Dd shouted and hit me

[Ffswhatshappenednow]

How would you deal with this?

Dd, 5.5 is generally a very sweet, fun and bright girl, but often finds her hard to control her temper.
We’ve just had a nice time making brownies, sat down with hot chocolate and read stories. All was fine until she saw i
was drinking out of her cup (she’s not normally territorial or fixed on certain things) we both recently bought new cups with dogs on and said only for us to use (bit of a joke as Dh uses all the cups and loses them)
Dds and I new cups are v similar, I was drinking from hers by mistake. She just completely blew up, shouted and hit me.

Ive just switched off the show she wanted to watch and said no more tv and she’s got more upset and said she doesn’t like me anymore and wants me to stay at work forever when I go (saying unkind things is fairly new too)

Is this all normal behaviour?

How would you deal with it?

DD loses something like TV for a day for behaviour like hitting. Generally we are pretty laidback parents but DD is a very strong personality and needs firm boundaries around hitting specifically (she’s a lovely cheerful kid but has a temper) It has massively reduced negative behaviour. But I warned her of the consequences in advance so she knows what the deal is so it’s fair.

Did you quickly apologise for using her mug? That might have diffused the situation before it started.

I think you handled it perfectly. I would thank her for her apology and move on.

I think the key is regardless of how you feel you don’t hit. Thats the lesson I’m trying to teach my DC, I get angry but I don’t hit people, kids need to understand that. Object loudly by all means but hitting is crossing a line.

Please put a stop to it … I’m talking from experience and I didn’t manage it well. She’s 17 now and she’s bite me, hit me and bruised me pretty badly at her worst and can be abusive if she doesn’t get her own way.

@Nestofwalnuts Reading that approach just made me feel really uncomfortable 😳

@Noicant Yes, that’s exactly what I said

@CurlewKate I didn’t get much chance as she reacted so quickly and I hadn’t even realised I had picked up her cup (both ours were next to each other and v similar with a dog on) After she’d calmed I said it was an accident as I hadn’t even realised it was hers, I didn’t apologise because at that point I was so angry about her reaction

@Nestofwalnuts That was horrible to read and shows a total lack of understanding of child brain development.

OP I think you handled it just fine. I wouldn’t stress about it any further. Regardless of what PPs say, a lot of 5 year olds lash out now and then. I work with this age group and I can tell you that the ones who actually come to school and lash out are NOT the ones whose parents are disciplining them with boundaries and love, which is what sounds like you’ve done here.

Oh wow, I am surprised that in 2024, people are still advocating hitting children

@Alwaysalwayscold would you support a man hitting his partner if he felt she was out of line?

My kids who blow up have SEN so this might help you but....

Think of the fire triangle. If you feel she is escalating. Remove the oxygen. If this carry on, I'm going to stop talking to you until you calm down, I'm not saying anymore now until your calm. Then totally ignore her until she is calm.

Then once she is calm, give her food and a drink then do the " when you did x it made me feel y. What was going on in your head / what was you thinking"

Obviously no good in a sudden lashing out of course. I just don't argue with my kids.

🙄 At that age she is not going to see the connection with something that happens days later to her behaviour right now so is pointless other than just upsetting everybody. As others have said a clear management of it at the moment it happens with appropriate consequence like they have done will be more effective.

This advice is so upsetting.

WTAF? No. No. No. Wrong on every level and deeply disturbing to even just read.

@Alwaysalwayscold So how does that finish? You hit them back. But you’ve taught them it’s ok to hit back. So they hit you back. So you hit them back. So…

I honestly can’t think of a more inappropriate method of discipline than doing to your child exactly what you are teaching them NOT to do.

Also it’s thankfully illegal where I live.

If you say so. I would never be dismissive of aggression my children. I would always challenge bad behaviour. They were the most chilled, kind teens - never rude or abusive, never mean to others. Teach them emotional intelligence. Ye sit shocks them the first (and only) time you need to do it. I've challenged school bullies like that too and it stops them.

I wonder why you find it disturbing.

Yes it's normal and she needs to learn that this is not acceptable behaviour. At age 5, consequences need to be immediate. I would send her to her room/naughty step and expect an apology for hitting mummy. Then draw a line under it and move on!

We all think we know everything about parenting before we have kids. Hitting a child is NEVER acceptable. Hopefully you will learn that very soon.

"I would be very cross without raising my voice. In a calm, controlled voice, get down to her level, look her in the eye and say: Mummy loves you, Mummy bought you that mug, made you that hot chocolate, helped you make brownies, read you that story.All day long, I was doing lovely things with you because I love you and you repay me by hitting me? How dare you be so rude and cruel to someone who shows you love?

And that is a real question, not a rhetorical one. Make her answer it. How dare she be so cruel and rude? What was going on? Help her process it. Stay firm: "I was being a tiger' 'No, that's an excuse.' 'Sorry mummy' 'Thank you for your apology but it doesn't answer my question. How dare you be so rude and cruel? Why do you think you have the right to hurt people who love you? I love you. Do I have the right to hurt you if I want to? How would you feel if I did?'"

You thick fucking psychopath 😂😂😂😂

We are experiencing some really trying behaviour from our 5 year old too. I'm hoping it's an age thing - I know we aren't the only ones,

We just sent ours straight to their bedrooms for hitting. They’d cool off for a few minutes and then we’d go in and acknowledge their feelings but reaffirm that we don’t hit.

It seems to have worked for my two who are totally different personalities.

This is far too much for a child that age to process and verbalise. This very bad, and quite chilling, advice.

OP you handled it well. It’s not acceptable and you’ve made that clear.

@Alwaysalwayscold please read some parenting books. Parenting young children is about modelling good behaviour. Absolutely no decent parenting technique recommends modelling bad behaviour back to a child!

You will be hit as a parent while your child learns. I shudder to think why a 2 year old would need hitting back. That’s shocking.

Words fail me. Just wow 😔 So shaming and being emotionally cruel is your advice then right? Not to mention manipulative that your child 'owes' you for the things you do for her which any parent/carer should do. Guessing you never possibly made a mistake as a five year old 🙄 And just to be clear absolutely this behaviour is not okay and children need clear firm boundaries for sure. But not like this.

When she has calmed down, I would mention it to her and say something like ' you seemed very angry when I accidentally used your cup - why was that?' It will be a good opportunity to have a chat with her . It maybe that something was triggered by you using her cup.
It will also be a good opportunity to remind her that we all make mistakes sometimes and that she will too sometimes and we have to learn to understand that these things happen and can't go hitting people in these situations as there will be consequences.