DNA test

[Sunshin80]

Hi all, AIBU to feel upset about this...

Me and partner been together for over 10 years now. 2 children together one is 11 and one is 3. He is asking for a DNA test for the younger one as he has trust issues with anyone he's been with. The main reason that doesn't help with this is the fact the younger one has blonde hair and blue eyes and the older one brown hair brown eyes. Also worth adding he has another child with his ex who also has brown hair and brown eyes. I feel like just because our youngest has broken the mold and come out with more traits on my side he's now questioning it and it's eating him up a little inside. None of us have blue eyes we have brown and green and he has dark hair and I am quite fair. My aunt and uncle both have blue eyes and blonde hair so it's in my side. He also went to see family members and they said to him "who does he look like because he doesn't look like any of us" ( I was fuming at this as I felt it a really uncalled for comment ) my main reason for posting is I just feel really down about the whole thing and it makes me sad for the younger one aswel. He doesn't treat him any different at all and I'm also not bothered about the results as I know full well what they would say 100% no doubt about it. I also have never given him any reason to doubt me i might also add. Just feeling a mixture of emotions really

Does he fuck! There is zero base for his accusations and especially based on eye or hair colour.

And you may be a slave to your basic biology but some of us have evolved to more intelligent and restrained beings.

I’d get the test to stop the nonsense, but on the proviso that he enters counselling with you or on his own for his trust issues and to work towards stopping his families toxic bullshit impacting your relationship.

I’d explain you think less of him for his insinuations that you’ve had an affair and now see him in a different light and you will have to see how the relationship goes moving forward.

not sure i could be with someone that can’t grasp basic genetics nor trusts me.

You have shown you know SFA about biology but are now talking about evolutionary genetics?

I am a geneticist with a particular interest in evolutionary biology

I was born with light blue eyes and white blonde hair. As a teen my hair was still white blonde but my eyes went navy blue. Now, my hair is darker blonde with very dark eyes. So dark in fact I can’t work out their colour!

@Beezknees That's impossible.

If you go back far enough everyone has African ancestry, I'm not sure if we know the skin colour of the first human beings, happy to be corrected if we do.

And I'm not stupid, I know these tests are more for amusement. Everyone else I know who has done one has a much more varied set of results.

Yes we do know, go back a couple of hundred generations and everyone in the UK and Europe had what we would call black skin, mostly with blue eyes

Can you point me to a reference?

Then why are you implying the OP has cheated?

If my dh was unsure of any of our dc and wanted a DNA test I’d be throwing him back in the water with the other fishes.
My eldest looks like dh, but my youngest looks a carbon copy of me.

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/made-at-ucl/stories/face-cheddar-man-revealed

I am not, I am assuming the DNA test will prove that. I am just saying I understand why the partner wants reassurance

I would do the test but personally I would hand him the results with a note saying “f you for doubting me, I am out of here” .

Men in my family try this nonsense with the expression of recessive genes, they however aren't stupid enough to say their baby or toddler isn't theirs.

At some point one of the child's other blood relations will point out they the same recessive trait that the child had or has though the child maybe a teen by then.

I honestly think that would be a dealbreaker for me.

He’s just accused you of being a liar and a cheat. I couldn’t get past that.

I have mixed views on this.

My initial thought was that I would immediately end the relationship, and would do the DNA test with child maintenance in mind.

But if a child bears absolutely no resemblance to someone it’s not unreasonable to wonder. The number of children who aren’t biologically their fathers’ is high. Between 5-10%. And actually, while people are taking this seriously because we’re talking about a child, these same people would have no qualms in advising an OP to check someone’s phone/have them followed if they believed them to be cheating.

I think it can be hard to think of this from a man’s perspective, because it’s something which can’t happen to a woman.

But as much as people say that it’s naive to think a man would never cheat, it’s also naive to think that a woman wouldn’t have an affair and end up with a child as the product of that affair.

There are clearly trust issues in the relationship, and in truth a child which has no resemblance to their parent is no less of a red flag than a man who spends too much time on his phone.

It'd be a deal breaker for me, too. How you could continue to have a normal marriage with a man who's prepared to toss accusations like that around and then pretend nothing happened I can't imagine. Accusations of cheating are profound questions about the foundation of the relationship.

Indeed. I did DNA via ancestry and it came back with 42% Scandinavian (and a host of others, including 1% Nigerian, 2% East Asian). My heritage is very firmly in Yorkshire, so it made complete sense.

Me and husband also have a blonde and blue eyed boy where as our daughter is quite dark, i did a My heritage ethnicity DNA test for our whole family, Yes the kids were proven to be both his although he never doubted but was also interesting to see where the blonde could have come from and

I don't but then I have some of the recessive genes from my parents, my DD displays them as well, and I know plenty of others who show them.

I would be fucking livid if my dh suggested that one of our dc might not be his, but he wouldn't, it would never even occur to him.

But two blue eyed parents can’t have a brown eyed child because blue is recessive and brown dominant.

Yes if you’re saying you and the father of the child both have blue eyes and the child has brown eyes it’s impossible.

There is in fact a less than 1% chance that two blue eyed parents can have a brown eyed child.

I would consider it almost certain if two blue eyed people ended up with a brown eyed child that the woman had had an affair, and I wouldn’t blame any man for questioning whether the child was his.