To think it’s a bit rude not to invite Dd back much

[Whendoesthetodolistend]

Dd is 5. Two doors down, she has a great friend, a boy of similar age, they get on brilliantly, go to the same school etc.
Around a year or so ago, they started playing at each other’s houses, it’s easy as they only need to be walked to each other’s houses and then left there. It’s gradually built up to more playing time. I don’t mind at all as it makes dd so happy, it’s easier than arranging play dates with my friends with kids (which we do also) and he’s a lovely boy. It’s just that it’s now nearly every weekend late afternoon and now almost 3 hours and the mum often doesn’t collect for ages and says she fell asleep. Dd often asks if she can go to their house and the mum makes excuses (have told dd not to invite herself) It’s been weeks of him coming here for hours and dd never going there (it would be nice for us to have a couple of hours break too)
Aibu to think dd should sometimes go to his? She does a bit more in summer as they have a pool and the mum plonks them in and sits by the pool. Also, Dd says when she has been over, that his mum is asleep on the sofa, there’s no chance of me sleeping when they’re playing here 🙈
Again, he’s a lovely boy, but it’s inevitably pretty noisy when they’re here, running around, mess to clean up afterwards etc

Your neighbour has found a free babysitter.

If you don't want him round as much, just say no.
If he's staying too long, just pop him home when you've had enough.
Maybe the boy's Mum has medical issues you don't know about.
Maybe her life isn't what you think
Who knows?

oh your neighbour has hit the jackpot with you ! if he's your Dds friend definitely let him play but not every weekend. When he comes say, we are busy today we will see you another day you also need to let your dd that you are busy today so he can't come and play.

Does she sleep when they’re in the pool? A tangent - but I’d be massively worried about that

Would you really want your daughter to go round there if the mum is sleeping??

@FayCarew It was great at first as she invited Dd over more and I kept saying her dc should come to ours, but he didn’t for a while. I think then when he started, she trusted things were ok, but now it’s been weeks and weeks like this. The last time she did go, was after him being at ours, it was going dark and it was literally 20/30 minutes and whilst there, he was doing his reading homework. This was after him being at ours for hours. Feels like a bit of a piss take, she used to go round more, so not sure what’s changed

Does mum fall asleep while they're in the pool?

She has a free babysitter, you have free access to a pool (in summer) if you're happy with the level of supervision I'd bank up the playdates and send DD round 3 times a week in the summer!

Same, I wouldn't let her go over there. Also when you have had enough of him just take him home.

I have no problem with him coming around as is makes Dd happy, she’s an only child, it occupies her so gives us a bit of a break, but previously it was shared was brilliant for both of us I thought

Is the dad in the picture?

I would be a bit concerned about this little boy - what's going on with the mum? Depression/illness/addiction issues spring to mind

Personally, I'd rather have them playing in my house so I could keep an eye on them at that age.

If you don't want him to come round every week, you'll have to tell him/his mum. It would be a bit of a shame for your daughter though I'd have thought. Probably best not to keep score, just so what works best for you.

You can’t require someone else to have your child, however unfair you think it is the mother doesn’t reciprocate. If you don’t want hers in your house, stop having him over.

not everyone wants kids in their house that isn't theirs all the time maybe his mum wasn't happy with it but you seemed fine to have him so just lets him go to you? I .do think its fine to set you down some ground rules like taking him home after an hour or say not today.

Yes like others I would be more worried about my 5yo going to a house where they were effectively unsupervised - particularly if there’s a pool involved

shes being a cheeky fucker but I don’t think I’d be angling for more time spent at theirs

Of course she doesn’t sleep when they’re in the pool 🙈she sits by or goes in with them.
It was a couple of months ago, I asked Dd what his mum and dad do when she’s there (dad generally not there) and she said the mum was lay on the sofa asleep, no I’m not keen on that, but also have no idea how she sleeps through then playing! When he’s here, they run around playing hide and seek, I watch them in the garden on the trampoline, they sometimes ask to watch tv, so I have to supervise etc etc

Take the bulls by the horns. Next time get dd there before she has a chance to bring her ds to yours.

I wouldn't want my 5 year old round there if she's asleep. Why would you allow her?

It is rude. The parents sound very lax. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. And I wouldn't trust her to supervise properly in the pool.

I mean you could do that get your dd to just go there 9am Saturday morning leave her till lunch time go home have a nap 😄

If he turns up at your house walk both him and your daughter back to his, knock on the door and cheerily announce 'it's your turn this week' when she answers.

The mum is very nice, very responsible, they’re a good family, she works a lot, so I suppose she was having an afternoon snooze on Sunday. I was shocked when Dd told me

Does she message you in advance?
Send him to walk and knock himself?
She comes to the door with him?

Perhaps it is better that he’s always at ours

I’m curious what’s changed though and how she doesn’t feel like she’s being a bit cheeky!

I wouldn’t jump to these conclusions…we had similar with a neighbour when my child was young…the mum was just a freeloading lazy bitch who jumped on my free childcare…

No, she doesn’t send him, Dd will see him walk past with the mum or dad with the dogs and she’ll run out and ask him if they can play together today