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AIBU?

Am I the arsehole here ???

100 replies

Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 10:14

So I’ve been feeling really under the weather this week just head cold symptoms and bit of a tickley cough well I have dd 4 years and a ds 9 months ds still isn’t sleeping threw the night and is having me up every 4 hours well because I’m feeling so bunged up and have a annoying cough it is taking me ages to get back to sleep after doing ds bottle so for context dh works long hours often up at 4 and sometimes not home until 7 other times home nice and early say 2 ish well yesterday we both got up about 7:30 am with dc although I did say he could stay in bed but he declined well last night I was up with ds but felt so poorly really struggled to wake up with dc this morning so dh got up at 7am with them well when I got up at 9am dh is in a right mood saying I’m out of order for letting him get up as he has to get up for work at 4am threw the week and deserves a lay in as I get to have a nap some days with ds while dd is at school dh never does any night feeds ever and I explained I’m not feeling well normally I do give him a lay in now he is stroping around like a child am I the arsehole here ???

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

219 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
21%
You are NOT being unreasonable
79%
Nicole1111 · 21/01/2024 12:32

I think the real question here is why your husband has zero work life balance. I can’t imagine that’s helpful for either of you.

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Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 12:33

Mrsttcno1 · 21/01/2024 12:28

I think for me it depends on the situation with the “lie ins”, yes if he is getting up at 4am mid week then if it was me I would make sure he’s able to have a lie in on a weekend. But at least in our house it needs to be clear in advance who’s “lie in” it is that day because for me if it’s my “turn” for a lie in and DH waits until I’m also awake and then goes “ah you can stay in bed”, I’d be irritated, if it’s my turn for a lie in then that means he gets up straight away so he doesn’t wake me and goes to sort the dogs out etc. At the point I’ve also been awake at half 7 and he says I can stay in bed, that’s not my lie in, I’m awake.

Yes that’s dh idea of my lie in most times! He waits until I’m awake before he gets up with baby, claiming he don’t hear him. Also leaves bedroom door open so my 4yo can run in and out. Most times I don’t bother.

OP posts:
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Bigearringsbigsmile · 21/01/2024 12:33

Tinkerbyebye · 21/01/2024 11:39

I don’t understand your very long one sentence post.

Perhaps have a think about doing some night school classes maybe? Or find a website aimed at primary children where you can practise reading comprehension?

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spicedlemonpie · 21/01/2024 12:38

pictoosh · 21/01/2024 12:06

Why have you posted this? No one cares.
And an instruction too.

Poorly, poorly, poorly, poorly, poorly.

😆you feeling okay.

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Emeraldrings · 21/01/2024 12:39

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 21/01/2024 11:13

If you're going to communicate with people then you need to make sure that they understand you, which is why all the punctuation and other rules developed in the first place. I couldn't work out what on earth was going on in that OP.

How could you not understand the OP? Ir wasn't difficult.
YANBU. He chose to get up yesterday and if he normally gets up at 4 then 7 is a lie in. Tell him to grow up and stop being so pathetic.

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Mrsttcno1 · 21/01/2024 12:41

Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 12:33

Yes that’s dh idea of my lie in most times! He waits until I’m awake before he gets up with baby, claiming he don’t hear him. Also leaves bedroom door open so my 4yo can run in and out. Most times I don’t bother.

I honestly think this is just one of those shit situations, nobody is necessarily in the wrong, it’s just all round shit. He is tired because he is getting up at 4am for work, I can see why he thinks he should have had the lie in, you are unwell, so I can see why you think you deserved the lie in. Competing for who is the most tired is where madness lies, if you can, I would have a chat and just try and move past this. You’re both tired, you both probably deserved a few extra hours in bed this morning, but nobody can turn back the clock now

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Nonomono · 21/01/2024 12:41

pictoosh · 21/01/2024 12:26

I hate it when posters tell other posters what words to use or worse, insult them because of the use of a word.

I remember all the baying over 'hubby'. So many jumped on the bandwagon even though it's a commonly used term...and some poor posters were ripped apart and accused of all sorts of character defects for using it.
Like bitchy Borg.

It was pretty pathetic.

I agree!

Especially when OP has said she’s feeling poorly, exhausted, stressed out and has a DH making her feel bad and in a bad mood.

I swear some posters just come on here to nitpick and try and make the OPs feel even worse.

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pictoosh · 21/01/2024 12:54

"you feeling okay."

No, I'm poorly.

