I'll try and be succinct at the risk of being accused of drip feeding but this is complicated.
DP of 3 years after I had a harrowing divorce.
Moved 2.5 hours from everything I knew to relocate with him and support his aging parents. FIL has since died, MIL with dementia.
Huge task of clearing their previous home to make it saleable . They hoarded everything for 25 years and it will take months.
I had a management role in retail which was completely inflexible and a lot of responsibility. DP a teacher working 4 days. We had no time together and It was miserable so I resigned with the intention of taking on more of the house clearing and supporting his mum in her new home to try and keep her independent as long as possible. DP said he would support me, we would manage financially.
A new job has literally been dropped in my lap. Twice what I ever earned, remote wfh, no set hours, unlimited paid holiday. US company so some time required to liaise with staff with a time difference so some evening meetings etc but largely left to my own devices. I wasn't looking and never imagined I could or would be offered such an opportunity.
DP came down this morning after being quiet for 2 days. He's not in favour. Says he's worried about how it will impact us and our home will become my office. He won't be able to relax in the evenings, the hours won't match his etc, etc.
I'm disappointed because he's made it all about him. I was excited, if a little scared but I do see it wasn't the plan and will take some adjustment. I also wouldn't be able to be as much help with MIL although I would have much more time than I did in my previous job. I do accept we had an agreement going forward and I would be completely going back on it and we don't need the money to get by but it would make a huge difference.
I also think, whilst we are engaged but not married, I currently have no security and actually, I don't want to be totally reliant on anyone again after my divorce (emotionally controlling ex H) I suspect DP is also feeling a little insecure at the prospect of me taking this on.
Is this a red flag? AIBU in considering it as it would impact our lives or AINBU because it shouldn't have to be me that gives up everything to fit around DP's job and family commitments?
(Both have grown up DCs, not living with us. Own home outright with no mortgage, split 60/40 in my favour if any of that is relevant )