To think it’s a bit rude not to invite Dd back much

[Whendoesthetodolistend]

Dd is 5. Two doors down, she has a great friend, a boy of similar age, they get on brilliantly, go to the same school etc.
Around a year or so ago, they started playing at each other’s houses, it’s easy as they only need to be walked to each other’s houses and then left there. It’s gradually built up to more playing time. I don’t mind at all as it makes dd so happy, it’s easier than arranging play dates with my friends with kids (which we do also) and he’s a lovely boy. It’s just that it’s now nearly every weekend late afternoon and now almost 3 hours and the mum often doesn’t collect for ages and says she fell asleep. Dd often asks if she can go to their house and the mum makes excuses (have told dd not to invite herself) It’s been weeks of him coming here for hours and dd never going there (it would be nice for us to have a couple of hours break too)
Aibu to think dd should sometimes go to his? She does a bit more in summer as they have a pool and the mum plonks them in and sits by the pool. Also, Dd says when she has been over, that his mum is asleep on the sofa, there’s no chance of me sleeping when they’re playing here 🙈
Again, he’s a lovely boy, but it’s inevitably pretty noisy when they’re here, running around, mess to clean up afterwards etc

Agree how long he can stay when he arrives or before a visit. Set an alarm and take him home at the agreed time. Tell the mum you are only available in certain times/days & set periods. It's too casual at the moment and you are being used.

Are you sure the mum is OK healthwise? The sleeping rang alarm bells with me, I had a friend as a child whose mum was often asleep. At the time we found it funny but as an adult I realise this was alcoholism and, later, illness. Ofc a Sunday snooze is also possible! Maybe it happened once and your DD mentioned because it stuck in her mind as unusual

@Toomanyemails She mentioned it once when I asked and then not long ago, he was at ours but it was starting to get dark and he’d been here for ages, I was starting to make dinner. I was giving it 5/10 minutes more then we’d drop him back, when she came rushing over apologising profusely, saying she fell asleep. I just don’t know how 🙈even if Dd was at his, so close by, I couldn’t fall asleep as you’re just *On aren’t you? and ready to pick them up in a bit.
She’s a bit older so I’m doubting pregnancy, possibly just working lots, peri 🤷🏻‍♀️Same for me though 😅
Def wouldn’t think it was drink related, never seen her drink, can’t imagine she’s a drinker

This would be my main concern.

I wouldn’t be keen on my 5 year old going and I’d be happy they had a playmate where I could see them. She is cheeky though. Just say ‘not today’ if you don’t want him

If she doesn't supervise/interact with them while they are at her house then she'll assume you are the same and therefore won't consider herself to be cheeky.

In her mind there's no difference between them playing in her house or yours

Why would you want to send your child somewhere where the parent seems disinterested in child care????
If you don't want to babysit then say no to the boy coming over

Why don't you ask her? The lying on the couch with her eyes shut wouldn't bother me to be honest. Doesn't everyone do that with little kids.

I suspect she's either unwell (hence the sleeping) doesn't like other kids in her house, or she's just a CF who is taking advantage of your good nature!

You keep repeating that you are wondering or are curious about it but the only one who can tell you is the neighbour herself. As it doesn't seem as if you're bosom pals with her, it's probably not appropriate to ask so you'll just have to set firmer boundaries about how long and how often and be firm with your daughter too. It doesn't sound as if she's short of friends.

Maybe this is why he's always at yours, the mother/father just takes it that your DD is inviting him in to play and as you don't say otherwise she let's him.

@Crumpleton Sometimes my Dd has asked him if she can play at his house, he’s ran to ask the mum and he comes back and says no, so I say he can come to ours

My DDs best friend is an only child and her mum invites my DD over a lot and has her all day. I have 2 DC and like spending time as a family, giving them time together to play as siblings (they get on well) so am happy to have their various friends over but only for short periods (apart from sleepovers) and not every week. I sometimes worry the other mum sees me as a cheeky fucker but I think if she wants to host my DD that much that's up to her but I shouldn't feel obliged to reciprocate because are situations are different. She's lovely so hopefully she doesn't think that about me 😅my point is that if you are offering because it makes your DD happy that's great but the other mum is not obligated to have your DD over the same amount. You/your DD are inviting him to yours. If it's annoying you that it's not reciprocal then stop having him as much.

She's obviously learnt that you'll always say yes to him coming over.

Unless it is convenient for you the only way to stop it is to just reply "ah ok, maybe another time then" and take your DD inside.

@spriots likewise I don't think she's 'overslept' when she's late to collect. She's just a cheeky one.

I would definitely have a nap if my child was only a few doors down having a play date. I would probably set an alarm, but people can sleep through them or turn them off without thinking. I don’t think it’s a concern, she apologised!

Well there is your answer she doesn't want to look after your Dd it's up to you what you want to do.

you know it is fine for you to say no, your Dd will be OK if he doesn't come in to play.

Unfortunately some people are just like that. I also hosted a lot more than was reciprocated. I just got on with it, my children were happy. Do you work OP? I didn't, so I always assumed I was happy to host as I had lots of time to myself anyway, maybe different if you only get weekends free.

It does get to a point where they get a bit annoyed, one of DD friends would come for full days and regular sleepovers. She never once invited DD for a sleepover at hers. I also fed everyone, that friends mum would give them a biscuit on the rare occasions she hosted and send them home at 7 without dinner 😂DD got a bit annoyed as a teen and stopped inviting her to our house.

Maybe time limit if you are feeling a bit annoyed. Yes he can come for a hour or two?

It probably is better. I absolutely agree with pps about that.

Unless the mother is a shift worker or has a chronic illness why dies she need to be sleeping in the day? Sounds lazy. Wouldn’t want my kid under her ‘supervision’.

I work also, less hours than her tbf

Your daughter sees him and asks to play everytime he walks by with his parents. Its not like shes sending him round for "free childcare" like other posters make out.

Honestly if you aren't happy, stop letting your daughter ask. I let my kids friend's round for them and don't expect it as an IOU.

Your her break,her baby sitter
This isn't a two way thing

I’m imagining them walking backwards and forwards past your house until their son is invited in and they can go home and enjoy their child free day!! Yes it is very cheeky indeed and they will be more than aware of that