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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate my en-suite

110 replies

youarethroughtothenextround · 22/01/2024 07:53

I'm sure this has been discussed before but ...

In our former house we had a bathroom off the hallway.

We've just moved and now have an en-suite.

I'm hating it.

My husband gets up in the night to use the loo and turns the bathroom light on. I can hear everything too!

Then in the morning, he wakes me again as the light goes back on and I can hear him use the loo, shower, clean his teeth etc.

Why do most people seem to love en-suites as I certainly don't! A bathroom off the hall, outside our bedroom, is much better!!!!!

OP posts:
SerenChocolateMuncher · 22/01/2024 08:32

We use our ensuite bedroom/bathroom as a guest bedroom.

Only my husband and I live in the house, so there are no privacy or sharing issues about using the main bathroom at night, so it makes sense for us.

Also, our bedroom is a nicer room than the one with the ensuite bathroom and I'm not comfortable having a loo in the bedroom.

TM1979 · 22/01/2024 08:33

Opposite problem here. Love our en- suite but hate the main bathroom. Our house is 100 years old and someone thought it would be a good idea to put the bathroom opposite the sitting room. You can hear everything! Saving to rejig but probably never will.

hedgehoglurker · 22/01/2024 08:40

It just sounds like he is inconsiderate and you chose a house with a layout that doesn't work for you. Hopefully you can reconfigure it to suit better.

When my DH used to wake much earlier for work, he crept out of the bedroom with minimal fuss and used the family bathroom rather than the ensuite.

It's simple to find a different option for lighting in the night - a torch, phone, or any other option previously mentioned. I just use my phone if I need the bathroom in the night, and that's for my own comfort as the bright main light would be too startling and delay me getting back to sleep.

I love my ensuite and haven't experienced those issues. Mind you, I no longer have to share it as I have the Master Suite to myself. My husband has his own bedroom (snorer) and shares the other bathrooms with our teenage boys.

As a PP said, we all take care of our own bathrooms, which is much more pleasant for me!

Wannabegreenfingers · 22/01/2024 08:57

I bloody love an en-suite and miss my old one terribly. I hate having to get up in the night and walk downstairs to use the bathroom. When I moved I could only afford a house in my area with a downstairs bathroom. If I'm lucky enough to move again. An en-suite is 100% on my wish list.

I couldn't give a monkeys about hearing a family member go to the toilet. It's a totally normal bodily function. No-one is 'taking a sh*t in the corner of their room'. An en-suite is a room in itself, with a door, and you are using a toilet!!

As others have mentioned, use low level sensor lights and ask him to sit and pee (less noise) and close the door.

Caspianberg · 22/01/2024 09:01

I agree. I don’t understand the love for en-suites. If it’s private to your own room that you don’t share it’s fine, but otherwise it’s just noisy and light disturbance.

Our house has one old en-suite, it’s a tiny impractical thing, and it’s in toddlers room so he only uses it for toilet and teeth. Shower hasn’t been used in years. Eventually we will replace and modernise it for him when he’s older but it will only be himself he disturbs

DappledThings · 22/01/2024 09:03

My husband gets up in the night to use the loo and turns the bathroom light on. I can hear everything too!

Then in the morning, he wakes me again as the light goes back on and I can hear him use the loo, shower, clean his teeth etc.

He just needs to turn the light on less. I never turn the light on for a middle of the night wee. On the one day of the week I get up really early I brush my teeth and get dressed in the dark too. So does DH on his one early day.

It's not about having an en suite, it's about using it considerately. Most of the time we are both up so using it is no problem and nice and easy.

Hadjab · 22/01/2024 09:13

youarethroughtothenextround · 22/01/2024 08:30

To those saying he should use the family bathroom etc. I totally agree and I'm sure he will start to use it.

But that's my whole point really. Why have en-suites then when you can't use them a lot of the time.

I think we could refigure it so the door is off the hall instead of the bedroom.

Well, he can use it, you just don’t want him to…

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/01/2024 09:17

En suites are awesome when you have guests, and when you are ill, for convenience /privacy. Not that great the rest of the time imo. We have a main bathroom on the same floor and use that at night/first thing in the morning. I’d tell him ask him to use one on another floor, much more civilised.

WeRateSquirrels · 22/01/2024 09:21

I love mine but that's because it's mine and nobody else is allowed to use it - would not be keen if I had to share with DH. Never get up to the loo in night though.

Jovacknockowitch · 22/01/2024 09:21

does he have mobility issues? If so a townhouse may not be the right choice

Classic MN - move house!

