Dd shouted and hit me

[Ffswhatshappenednow]

How would you deal with this?

Dd, 5.5 is generally a very sweet, fun and bright girl, but often finds her hard to control her temper.
We’ve just had a nice time making brownies, sat down with hot chocolate and read stories. All was fine until she saw i
was drinking out of her cup (she’s not normally territorial or fixed on certain things) we both recently bought new cups with dogs on and said only for us to use (bit of a joke as Dh uses all the cups and loses them)
Dds and I new cups are v similar, I was drinking from hers by mistake. She just completely blew up, shouted and hit me.

Ive just switched off the show she wanted to watch and said no more tv and she’s got more upset and said she doesn’t like me anymore and wants me to stay at work forever when I go (saying unkind things is fairly new too)

Is this all normal behaviour?

How would you deal with it?

Might just be your memory!

How would you deal with this?

Off to bed she would be going and she could have a tantrum in her room for as long as she wanted.

She did wrong, got herself worked up, but then managed to calm herself down and tried to make amends.

Well done to her. There are a few adults I can think of who could learn from her 🤣.

I would stick to no TV as that was the consequence for her inappropriate behaviour. But I would also acknowledge the appropriate behaviour afterwards - and maybe a small reward for that before she goes to bed.

7 and 4. And I don’t let them thump or insult anyone. I don’t believe in nicey nicey wishy washy parenting.

Sounds very proportionate to me. Fair enough she's tired but hitting isn't on regardless. She's had an immediate consequence and knows why, she's allowed to be upset about that, she's come round and tried to make amends and you've tried to teach her how to do better next time. I would be friends and not mention it again. There would be no benefit to further punishment

I would be very cross without raising my voice. In a calm, controlled voice, get down to her level, look her in the eye and say: Mummy loves you, Mummy bought you that mug, made you that hot chocolate, helped you make brownies, read you that story.All day long, I was doing lovely things with you because I love you and you repay me by hitting me? How dare you be so rude and cruel to someone who shows you love?

And that is a real question, not a rhetorical one. Make her answer it. How dare she be so cruel and rude? What was going on? Help her process it. Stay firm: "I was being a tiger' 'No, that's an excuse.' 'Sorry mummy' 'Thank you for your apology but it doesn't answer my question. How dare you be so rude and cruel? Why do you think you have the right to hurt people who love you? I love you. Do I have the right to hurt you if I want to? How would you feel if I did?'

Again, not rhetorical questions. Make her answer them.
End the discussion by asking, 'You didn't like me drinking from your cup. What could you have done to stop me, that isn't cruel and rude?'
This encourages her to process ways to handle anger in an appropriate way.

Finally, some kids get sugar rage. Brownies and hot choc aged 5 could lead to a blood sugar spike that causes anger. Tell her this and tell her you both need to watch out how she feels when she has sugar.

Ah bless 🥰

Nope, I may be older than you but my mental faculties are still sharp.

I can honestly say that my children never, ever raised a hand to me at any age and certainly would never have said hurtful things to me.

i don’t understand why, on the one hand, a teacher is reported by a mother for separating two girls in the playground using her hands (at the request of the parents) yet it appears to be ok for children, not just on this thread, to hit and abuse parents.

the playground issue was on a recent thread in case you’re wondering what I’m referring to.

I haven't has step daughters in 4 years this July???

Recognising that it’s normal / over tired etc doesn’t mean you accept it.

Aww, that's really sweet...unless the present is a full dog poo bag with a ribbon on it 😉😆😈

I see ageism is still alive and well on MN then. There really was no need for this comment was there?

my DC unfortunately does this pretty often. She is always very sorry afterwards. We’ve had a lot of success with waiting until everyone is calm. Helping to name feelings and what will we do next time. Plus natural consequence, so mugs and hot chocolate go away. We do DC has to stay in room until she’s calm and ready to apologize rather than a timed time out. We put her back in if she’s not actually calm. I am also careful to apologize if I reacted badly. Ie, if she hits me and I yell, I would say “I’m sorry for yelling, I was startled and it hurt, next time I will use my words to saying being hit really upsets me.”

We’ve seen a decrease in hitting but more importantly an increase in DC saying things like “mommy I know you didn’t mean to drink out of my mug but I really wanted to drink it and I’m mad you took my hot chocolate”

Ugh what a load of guilt tripping cringe. Have a read about why shaming children is counter productive

I'm pretty sure I posted on that thread in support of the teacher! I remember small children lashing out at their parents years ago. I remember my little friend biting his mum and another throwing an apple at hers. Ive heard numerous older family members talking about biting their children back when they bit them. Maybe you were blessed with perfect children though!
Bullying and child on child violence have both decreased in the last few decades.

This is really weird.

Don't do this.

None of us have perfect memories! Most of us struggle to remember everything from decades ago, I know I certainly do.

Witching hour isn't just for babies... After school until bedtime is awful with small dc... Ime.. Wrap up the brownies and tomorrow is a new day.

Some of the advice on this thread is completely mental.

Your approach was great OP. Have a nice evening with your kid.

Nestofwalnuts - ghastly
OP - beautifully handled

I think you handled it just right, OP. Ignore the posters basically calling for the firing squad, they're ridiculous.

Nestofwalnuts Chilling response.
OP - beautifully handled

Finally a parent who actually does some parenting.
oh but on MN this would be abuse. You would have to ‘have a chat’ about her behavior, acknowledge her feelings, and give countless undeserved cuddles. And probably apologise for making her angry.
It’s no wonder so many children are feral.

I wouldn't care if they were tired, or over-hyped on sugar. At 5 they have already been in formal school for a year and know damn well that hitting is totally unacceptable (or they should know). I would take a very dim view of this behaviour and would tell DD so, in a very stern voice. No TV tonight. Nothing else nice either. Only a perfunctory bath and bedtime.

They need to know in their bones that their behaviour is totally unacceptable. No ifs or buts. You then accept their apology, share a hug and life goes on. But the line has been drawn and they'll be very wary of crossing it again.

All this mealy mouthed, ineffectual tutting and gentle explanations about 'how it makes Mummy sad' is why some parents end up with older children who are still hitting, who are still verbally abusive to the parents and are insufferable brats.