Do men really do this?

[pinkiepie87]

I recently went on a date (we didn't have sex) I really liked him, we got talking about how long we've been single etc

He told me today that he's had sex with a few women recently, he didn't fancy any of them - in fact he found them unattractive. He was drunk but even when drunk didn't fancy them.

I asked him how on earth did he get hard, stay hard to "perform" and finish if he didn't like them? Also he said he gave them foreplay so why would he touch someone's body he didn't like? He said he didn't really like their bodies either...

Anyway he said all men do this for different reasons,

Now I want to give up dating.

AIBU?

To be fair OP you seemed to be prolonging the conversation on the date when you should have shut it down

These are not first date topics and you (and he) should both have known that, you don’t need to know the ins and outs of this man’s liaisons with other women and he should have kept it to himself…. Way too much information

This man is a stranger to you, why do you need to know this

It's a matter of degree, isn't it? Some men and women will have sex with people they actively find unattractive, just in order to get sex. Then others will have "low standards" - they will need some small degree of attraction to the person but not much. Still others will only want sex if they find the other person incredibly sexually attractive ....

I'm a woman and I have slept with people I didn't find massively physically attractive before, for a range of reasons. Sometimes because I just really wanted sex; sometimes because they seemed like a hide person and I thought attraction might grow over time; sometimes when drunk; sometimes out of boredom/politeness..... (I admit I have made some terrible choices!)

For all we know, the women who were shagging OP's date may have felt just the same about him.....

I do think it is strange of him to tell OP about it, but then it depends how it came up. My husband has admitted similar things to me, but only after I have quizzed him about it (he's dated a range of people of diverse ages/sizes/appearance). He reckons he"s not that bothered about looks, more attracted by personality and attitude - and indeed that is born out by a quick perusal of some of the people he has slept with!

I don't think it makes him the devil......

Oooh do tell, what are the 'acceptable' first date topics in the great magical and universally accepted rule book that everyone must obey?

Did he say he didn't want to sleep with her? Thats quite different to not finding her attractive and just wanting a shag. I understand men having sex with women they don't fancy - it is the any hole's a goal mentality. But doing it against his own will is a bit weird.

Well now you know you’ll be shagged, dumped and slagged off to the next woman I hope you jump ship beforehand.

He didn't do it because he was drunk. He did it because he could. It's hardly out of the ordinary for men to shag someone they don't particularly fancy.

Men don’t necessarily have to like or be attracted to a woman in order to have sex with her, if it’s just sex they want. OTOH many men are genuinely attracted to women who could be considered conventionally unattractive.
Women tend to be rather clueless about the nature of mens’ sexuality, which can lead to lots of problems.

He also said no man at all, ever wants children and they only do it for a compromise to stay with the woman they want.

I agree that there are far more men who are ambivalent about having children than women want to believe.

You only need to read the number of threads on mumsnet from women whose partners show no interest in their children or who still behave like single men and go out when they want and stay out all night etc.

I've slept with people I don't particularly find attractive. As long as they have a good Penis it's all good. I keep my eyes closed as standard so it doesn't change anything when you are doing it! Works out well when you just want a friend with benefits. Prevents feelings!

You are aware that some men sometimes just want a fuck? The same as some women.

@Superlambaanana

In my opinion having conversations with complete strangers ( which most first dates are) about the ins and outs of your / their sex lives is a no no for a reason……..The date sounded like a disaster, so much so that OP had to go on MN and write a post about it…..but then again all women are different and you probably think that having discussions like this would make for a good first date judging by your comment?

He’s telling you who he is, what he thinks of women, and how you should expect to be treated by him. Please tell us you’ve blocked his texts too and will have nothing more to do with him. You deserve better.

I'll agree that masturbation and sex are very different, but I don't really see why it follows that that means that you have to fancy someone to have sex with them? I

Well, your comment read as though as you were comparing having sex with someone you don't find attractive with using your hand, when you said: Its not like I particularly fancy my right hand either, but it gets the job done.

My point was that they're not comparable at all.

@Bobbotgegrinch

I had this conversation many years ago with a boyfriend. His comment was "you don't need to look at the mantlepiece when you're stoking the fire". Lovely!

He was drunk. They might have used him.

Any port in a storm

Your not shagging the face etc.

as pp has stated men view sex differently its animalistic with men

They are if you consider the entire purpose being to derive physical pleasure. You don’t have to fancy someone to get that from sex with them.

Like some women (ages 17-40s)according to another thread- enjoy going to hen parties, getting pissed, being blindfolded and feeling up the bodies of hired naked men (who are acting as butlers), looking for a plaster that has been stuck somewhere on their anatomy. Just for a 'bit of comedic fun' apparently. People have very strange sexual mores it seems.

When I was younger and single I sometimes had sex with people I didn’t really fancy. Not sure why? Bit drunk, to make someone else jealous, peer pressure from friends, bit desperate, people constantly telling me I’m too fussy so I would lower my standards. I certainly didn’t find them repulsive, but yeah some might have been a bit fat, dodgy teeth. I also slept with very good looking people. I don’t think that it’s particularly weird, not everyone is marriage material, sometimes you just want a shag.

What is weird is that he told you this.

I think it’s very weird that he discussed this with you on a date!

But I’m not surprised at this at all.

I know many men (and a few women) who will have sex, just to have sex.

I actually ended a new relationship after I found out who he’d had sex with.
It was literally anyone and he’d go to sex clubs and have sex with multiple women, many of which were 30 years older and extremely unattractive.

Someone having sex with just anything really gives me the ick.

It’s one reason why I’d never have sex after the first date or 2, because many men are on the dating sites just for sex and then will ghost you afterwards.

DH had sex with someone we both vaguely knew a couple of months before we got together, despite disliking her. I asked why, and he and his best friend both said "better than wanking".

They are if you consider the entire purpose being to derive physical pleasure. You don’t have to fancy someone to get that from sex with them.

See, I do. Someone who I didn't remotely fancy trying to physically arouse me would do nothing for me at all, my body would simply shut down. For me physical attraction and sexual arousal are so intertwined I cannot fathom being aroused by someone who didn't physically appeal to me.

It's no surprise. Some men just use a women's body to masturbate on. They might even find it a weird turn on that they don't fancy them. Honestly, I've heard of men having sex with melons, animals, you name it.

And that didn't put you off?

OP it's interesting what gets said when men are being honest. I don't date btw.