Do men really do this?

[pinkiepie87]

I recently went on a date (we didn't have sex) I really liked him, we got talking about how long we've been single etc

He told me today that he's had sex with a few women recently, he didn't fancy any of them - in fact he found them unattractive. He was drunk but even when drunk didn't fancy them.

I asked him how on earth did he get hard, stay hard to "perform" and finish if he didn't like them? Also he said he gave them foreplay so why would he touch someone's body he didn't like? He said he didn't really like their bodies either...

Anyway he said all men do this for different reasons,

Now I want to give up dating.

AIBU?

Are you a man?

Why did you allow him to continue talking to you about this?

He's bitching about other women to you? To what end?

He's gross and I hope you've blocked and deleted him.

He sounds like an idiot thinking he is boasting when in reality he sounds like a pathetic sad sack.

Sex is sex for most men, how is this new information to you? Are you very young? No point asking women ask men, my ex told me he slept with women he didn’t fancy or find attractive as he was horny, most men will.

Maybe he was just so horny that it didn’t matter.
I don’t know.

I’m not sure why you are spending this much time thinking about it, tbh.

And you know, there are plenty of women out there married to ugly men, I’m assuming they have a sexlife, so it’s not that unusual.

When I was on Reddit plenty of men said ”a hole is a hole, is a hole”.
Not sure how many men think like that, I’ve found men to be very shallow actually and won’t go after the less pretty, nevermind the ugly one’s (don’t ask me to tell how I know, well I will, I’m the ugly woman and men avoid me like the plague).

Maybe he actually did find them attractive - or at least not so hideous, but is shamed of it and that’s why he wanted to bring it up.
Who knows.

You’re not going to see him again, are you?

It's just shocking to me he'd admit it. I think I must be quite naive, i assumed he had to like what he sees to get hard... men are visual right? I've blocked him on WhatsApp and he then text asking why lol.

There was another thread about this recently, I'll see if I can find it.

But to answer your question, I'm male and I've had sex with a few people I didn't find attractive over the years.

Just because you don't find someone attractive it doesn't mean sex with them can't still be fun. Sex doesn't have to be about a deep connection or desperately fancying someone, it can just be about two people wanted to spend a couple of hours doing something enjoyable at the end of the night.

Physical stimulation is plenty to get an erection, you don't necessarily need to find your partner attractive. Its not like I particularly fancy my right hand either, but it gets the job done.

And I'm not sure why I wouldn't want to touch them either, as long as they don't smell, and have had a wash, one human body is much like another!

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to, but a one night stand where both parties are after a shag, what's the problem. Some of the best sex I've ever had was with someone I didn't really fancy.

Any man who would start saying something like that on a first date is clearly quite damaged

Don't let him put you off dating, he was clearly a bad one

If men are behaving like this (sleeping with women they don’t find attractive) it is the height of stupidity to start admitting it to other women they are on dates with ……bizarre!

@pinkiepie87

you have to accept the fact that some men/women use others for sex and it just be sex. From when I was younger there was men friends with my ex who used to just go and sleep with who ever they could find it happens.

Ever heard of pull a pig? Men can be vile 😏 yeah yeah not all men 🙄

It must be a male thing? As a woman I couldn't sleep with a man I didn't find physically attractive, absolutely no way.

Bobbos’s comment actually reminded me of something.

I’ve read men say that the men think or hope that ’less attractive’ women are more willing to please, so maybe he thought they are ’easier’ or more willing to do ’kinks’ or it’s easier for him to degrade those women…

Its not like I particularly fancy my right hand either, but it gets the job done.

This makes no sense to me. Masturbation is surely an entirely different matter because it's solo. Inviting another person to be naked and intimate with you surely requires some level of physical attraction at the sight of them?

When you say you really liked him, do you mean before you found this out about him? Or did you still like him after?

This.

I think a lot of people use other’s for sex.
Or validation.
Many use them to have a full relationship, just because they are afraid to be alone.
Or to have children.

I

The saying round these parts - any crack on a plate.

As in, he would even shag a crack on a plate if he got his end away. Some men are horrible.

Not a healthy attitude. No respect. I would not see this Romeo again.

I think everyone here is conflating desire with respect. Men can get hard, have sex and get off because they find a woman's touch, body, vagina etc arousing. They may not fancy the woman in the way women understand 'fancying' ie as a way to determine if you want to be intimate and/ or spend more time with the person.

What he was really saying was that he considers himself 'better' than these women who were 'beneath' him in his opinion in terms of looks. They were therefore not deserving of respect and were just objects to him to be used, discarded and later derided. So it's not that he didn't fancy sex with them at the time, but he felt he lowered himself. It actually suggests he has serious issues with his own self worth. And is also probably a misogynist though he may not realise it. I wonder if he follows Andrew Tate!

Hmmmmmm. A lot of men are up for no strings attached sex (plenty of women are too). I wouldn’t give up dating because of it. You don’t have to corrode your own boundaries to stay in the game so to speak. If anything, my understanding is men enjoy the thrill of the chase, so your approach should give you time to properly vet your dates and see if you’re interested in them sexually.

What a weird man!

Some men d that, yes. Some men don't.

Do you think the young woman with the very old rich guy finds him very attractive physically?

OP I think the replies you’re getting on here are very strange, and far too black and white. People seem to be saying that any man who has sex without a meaningful respectful emotional connection is scum.

In reality, I’m certain that most men have/would have sex with someone they didn’t find particularly attractive or mentally appealing, if it was their only chance of sex for a while.

And actually, I think a lot of women have done it too, perhaps for slightly different reasons. I’ve definitely dated men I wasn’t sure about, thought I’d see how it went, hoped I’d get to like/fancy them more, had sex with them, gone on dates, then realised that they weren’t the one for me.

Yes, I've heard some men say that too. It's not something I've ever thought, because I don't have the emotional maturity of an 8 year old. Besides, I didn't say that the women I slept with weren't attractive, but that I wasn't attracted to them. I'm pretty sure they were all attractive to someone, people find different qualities attractive in different people.

@edissa I'll agree that masturbation and sex are very different, but I don't really see why it follows that that means that you have to fancy someone to have sex with them? If someone grabs my genitals (obviously with consent) with the promise that they're going to make them feel good, that's generally going to cause a state of arousal. Just as the idea that you're going to cause someone else pleasure can be exciting. Sex can just be fun, it doesn't have to mean something.

All of the above said, I'd never actually tell someone I was having sex with that I didn't find them attractive, that'd be rude as fuck!. And I think someone who actually brings this topic up on a first date is probably a wrong'un, and is trying to "neg" the other person

It’s a headfuck. See the way you’re posting about this? That’s the name of the game. He’s hoping you’re sufficiently insecure to join in and seek validation and talking about women he doesn’t find attractive but is still potent enough to fuck will bring any ‘pick me’ tendencies to the fore. He tried, bless him 🥱

I think it's just so weird to discuss. The way he made it sound was that he got hard before he was even touched, but not because of the woman? He didn't like her body or her face and didn't want to sleep with her. But he did anyway because he was drunk? What nonsense is this lol. I just don't understand the mechanics of it!