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cerisepanther73 · 21/01/2024 12:54

@Worriedmumma92

You could even take in turns with friends or and family to help each other emotionally and practically take in turns in other ways too,
so you both as a husband and wife team get the support you desperately need,
whilst whoever you are helping out,
gets support aswell,

You and your husband could either babysit or help them out in some other practical way,
could be helping to cut ✂️ their garden or help them to do a bit, some shopping ect,

If you can afford it could you have proffessional cleaner or have your used laundry taking to the laundrette occasionally when you are ill?,🤒
you can order and pay the weekly food shop online,
make things easier,
so when especially you have an off 🤔 day not feeling well or the weather is exceptionally difficult say icy weather,

you have extra food supplies in the house so not to rush out and get stuff,

Just forward thinking practical stuff

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Clarabell77 · 21/01/2024 12:59

Someone needs to get a life 😂

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EnjoyingTheSilence · 21/01/2024 13:07

Some people need to give their heads a wobble. An exhausted, ill mum of 2 kids, one of which is a baby who wakes frequently, is having a rant about her unreasonable husband and all you can come up with is comments on her spelling and grammer?! What happened to being supportive?

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DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 21/01/2024 13:18

Unfortunately for your husband, on this occasion, your extra sleep has trumped his.
In your situation I would acknowledge his tiredness, suggest a nap/early night and just get on with your day.
Going forward I think now is a great time to teach your 4 year old that if your door is shut they should knock.
So get the door shut when it's your turn to lie in. You could use the time ( if you don't get back to sleep) to catch up with a TV show/book/knitting/learning etc.
Hope you're feeling better soon 🤧🌺

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Jf20 · 21/01/2024 13:20

Well, this escalated..

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cerisepanther73 · 21/01/2024 13:21

I too find it puzzling and quite weird that some posters 🤔 on here on this mumsnet thread,

that when someone is exhausted emotionally as much as @Worriedmumma92 Is

that it's possibly to have a lapse in concentration focus typing out a munsnet thread like this with hardly any or much sleep,
Hence lack of grammars in the right spaces..

It's not difficult to understand that

L.o.l
Some poster's are acting as if it's rocket 🚀 science 🙄 or something,

I think the ones pointing this out to her that they can't understand her mumsnet post are just too slow stupid or the more woke way of putting it ,
difficulty challenged to think kind of people

I found it easy to read,

no problem whatsoever,

I just think some people don't have much going on in their lives and need to be judgemental of other people to make their small world more interesting and of course to get a reaction..

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hellsBells246 · 21/01/2024 13:45

You do all the night feeds and you're feeling ill.

I think it's fine for you to have a lie-in today. Your h will live

But it's not fine for him to be sulking over looking after his own Dc. What a tit.

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hellsBells246 · 21/01/2024 13:52

@Pocketfullofdogtreats - It wasn't the grammar, or even the spelling, it was the total lack of punctuation. In my job (copy-editing) I see people arguing over the placement of a single comma, so this is the other end of the scale.

You're a copyeditor? I hope you deal with your clients with a bit more tact and consideration than you have shown here.

How embarrassing.

It's perfectly easy to understand the OP's post. Don't be a dick.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/01/2024 13:54

You clearly have the greater need for sleep in this situation- your being ill plus the night feeds trump his 4 am starts in the week.

Plus he can go to bed early or have a nap if tired.

Some men hate it when their partner occasionally has needs and theirs might have to take a back seat for once. You aren’t a resource to be worked to the absolute bone. You are a person too.

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hellsBells246 · 21/01/2024 13:54

Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 11:38

Wow!! Some people woke up and chose violence this morning. Thankyou for all the helpful responses!! And for everyone else ridiculing my grammar, i hope you step on Lego ! Not what I needed this morning.

👏👏👏 Quite right! Some people clearly got out of bed the wrong side today...

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cerisepanther73 · 21/01/2024 13:55

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Totally agree with your emotionally insightful post too..

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cerisepanther73 · 21/01/2024 13:58

@Mrsttcno1

Totally nailed it on the head good post too.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/01/2024 13:58

cerisepanther73 · 21/01/2024 13:55

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Totally agree with your emotionally insightful post too..

Thank you!

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muchalover · 21/01/2024 14:00

You're ill. Normal lie-in rules don't apply. They don't apply for lots of reasons which is why they are a treat not a rule.

He needs to grow up and step up, work or not. Jeez how did women let the bar get soooo low?

He is supposed to LOVE you. You had children with him ... recently.

Expect more!

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nutbrownhare15 · 21/01/2024 14:03

Ask him how many hours sleep he has had in the last 4 days. Tell him how much sleep you have had and that it's making you ill and that he should be helping you to catch up so you can feel better.

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Snowdogsmitten · 21/01/2024 14:22

Worriedmumma92 · 21/01/2024 11:52

Piss off! Seriously is your life that sad ?

Think that poster was trying to be on your side, mate.

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Ihateslugs · 21/01/2024 14:42

Totally off subject and I admit I have not read every post, but I just want to make a suggestion on how to deal with a blocked nose.

I use Olbas oil to clear my airways when I have a cold, I put a few drops on a folded tissue and sniff it periodically. It really does help and I often use it through the day as well as at night. Putting some in a bowl of hot water and breathing the steam with towel over the head is brilliant but would wake me up fully if I did that overnight so I just have my tissue under my pillow ready to use.

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