house? If you want it to be a foursome, you clean your house, organise food, drinks and invite the 'fun' couple over. I would find you rude as hell if i was the hosts and never invite you again. Unbelievable.

The hosts should have mentioned at the time of invitation that the other couple were coming, I'd also be miffed if I was OP and probably would decide not to go

Ideally you make it clear when you invite, would you like to come over for pizza? Vs I'm having some people over for pizza if you'd like to come. Then everyone can do what suits them or not.

In defence of the double booking, I've got friends I often see as groups. If as individuals they started only wanting one on one time then realistically some of them would end up fading out of my social life. There's only so much time.

I wouldn’t say you don’t want to go because of x&x, but I would just be myself when there. Hopefully then the next time you’re both invited x&x say “nah, they’re a bit too much for us!”. Then invite just your friends to yours next time, where you can control the guest list.

When she told you this morning, I would've just said "oh that's a shame because we both much prefer it when it's the 4 of us"

This is good. Focus on just wanting to see them, then it's positive. Bigger numbers changes the level of conversation regardless of liking the other guests so it's not offensive to say you just want the four of you.

I have to say that I agree. If you want it to be different then you need to host yourself. And it’s very rude to not show or try and skip out of the dinner if you’ve already accepted an invitation.

I also agree that the host should have let you know whose coming when she invited you but sometimes a host has to juggle people around a bit owing to different circumstances, such as another date not being possible, or friends driving through on holiday, and as a guest you have to be gracious about it.

Anyone else's toes curling at the reference to 'jokes and banter'? 😳

I generally find that people who describe themselves as having a 'great sense of humour' or 'being a laugh' are the total opposite.
I feel more sorry for the other couple, they probably sit there cringing and prefer their friends when you're not there 😂

Get x&x drunk and just be yourselves. If they don't like it they won't come next time....problem solved!

Bil and sil do this

It makes me feel like our company isn't enough

Wondering what this banter is? Have sometimes found that someone's "banter"is quite often just not that at all.

Go and be your usual selves and with any luck these other people won’t want to be invited next time you are.

The host couple are killing two birds with one stone, IME.
They invite their good friends couple A, then remember they 'owe' a dinner or similar to the boring old Xs and think, I know, we'll ask them along with the As, we'll be fulfilling our obligations and it will probably won't be as bad as it usually is when it's just the Xs.
Very lazy, and you run the risk of everyone having a shit time anyway. I have friends who do this. (And I'm not sure whether we'd be the As or the Xs...)

Perhaps they find X&X more interesting company. Tbh you sound shallow. As my DH says, it's always noisiest at the shallow end.

Go, be yourselves and don't adjust your behaviour. The other couple can then choose to turn down the invitation next time they're invited. I do understand though op. We have mutual friends we like to see on their own and they're constantly trying to invite another couple we know and don't particularly want to see. I think my friend thinks she's doing is a favour reconnecting us with old friends but we haven't kept in touch for a reason!