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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the arsehole here ???

100 replies

Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:14

So I’ve been feeling really under the weather this week just head cold symptoms and bit of a tickley cough well I have dd 4 years and a ds 9 months ds still isn’t sleeping threw the night and is having me up every 4 hours well because I’m feeling so bunged up and have a annoying cough it is taking me ages to get back to sleep after doing ds bottle so for context dh works long hours often up at 4 and sometimes not home until 7 other times home nice and early say 2 ish well yesterday we both got up about 7:30 am with dc although I did say he could stay in bed but he declined well last night I was up with ds but felt so poorly really struggled to wake up with dc this morning so dh got up at 7am with them well when I got up at 9am dh is in a right mood saying I’m out of order for letting him get up as he has to get up for work at 4am threw the week and deserves a lay in as I get to have a nap some days with ds while dd is at school dh never does any night feeds ever and I explained I’m not feeling well normally I do give him a lay in now he is stroping around like a child am I the arsehole here ???

OP posts:
regenerate · 21/01/2024 10:15

confused

so you both got up today at 9?

Original poster
Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:16

regenerate · 21/01/2024 10:15

confused

so you both got up today at 9?

No sorry he was up at 7 today with dc I got up at 9

OP posts:
Froniga · 21/01/2024 10:21

So he injects to getting up for his child!!
Just tell him you’re going out and he can take care of both of HIS children. Back when you’re back.
it takes 2 to make a baby and 2 should share the care!

Froniga · 21/01/2024 10:21

Not “injects” objects

regenerate · 21/01/2024 10:25

So yesterday 7.30
Today 7
and then tomorrow he’s up at 4am and for the rest week

i think i would have made sure he had one lie in this weekend even if i felt poorly

Original poster
Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:30

Froniga · 21/01/2024 10:21

So he injects to getting up for his child!!
Just tell him you’re going out and he can take care of both of HIS children. Back when you’re back.
it takes 2 to make a baby and 2 should share the care!

I would if I generally didn’t feel so poorly just want to sleep if I’m honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:32

regenerate · 21/01/2024 10:25

So yesterday 7.30
Today 7
and then tomorrow he’s up at 4am and for the rest week

i think i would have made sure he had one lie in this weekend even if i felt poorly

I did tell him to stay in bed yesterday but he chose to get up I normally do give him a lay in but I’ve had maybe 12 hours sleep in the last 4 days and was just feeling so exhausted this morning my eyes are literally burning

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2024 10:32

You don't LET him get up, he's not 6. Is he didn't feel able to get up at 7 he should have said something at 7.

Point out he can go to bed at 8 pm.

And go and have a nap

Aylestone · 21/01/2024 10:37

regenerate · 21/01/2024 10:25

So yesterday 7.30
Today 7
and then tomorrow he’s up at 4am and for the rest week

i think i would have made sure he had one lie in this weekend even if i felt poorly

Did you miss the bit where the op said yesterday was his turn to have a lie in but he chose to get up? If he’s tired today then he can just have an early night then can’t he? I mean considering the op does every single night shift and he doesn’t even do a single night feed, ever…

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 21/01/2024 10:40

That was a very long sentence.

spicedlemonpie · 21/01/2024 10:46

You sound controlling.
I wonder if he was ill would you let him sleep even tho he has to get up everyday at 4am.

Aylestone · 21/01/2024 10:46

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 21/01/2024 10:40

That was a very long sentence.

No advice? Just a dig at someone’s grammar after they’ve tried to write a quick post whilst feeling very poorly, and barely having any sleep since last Wednesday?

Original poster
Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:52

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 21/01/2024 10:40

That was a very long sentence.

Feel free to copy paste edit my punctuation and I’ll re post

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:53

spicedlemonpie · 21/01/2024 10:46

You sound controlling.
I wonder if he was ill would you let him sleep even tho he has to get up everyday at 4am.

Edited

I don’t understand what you have just said how do I sound controlling I’m confused ?

OP posts:
MyOodieIsAGoooodie · 21/01/2024 10:53

YABU for punctuation (everywhere you type 'well' you need to put a full stop).

YANBU for having the lie in. Your DH is being a baby. Hope you feel better.

Theunamedcat · 21/01/2024 10:55

spicedlemonpie · 21/01/2024 10:46

You sound controlling.
I wonder if he was ill would you let him sleep even tho he has to get up everyday at 4am.

