Retired parents UPSIZING house

[toastlover100]

I’m pretty sure IABU.

My parter and I are late 20s, renting, good careers but still waiting for salaries to increase much.

We are engaged and trying to save for a very small wedding, we know we could just go the registry office but that’s not what we want.

We are also trying to save a house deposit, but it’ll take a long time on current earnings. Hoping to maybe get there by mid thirties.

We would love to have children in the next couple of years but the likelihood is we will still be in our rented flat.

My parents are retired from reasonable jobs but never high earning at all. Through some luck, paying off their mortgage, house price rises, they are about to buy a house worth around a million. This is a huge upsizing.

AIBU to begrudge them this?
We are struggling to make any headway financially, spending thousands a year on rent, wanting a family but not being in the right position etc, whilst my parents are about to spend a huge amount of savings I didn’t know they had to upsize to a large family home they really don’t need.

Fuck me, I didn't get that memo!!!

I must have mislaid my wealth... Oh yeah, I invested it in my kids!!!

And now apparently they are coming for my home as well.

Jesus.

They are coming for your home, your state pension and very possible would cheer for euthanasia for healthy people over 60’s. Things are becoming quite dystopian. Do not forget this threat was started in relation to the OP parents. Quite scary!

Bululu · Today 20:18

They are coming for your home, your state pension and very possible would cheer for euthanasia for healthy people over 60’s. Things are becoming quite dystopian. Do not forget this threat was started in relation to the OP parents. Quite scary!
I mean you feel free to keep making stuff up if it makes you feel better about your selfish decisions (since nobody has said what you're making out they did) , but personally I'd be happy to buy a house for £950,000 rather than a million (ha!), if it meant I could help.out my child with a deposit which would mean they'd be able to get a mortgage rather than be stuck in insecure rented accommodation for ever.

Haha they would rather you piss off and die quickly but only after being childcare provider so they can have all your money cos god forbid they have to wait or save up or make a few compromises. Oh and they will just consider u a burden of u ever need care.

One day they will be elderly themselves and will realise how awful younger generatiosn attitudes are, the level of ageism spewed is disgusting.

I would be happy to help out with a deposit as long as my child didn't bitch about my house, my holidays or or tell me I was being "selfish" in not forking out because oh yes, " they didn't ask to be born".

Just like I am happy to cook dinner for my DH, but not if he tells me it's my wifely duty to do it.

What reasons have your parents given for refusing to help?

You can tell who grew up with privilege around here from their attitude to renting. Renting was just my childhood norm. I didn't realise I was supposed to be ashamed or deprived.

It's a good thing that nobody on this thread has said they want that for their children, then, isn't it?!

Well you can't prove a negative, so your ridiculous statement has to stand, but I've seen a good number of posters who say what they did and currently do to support their adult children. Others have declared an intention to do so if they're able.

EveryonesSlaveApparently · Today 20:41

You can tell who grew up with privilege around here from their attitude to renting. Renting was just my childhood norm. I didn't realise I was supposed to be ashamed or deprived.

The difference is though that in the old days people had the option to rent social housing. Which is secure tenancy for life. That's not an option any more

It's funny how that works. My willingness to help is directly correlated with how taken for granted I feel.

One day my teen got mad at me because something I didn't even know they had put in the wash hadn't been washed within 24 hours. They've done every bit of their own washing ever since that day.

I didn't live in the UK at the time so my parents did not have social housing. Only private rentals.

You want to spend 5k on a wedding but can’t afford a house.
YABU.

They don't have to justify themselves.

I would help but secure the asset so if your partner wanted to divorce you and take half he couldn't.

I certainly would help you get on the property ladder, everyone Iis different.

I couldn't enjoy living in a million pound house whilst I watched the kids struggle.

Sorry OP, definitely YABU. It isn't your money. I completely sympathise with you on having shit all money as a 30 year old woman currently on maternity leave with 4mo DD. Also engaged but don't know when we will be able to afford a nice wedding. We haven't been dealt the best cards as young people. That doesn't make you entitled to that money that your parents earned by working hard though. I get that it's hard to watch when it feels like everything is so hard to achieve right now. I really do empathise. But envy isn't a good look and it isn't your place to judge the choice of home that your parents have made. They could well have their reasons for wanting a big house. Maybe they want it so that you and your future family can visit and stay in a nice house. Also not to be grim but they might be thinking of the value of the property later down the line. You just don't know. They could have plans for it that could benefit you, and siblings if you have any. Who knows?

You always get a hard time on here for these threads but that's because it full of boomers and Gen X (me included) who have been incredibly lucky with the housing market. They can't possibly accept that, it just because they were oh so hard working and deserving.
I can't imagine being like this with my children and have every intention of gifting them the majority of my pension lump sum for house deposits if they haven't managed to buy by then.
It hurts when your parents don't seem to care.

Gifting them your pension money is foolish and not actually doing your children any favours. Who is going to feel the pressure to pick up the financial slack because you didn't keep a sensible pension? Your children. I can sense this looming on the horizon and it's not a good position to be in a child.

You're OK mate. You won't need to take care of me. I have an excellent pension. I will be gifting them part of my LUMP SUM. And keeping the actual very good monthly pension to live on. I wasn't actually planning on giving it all away? Did you think that was my intention?? I certainly don't plan to live in the lap of luxury while my children struggle.

If you can afford to live in the lap of luxury, then I guess you can afford to give it away. At least you're well prepared. Mine aren't and I'm dreading it.

i agree, but am curious if there has been any discussion

Personally I don't see how living in rented accommodation and not being able to afford a 5k wedding equates to struggling.

I bet plenty of the posters on here saying they wouldn't help their adult children out financially - and would rather buy themselves a million pound house while their kids can't afford to buy at all- would still expect those same adult children to be around to help out when their lovely big house becomes too much for them in their old age though.

This is weird. Why are you boasting about how wealthy you are?

Erm you're weird. What are you talking about? I am at least 10 years off retirement but have a decent not massive pension waiting. I intend to gift my children part of my lump sum and hopefully live off the monthly pension. But you can interpret it any way you please.

Oh never mind. I see your other posts you have a big jealousy chip on your shoulder.