To think it’s a bit rude not to invite Dd back much

[Whendoesthetodolistend]

Dd is 5. Two doors down, she has a great friend, a boy of similar age, they get on brilliantly, go to the same school etc.
Around a year or so ago, they started playing at each other’s houses, it’s easy as they only need to be walked to each other’s houses and then left there. It’s gradually built up to more playing time. I don’t mind at all as it makes dd so happy, it’s easier than arranging play dates with my friends with kids (which we do also) and he’s a lovely boy. It’s just that it’s now nearly every weekend late afternoon and now almost 3 hours and the mum often doesn’t collect for ages and says she fell asleep. Dd often asks if she can go to their house and the mum makes excuses (have told dd not to invite herself) It’s been weeks of him coming here for hours and dd never going there (it would be nice for us to have a couple of hours break too)
Aibu to think dd should sometimes go to his? She does a bit more in summer as they have a pool and the mum plonks them in and sits by the pool. Also, Dd says when she has been over, that his mum is asleep on the sofa, there’s no chance of me sleeping when they’re playing here 🙈
Again, he’s a lovely boy, but it’s inevitably pretty noisy when they’re here, running around, mess to clean up afterwards etc

I’m honestly speechless. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your little girls. You must be heartbroken. What she did is absolutely vile, selfish and cruel. A mother’s role is to protect their children, which is what you’re doing now. Never see her again. I hope you can work through this and mostly I hope your little girls are ok

She falls asleep whilst "supervising" two 5 year olds? I wouldnt be sending my DD round especially in the pool. Send the child back when youve had enough of him

I don’t like other kids playing at my house as I have OCD and would be petrified that they would break something (my DD is really well behaved and doesn’t generally break anything however some kids are like tornados) maybe it’s something like that? Having kids in my garden wouldn’t bother me but having them inside the house would cause me anxiety, maybe she didn’t mind your daughter playing in the garden in the summer but now it’s winter she doesn’t want her in the house maybe?

This!

I wouldn't be happy with my child going to someone's house where the person supposed to be looking after them sleeps the whole time. Sounds like she's depressed or maybe she has that condition narcolepsy where you constantly fall asleep. But it doesn't sound like she's coping. I would be reporting to social services.

Reporting to social services? Really?

YANBU she is taking the mick

YABU because I wouldn't trust this woman with my 5 year old! Especially with a pool outside and her falling asleep...!

There may be more going on inside the house than you realize. Plenty of good families aren’t really as good as they appear. It can make it very hard for children to bring friends over to play.

When mine were younger we always had a houseful of kids. They always seemed to congregate at ours, never anyone elses.
DS2 is 16 now and I’m still “that parent”
The mug who picks them up when they’ve been out! I know other parents drive and have cars but I’m still the bloody taxi driver!
It winds me up sometimes but at least I know I get my DS home safe!

It’s just that it’s now nearly every weekend late afternoon and now almost 3 hours and the mum often doesn’t collect for ages and says she fell asleep.

Cheeky bitch...!
After 90mins I'd be walking him back and knocking loudly on the door.

If she wasn't a negligent parent:

I'd say I was have happy to continue of she's happy to alternate weekends.

However she sounds negligent sleeping with two children in your care is not a responsibile "nice" parent...

On that basis I'd have him over ONLY when it suited me....

@Mumof2NDers
I'm guessing you also have a bucket load of fun memories of them all being at your house? A few years and your house will be quiet.

That's how I view it. Yes I had other peoples kids to play, but I have a huge bank of memories, the fashion shows in the garden, floating stuff down the river, sledging, plays etc.

I do have a lot of happy memories and hopefully so will my sons.
I’ll also always remember that I always made sure my sons (and their mates)were safe being picked up from places.
Actually some of my funniest times were taking and picking up DS1(23) and his mates to and from parties!😀
One of his friends in particular who has sadly passed away. I have such lovely memories of him drunk and singing in the car at the top of his voice. ❤️

Also spot in about the house being quiet!
Im dreading it 😢. DS1 is 23 now and planning to move out in the next year or so. DS2(16) has applied to join the army. I wanted to keep them at home forever 😀

DD has a lot of friends like that. Parents all happy to have them picked up and dropped off places, daily school pick ups and drop offs, takeaways, sleepovers, days out, even holidays, they break stuff, spill stuff, and leave the house like bomb site.

I've started to resent the hell out of this sort of parent, because they never invite back. It feels like my child is good enough for what she can give and what they can get from us and nothing more.

An invite for tea after school once every 3 months wouldn't be much to them, but it would mean the absolute world to DD.

But it never happens, so I smile, taxi, pay, order in McDonald's, get the good snacks and fuss them to make DD happy.

YANBU though.

Edited because paragraphs got lost.

Do you really want your 5 year old playing in a house where she could be unsupervised while the mother is asleep? I certainly wouldn't. If you don't want her son around so much then that is a different issue, which you can deal with by limiting the playdates, or at least their length.

She can't give two 5 year olds free reign of the house while she's asleep, that's so dangerous!

Honestly it's a blessing she doesn't ask your dd over

So would I. That essentially rules out a two way arrangement so I’d be cutting back the play dates a little tbh and pursuing other options for DD. I know it’s not the little boy’s fault but you shouldn’t have every weekend disrupted by this. I think the suggestion upthread of dropping him back when he does come is a good one though I’d tend to precede this by telling her you will. Something like “DD was wondering if x could pop over FOR AN HOUR or so. If that works for you, I’ll drop him back at 3 as we have things to attend to after that.’ If she picks up that it’s because she falls asleep I think that’s fine : you’ve done your best to be polite. I wouldn’t be sending dd back if the mum is so sleepy.

is she really asleep or is she pretending to avoid having the children at hers, to sleep as much as she says is really unusual