DNA test

[Sunshin80]

Hi all, AIBU to feel upset about this...

Me and partner been together for over 10 years now. 2 children together one is 11 and one is 3. He is asking for a DNA test for the younger one as he has trust issues with anyone he's been with. The main reason that doesn't help with this is the fact the younger one has blonde hair and blue eyes and the older one brown hair brown eyes. Also worth adding he has another child with his ex who also has brown hair and brown eyes. I feel like just because our youngest has broken the mold and come out with more traits on my side he's now questioning it and it's eating him up a little inside. None of us have blue eyes we have brown and green and he has dark hair and I am quite fair. My aunt and uncle both have blue eyes and blonde hair so it's in my side. He also went to see family members and they said to him "who does he look like because he doesn't look like any of us" ( I was fuming at this as I felt it a really uncalled for comment ) my main reason for posting is I just feel really down about the whole thing and it makes me sad for the younger one aswel. He doesn't treat him any different at all and I'm also not bothered about the results as I know full well what they would say 100% no doubt about it. I also have never given him any reason to doubt me i might also add. Just feeling a mixture of emotions really

Where does green eyes fit in

They are recessive too

One or two brown eyed parents might have a green or blue eyed child

two green or blue eyed parents cannot have a brown eyed child

I would be furious because he’s saying that you cheated.I would do the DNA test and break up with him because there’s no coming back from an accusation like that. I bet you’ve spent years reassuring and possibly being accused but it’s clearly been pointless if he thinks that you’re a cheater. If he’s insecure then he shouldn’t be in a long-term relationship because it’s unfair on his partner.

Let's get an actual geneticist in on the "blue eyed parents can't produce brown eyed child" myth: https://udel.edu/~mcdonald/mytheyecolor.html

I have 3 kids and they are blonde with different coloured eyes (blue, green and brown). Their parents are both brown hair so it must be the grandparents’ genes that resulted in their hair colour. Genes do weird things sometimes.

Interesting because I have green eyes as did one of my parents. Other had brown. Dh blue eyes. 5 kids 4 blue eyes 1 brown eyes. All have similar facial features though and all share lots of features with extended family.

Your partner is not at all reasonable. Asking for a DNA test is totally ridiculous, and really disrespectful.

Less than one percent still means there is a chance according to your theory of eye inheritance.

Btw eye colour and hair colour in humans doesn't follow mendelian inheritance.

I would be livid if my partner was asking for a DNA test
We have 5 children and they are all different
i have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes
Dp has Brown hair and green eyes
Ds1 Red curly hair and blue eyes
Ds2 Brown straight hair and light brown eyes
Ds3 Red straight hair and dark brown eyes also looks nothing like Dp
Ds4 Brown curly hair and blue eyes
DD Red curly hair and green eyes
All very different but have the same parents
Genetics is a funny thing

Thanks for all your replies. I do see both sides. Our youngest looks just like me when I was little apart from the blue eyes. There are blue eyes in our family and I'm sure somewhere in his along the line. I think moving forward I will get the DNA test and prove him wrong and just see how things go, this will always be in the back of my mind though and I'll just have to wait and see how I feel about things. I am really hurt about this but I also love the man and don't want to split up our family. Likewise he does need to work through these issues and I certainly won't be proving myself with anything in the future.

In your shoes I would have the test and reconsider the relationship.

Why would it be different? By doing this test you set the tone that he can make unreasonable demands on you and you will jump through the hoops because you love him.

I think you are making the right decision to do the test to put his mind at rest. I hope he is properly contrite and grateful and spends the rest of his life making it up to you x

Get the DNA test, but given that he clearly doesn't trust you, kick him out.

Do the dna test because otherwise he'll feel vindicated and believe he's right. Then I'd seriously consider leaving him

He does not have grounds for concern. OP says she and her husband have green + brown eyes, which gives a quite substantial chance of having a blue eyed child. https://www.allaboutvision.com/eye-care/eye-anatomy/eye-color-genetics/

Unfortunately the old idea that eyes were either brown or blue, and inherited on a single gene in Mendelian fashion, still persists. It was always silly - it never provided an explanation of green or hazel eyes, or variations like greyish blue, very pale blue or very dark blue.

@FictionalCharacter the poster defective claims to be a geneticist with an interest in evolutionary genetics.

Make of that what you will.

If my partner didn't trust me and accused me of cheating then I'd leave. You can't love, respect or even like someone if you don't trust them, so why stay in that kind of relationship? You should go to the relationship board on reddit or just have a look on tiktok, men asking for dna tests randomly is their cowardly way of trying to cause a break up without being the bad guy who broke up their family. Hopefully your partner just thinks you are a cheater and isnt doing the same, but be prepared for him to start picking on something else once you get the dna test done.

He's very insecure, isn't he? I'd have the DNA test and then leave, but I understand that's not what you want to do. You need to maybe have therapy then? Because your relationship is doomed if he doesn't trust you.

My DH has 3 dds, 2 with me and 1 with his ex. DSD and dd2 are the spitting image of each other, if it wasn't for the (14 year) age gap you'd think they were twins. They're also like female clones of DH. Brown hair, green eyes, olive skin. DD1 is blonde-haired, blue-eyed and so white-skinned she's translucent. None look like me. DD1 is the image of my sister and my nephews.

I can't reply to everyone as there have been so many, but wanted to say thank you all for taking the time to reply with your thoughts, much appreciated.. Alot to think about x

My daughter is 37. My H said today he wasn't sure he was her father.
His life just imploded.
I have lost all love & respect for him.
How dare he ?
Ive looked up dna testing, roughly 200€
He will be doing it, (& paying) that way he can choke on his venom forever after.

Meanwhile I will be carrying on my life as if he doesn't exist forthwith.
Livid

My little girl has brown eyes, my husband and I both have blue. Both sets of grandparents are predominantly blue, but my dad's have brown specks in them.
So it does happen, but a lot of people do question it as she looks nothing like her dad except very luckily she has his slim frame.

I'd struggle to come back from this, it is so offensive. If my DH said this, I'd do the DNA test and then consider leaving him.

I have 3 DC, all have blonde hair and blue eyes. Me and DH? Brown hair, brown eyes. I have brown eyes but my parents have blue and green eyes.

All 3 are left handed too actually, no one in our immediate families is left handed, including us their parents.

He/she is still going on about brown being dominant (which is true), but as if eye colour was a single gene inherited in simple Mendelian fashion. It's like a 1970s biology textbook.

I used to work in a research lab which worked on the genetics of a human disease. One thing I learned was: genetics is way, way more complicated than I learned even at degree level. And that's before you throw mutation into the mix.

😂