Alwaysalwayscold · 22/01/2024 09:24

Get a smaller light on the wall so he doesn't have to turn on the 'big light'.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 22/01/2024 09:24

He needs to be quiter in the night, not use the flush (if he is doing a no.2 he needs to use the main bathroom).

An ensuite is only an issue if you get up at different times. We get up at the same time so it is great for us.

BarrelOfOtters · 22/01/2024 09:25

Old house, loved it, couldn’t understand why people didn’t like them. It was a large room, solid door, other side of room. All good.

new house, I can hear bloody everything when dh in there. And it’s so small only one person at a time so no use in morning if both need to brush teeth, and it gets terrible condensation….

we have not resolved the row over not using at night in 4 years.

Moganthemog · 22/01/2024 09:27

I agree..I find them a strange idea..I dont want a toilet in my bedroom

Futb0l · 22/01/2024 09:27

Unless the ensuite is the only bathroom i do not really understand the problem

I LOVE my ensuite

Hooplahooping · 22/01/2024 09:27

Definitely a reconfigure! If you’re just opening up a new door + not moving plumbing or electrics round it will probably be less than £1000. Cheaper than a divorce 😆

We have an ensuite bathroom in our self build - but the loo is behind another door within it a) so one can shower while the other is using the loo and b) to prevent rage inducing midnight loo noise.

Depending on your layout / if it’s a biggish en-suite space - could you add an extra door to just the loo? Leave the shower + sink outside it?

Gobolina · 22/01/2024 09:28

I find the obsession with en-suites nowadays a bit ridiculous. Its all well and good if you are in a house that is big enough to actually warrant one, but a member of my extended family has a new-build two up, two down.

It has a toilet downstairs, then you go upstairs and there is a bedroom on the left and right. Opposite is the main bathroom. Just inside the door of the bigger bedroom, is an en-suite. Right next to the bathroom.

Now this house has no storage, is very small (actually, it isn't even a two up, two down as it only has one room, a kitchen and toilet downstairs) and you'd literally only need to walk 2 more steps to get to the main bathroom.

I'd rather have a bigger bedroom or a very large storage area in there than an unnecessary bathroom.

EvilElsa · 22/01/2024 09:29

We had one in our last house and I hated it too. Would much rather it had been cupboard space or additional room space. We don't have one now.

SwordToFlamethrower · 22/01/2024 09:34

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 22/01/2024 08:04

I’d love an en-suite. We don’t even have an upstairs bathroom in our house. I can’t just pop to the toilet in the night without going downstairs which wakes the dog up and sets him off barking which then wakes the baby up which then wakes the whole house. An en-suite would be great as any noise would be contained to the bedroom.

Try your hand at a good old bed pan, empty it in the morning. I would, in your situation

HalloumiGeller · 22/01/2024 09:39

Does he NEED to turn the light on everytime he gets up? I avoid it as I know the layout of my bathroom, I don't need a light on lol. As for flushing, only if its a number 2, numbers 1s can wait until morning 😂

madeinmanc · 22/01/2024 09:48

regenerate · 22/01/2024 08:30

so he gets up every night to use the loo

do you never?
i am up twice a night since hitting my forties!

I don't want to worry you but I don't think this is the norm. Might be worth checking it out with a doctor for something like diabetes unless you already have done.

As for en suites, I can't understand how people are happy to flood the place they sleep with faecal particles 🤮

CactusMactus · 22/01/2024 09:51

You can get those low level motion sensor lights - so he is not turning on a bright light but also won't fall over in the dark. Then maybe you won't wake up and hear him pee....

diddl · 22/01/2024 09:52

Tbh I wouldn't be going to another floor to the toilet in the night unless I was ill!

We don't have an ensuite but our bedroom is light enough to navigate at night, the bathroom is nearby & we have those plug in lights so no need to turn a light on.

CatMadam · 22/01/2024 09:56

frostyfeet · 22/01/2024 08:31

En suites are disgusting - taking a shit in a corner of your bedroom? Nice!

En suites usually have walls and a door, I think you’re thinking of chamber pots :)

Smartiepants79 · 22/01/2024 10:03

But it’s not the corner of the room is it? It’s a separate room with a door.
Also I presume he’s doing his business in the actual, flushing toilet. Not the floor.
There is nothing dirty or disgusting about an en suite toilet.
being woken in the middle of the night on a regular basis would annoy me though. Not sure I’d sleep through someone leaving the room to use the other toilet either.