Edited

He had the opportunity to lie in yesterday he chose not to how is that being controlled

Theunamedcat · 21/01/2024 10:57

OP you will be no use to anyone if you collapse remember your airplane rules parents put on your oxygen masks first then help your children your no use to them dead

NeptunaOfTheMermaidBattleSquadron · 21/01/2024 10:57

YANBU.

There's nothing stopping him having a nap later in the day today, since he seems to think that having a nap during the day solves it for you.

What's good for the goose and all that.

Original poster
Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:59

spicedlemonpie · 21/01/2024 10:46

You sound controlling.
I wonder if he was ill would you let him sleep even tho he has to get up everyday at 4am.

Edited

Also he was poorly before Christmas.. I didn’t expect him to get up at all just left him to recover.

OP posts:
MyOodieIsAGoooodie · 21/01/2024 10:59

Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:52

Feel free to copy paste edit my punctuation and I’ll re post

Show quote history

I'm not an expert at writing OP, but as you asked I've just tweaked this a smidge to make it easier for people to read. I hope that's okay. I resisted adding 'Hint: OP's DH is a bellend!' on the end! x

I’ve been feeling really under the weather this week just head cold symptoms and bit of a tickley cough. I have dd 4 years and a ds 9 months. DS still isn’t sleeping through the night and is having me up every 4 hours. Because I’m feeling so bunged up and have an annoying cough it is taking me ages to get back to sleep after doing ds's bottle. For context, DH works long hours, often up at 4 and sometimes not home until 7, other times home nice and early say 2 ish. Yesterday we both got up about 7:30 am with dc, although I did say he could stay in bed but he declined. Last night I was up with ds but felt so poorly and I really struggled to wake up with dc this morning so dh got up at 7am with them. When I got up at 9am DH is in a right mood saying I’m out of order for letting him get up as he has to get up for work at 4am through the week and deserves a lie in as I get to have a nap some days with ds while dd is at school. DH never does any night feeds ever, and I explained I’m not feeling well. Normally I do give him a lay in and now he is stropping around like a child! Am I the arsehole here???

NeptunaOfTheMermaidBattleSquadron · 21/01/2024 11:00

Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:59

Also he was poorly before Christmas.. I didn’t expect him to get up at all just left him to recover.

Show quote history

Look this comment has clearly got to you as you've replied to it twice, but just ignore posters who say nonsensical rubbish like that and focus on the ones with useful, helpful advice. That's generally people saying YANBU or YABU with a reasonable explanation for why they think that.

Original poster
Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 11:02

MyOodieIsAGoooodie · 21/01/2024 10:59

I'm not an expert at writing OP, but as you asked I've just tweaked this a smidge to make it easier for people to read. I hope that's okay. I resisted adding 'Hint: OP's DH is a bellend!' on the end! x

I’ve been feeling really under the weather this week just head cold symptoms and bit of a tickley cough. I have dd 4 years and a ds 9 months. DS still isn’t sleeping through the night and is having me up every 4 hours. Because I’m feeling so bunged up and have an annoying cough it is taking me ages to get back to sleep after doing ds's bottle. For context, DH works long hours, often up at 4 and sometimes not home until 7, other times home nice and early say 2 ish. Yesterday we both got up about 7:30 am with dc, although I did say he could stay in bed but he declined. Last night I was up with ds but felt so poorly and I really struggled to wake up with dc this morning so dh got up at 7am with them. When I got up at 9am DH is in a right mood saying I’m out of order for letting him get up as he has to get up for work at 4am through the week and deserves a lie in as I get to have a nap some days with ds while dd is at school. DH never does any night feeds ever, and I explained I’m not feeling well. Normally I do give him a lay in and now he is stropping around like a child! Am I the arsehole here???

Show quote history

Ngl i feel so rough and fed up but this genuinely made me laugh ! Punctuation isn’t my strong point 🫣

OP posts:
Bogofftosomewherehot · 21/01/2024 11:06

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 21/01/2024 10:40

That was a very long sentence.

Wherever she writes "well" just insert a full-stop. That's what I did and it makes it easier to read.

spicedlemonpie · 21/01/2024 11:07

The word poorly gives me the cringe sorry.
Just say ill or unwell.

Nanny0gg · 21/01/2024 11:09

spicedlemonpie · 21/01/2024 10:46

You sound controlling.
I wonder if he was ill would you let him sleep even tho he has to get up everyday at 4am.

Edited

That bloody word!

She didn't force him to get up!

She 'told' him to stay in bed (how very dare she!) and he refused.

Now he's being an arse about it