DNA test

[Sunshin80]

Hi all, AIBU to feel upset about this...

Me and partner been together for over 10 years now. 2 children together one is 11 and one is 3. He is asking for a DNA test for the younger one as he has trust issues with anyone he's been with. The main reason that doesn't help with this is the fact the younger one has blonde hair and blue eyes and the older one brown hair brown eyes. Also worth adding he has another child with his ex who also has brown hair and brown eyes. I feel like just because our youngest has broken the mold and come out with more traits on my side he's now questioning it and it's eating him up a little inside. None of us have blue eyes we have brown and green and he has dark hair and I am quite fair. My aunt and uncle both have blue eyes and blonde hair so it's in my side. He also went to see family members and they said to him "who does he look like because he doesn't look like any of us" ( I was fuming at this as I felt it a really uncalled for comment ) my main reason for posting is I just feel really down about the whole thing and it makes me sad for the younger one aswel. He doesn't treat him any different at all and I'm also not bothered about the results as I know full well what they would say 100% no doubt about it. I also have never given him any reason to doubt me i might also add. Just feeling a mixture of emotions really

After doing some ancestry my mums great great grandad was black
Here's a very old pic of my mum that I've cropped, brown eyes and very dark olive toned skin, the rest of the family has the same colouring, my cousins, uncle etc

I'm a green eyed redhead with the palest skin ever. But there's no doubt I am my mums!

I would do the DNA test and never forgive him for it. This would poison the relationship for me.

Everybody will have black people somewhere in their family tree, mathematically impossible not to

It's amazing isn't it.

Another thing I find interesting is the mannerisms that get passed down.

My brother and I both rub our feet when we are tired / falling asleep, my dad does it too. At the last family get together I found out one of my cousins does too.

@defective yeah it just interested me because of the (outing) situation that happened around that generation that I found out and it also links in to our family surname which was lovely to find
Also because you get people who are so racist and bang on about their bloodline being 100% white or whatever....

Just say 'youre a funny old thing' and see it as a quirk of his personality and get the test done.

It is a bit odd if there really is noone in his wider family with blue eyes - it could be someone has lied further back in his family... That might contribute to why he is an insecure person

Normally if there's not any obvious appearance resemblance to a parent or grandparent there is something else eg likes the same food or sport or personality wise eg very laid back or obsessively tidy or tendency to same illnesses

This. Perhaps ‘serious exploring’ rather than or in addition to ‘serious groveling’

This.

I would be beyond furious. I'd do DNA tests on all of you to make a point.

I'd do the DNA test 100% I wouldn't allow any question over my childrens parentage.

But I'd also hand him divorce papers at the same time. There would never be any coming back from this for me.

Accusing his wife of cheating is a "quirk of his personality"?

I'd do the dna test for both kids, prove they are his and then leave him ensuring I had a good lawyer to take him to the fucking cleaners!! I could never be someone who didn't trust me!!

I'd be thinking similar. I'd do the test so he could see how baseless his accusations were, but it would also be the end of our relationship, it isn't something I would be able to get over.

When my aunt was looking into our family tree we were quite disappointed that we seem to be white going back forever.

I did an ancestry DNA and my gene pool is two bits of Yorkshire and 2 bits of Ireland with less than 1% Iberian.

I seriously have the most boring genetics / ancestry.

This. With bells on.

Taking it from a basic genetic level blond hair and blue eyes are both recessive genes. ( there are some other expression factors in place but not relevant here).
This means that you can carry a recessive gene for hundreds of generations and not see it untill you procreate with someone else with that has the recessive gene. So there may not be many in his family with those traits but that doesn't mean his family aren't carriers. A single blond cousin would indicate his family cary the blonde gene.

I would be extremely offended over this and couldn’t see me having any future with my DH if he made such a request.

I would get the dna test done

then I would present him with divorce papers as he obviously has no trust in me and that’s no way to have a marriage

Not true.

Eye and hair colour are more complex than what you learnt in school biology.

I dont think you understand how the ancestry test works. It is telling you ( unreliably - but that is a different question) that you have for example "2 bits of Yorkshire". But the Yorkshire gene pool will be a certain percentage of black African origin, a certain percentage Scandinavian origin, a certain percentage southern European origin, etc.

You will have black African ancestors definitely, with a yorkshire background, quite a few, as well as a huge viking input

Do the test
Give him the results showing he is the father alongside your divorce papers and request for child maintenance

He doesn’t “basically” think you have cheated, he thinks you have cheated full stop. Why is he asking for a DNA test, get him to order his own DNA test. Then I would be considering if I wished to continue in the relationship.

I actually don’t have children, but if I did and my husband asked me to prove paternity on the basis of eye colour I don’t think I could come back from that.

Pack his bags when he’s at work, leave them outside and include a lock of your DC’s hair in an envelope - he can get a DNA test if he wants to but he’s already lost everything. Horrible fucking man, if he has trust issues he shouldn’t be entering into a marriage and having 2 children

you cant do a DNA test on a lock of hair.....

I would think he has cheated on you at some point and he’s projecting.

Really awful behaviour. I would get the test to shut down comments from the family that will affect your child and to stop him behaving differently. Then I would tell him the relationship was over now once the results were back.

I don't understand the hatred for this man on here. He has grounds for a genuine concern, based on what has been said about eye colour in the family on here. He has asked for his mind to be put at rest. Surely he has done the adult thing, rather than let it fester inside him for decades and poison his relationship with both his child and his partner.

Many women do cheat. Particularly around ovulation. It gives an evolutionary advantage. In that sense it is natural behaviour.

I think just do the test and put it all behind you and move forward as a family. Unless there are other reasons to end the relationship, of course