Dd shouted and hit me

[Ffswhatshappenednow]

How would you deal with this?

Dd, 5.5 is generally a very sweet, fun and bright girl, but often finds her hard to control her temper.
We’ve just had a nice time making brownies, sat down with hot chocolate and read stories. All was fine until she saw i
was drinking out of her cup (she’s not normally territorial or fixed on certain things) we both recently bought new cups with dogs on and said only for us to use (bit of a joke as Dh uses all the cups and loses them)
Dds and I new cups are v similar, I was drinking from hers by mistake. She just completely blew up, shouted and hit me.

Ive just switched off the show she wanted to watch and said no more tv and she’s got more upset and said she doesn’t like me anymore and wants me to stay at work forever when I go (saying unkind things is fairly new too)

Is this all normal behaviour?

How would you deal with it?

*Finds it hard to control her temper

I know posters will suggest she's overtired/ normal/ just a child but I wouldn't accept this behaviour. She shouted, then hit, then went on to think of something nasty to say to deliberately hurt you. I would definitely let her know that this isn't acceptable, consequences for that and probably something for later too. Let her have a think about her behaviour and speak to her again later.

Naughty corner?

She's probably overwhelmed, tired, pushing boundaries and doesn't know how to express herself without lashing out. I would do time out and then a quiet but firm talk about what happened and how she could have handled it better.

I don't think it's fully out of bounds but there would need to be consequences, the bit that stands out for me is that you say she often had these kinds of difficulties. DS can be a bit reactive/emotional when he's particularly tired he tearfully told me he was going to live outside last week because the cat wouldn't play with him , for example.
I don't think the hitting is usual at that age from what I've seen with DS DNs and friends' children, but 5 is still young for reliable emotional regulation

@Sandtownnel Yes, it’s really not acceptable to me. What for later on? I’ve switched the tv off, which she’s upset again and made clear that she can’t hit and hurt people and that her words aren’t nice at all.

Stick to your guns. If you've said no TV keep it that way. Have a firm talk about how unkind her words were and that she doesn't dare hit. She needs consequences for bad behavior.

I think your consequences are enough at this point, she's not having TV time and she's lost the nice mummy daughter time together , because her behaviour has in essence ended that.
I would try and talk to her when she's calmed down, ask her how she's feeling, how she thinks you felt when she hit you and said those things to you and discuss how she might handle things better in future if she's feeling frustrated/angry whatever emotion she names

It is normal, and you give a consequence because it's not acceptable.

Don't blow it out of proportion, she's very young. Just make it clear you don't hit, give the consequence, move on.

Very young
Just back from what i imagine was very tiring day at school
End of the week

I’d do very little if a one off. You turned off TV. Keep it off for the evening but nothing more

Now she’s got some paper out and says she’s wrapping up a present to say sorry.

I'd tell her she hurt me, it made me sad and that it is totally unacceptable behaviour.

I of course still love her but because of what she has done I dont want to play with her this evening so she needs to play in her room until bedtime and that the mugs and hot chocolate are going away for a week. Daddy can play with her and she can obviously come down for tea.

She can have her mug back next week, as long as she doesnt hit you or behave that way in the mean time.

You've done the right thing, and it's certainly not outside of the norm for five year olds to be having temper tantrums.

Regarding the nasty words, I would just try and stay as neutral as possible and like a broken record, remind her that those words make you sad and that you will talk to her when she is feeling calm.

Then when she is, you can talk to her properly about what happened. Sorry mummy, calmed down, etc. Don't give that TV back though!

So what would you do?

I would say it’s very poor of her and so no tv for the evening

But she will have just started school
Exhausting days

End of the week

i am serious about what these consequences would be?

Nice of her ☺️☺️

in that case you move on.

No grudges no extra punishment. You accept her apology and you move on

I'd be having a firm conversation along the lines of 'would you like me to it you when you do things I don't like? No? Then you do not do it to me...ever'.

She's worked out that she was wrong, needs to apologise and is taking actions and effort to do so. I think you can let this one go.

I have a very volatile daughter too. Staying calm in the face of it, allowing time for them to cool off, then going in and reflecting emotions and helping them explore their feelings to develop emotional intelligence is useful at this point.

Good luck. I remember 5 being quite tricky, but there were external factors, too

I'd say it's normal, although not nice, behaviour for a typical 5yo. Most kids will lash out whether physically or with their words at some point. Boundary pushing and all that.
You've acted appropriately by switching off the TV for the night. I think I'd just have a good conversation (once everyone is calm again) about feeling angry or upset is fine but it's not okay to hit or use unkind words to hurt someone else because she's feeling upset.

I think small children hitting is much more common than some posters think. There was an immediate consequence and she's apologising. Agree with a PP, don't make it bigger than it is.

FWIW DD1 at the age of 5 would bite me every day on the walk home from school. I would tell her every day (in a rather bored voice) she was getting no TV when we got home, no other reaction, I made the consequence as boring as possible, definitely NOT lots of attention telling her how bad biting was. She eventually grew out of it and is now a high achieving well behaved teenager.

Nobody on here will agree but I am a very strong believer in teaching to hit back. I want my kids to know from an early age that if you take it upon yourself to hit someone then they can/will hit back. Same applies if someone hits them they are within their rights to defend their self.

I would give a tap on the wrist.

When she has calmed down, go and have a chat with her and explain why we don't behave the way she did and how if she is upset or angry that she needs to use words and tell you so that you can sort out problems. Then have a cuddle and leave it there. Stick to the no TV for the rest of the day but don't make a big deal about it and don't respond or react at all to the "I hate you" comments. She doesn't mean it, she's five and using what ammo she has.

apt username

i read it as always always “Scold”

Could it be a sugar-overload?

You made brownies and then had a hot chocolate (presumably with the brownies?) in a relatively short space of time; in a small child that could flip them from saint to dinner very easily.

Spend a few days restricting her sugar intake and see if her behaviour improves.

and going by your history, you are days away from giving birth to your first!