Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

I think this sounds more like emotional or cognitive strain than pure exhaustion. I do think school can overvalue stamina and undervalue downtime in growing children, but your DC’s exhaustion does sound quite extreme and I suspect she is exerting considerable effort with some kind of masking over and above the normal demands of the school day, bless her. Get her bloods etc checked first to rule out anything along those lines, but I think the ear defenders are the clue here. I think she’s trying very hard to fit into a box that isn’t quite the right shape for her . That would also explain the lack of exhaustion during holidays ( whereas iron deficiency etc would persist). She’s doing a great job at communicating her strain to you - and probably also doing a really heroic job at slotting into a mould they expect of her but which is difficult for her to maintain. Schools are not actually properly trained in identifying these issues ( that’s what educational psychologists are for) and really are pretty rubbish a lot of the time with these issues. They frequently overlook well behaved children who genuinely need help and foist wrong diagnoses on children whom they find hard work. It’s not their fault because it’s not their specialism, but that’s why I wouldn’t be too swayed by the teacher’s opinion. Dd is asking for help, do get it. Start with the gp and go from there.

If you can afford to, consider home ed. Primary is very easy to manage at home, you'll get all the school work done in 2 hours and the rest can be for expanding horizons, learning instruments, sports and lots of rest.

“ albeit a Scottish one.” 😆

I meant a Scottish school system

Your daughter sounds like my son. He has ADHD, masks in school and found the move to year 1 really difficult. Ask school if they could provide sensory breaks or quiet breaks during the day for her, they really help my son.

I remember my kids being tired too, I’m another person saying go to the GP and rule out anaemia or something worse.

also we didn’t do any homework until year 5, just reading at bed time (or any big fancy projects like Tudor house models that I ended up doing anyway).
The home work at their age is so pointless and playing and having fun and being creative is more beneficial I think. There’s YEARS of homework at secondary.

Piece of fruit on the way home to rule out hunger?
Is the class particularly naughty or noisy? One of our kids had a lot of special needs kids in her class and it was quite noisy and unpredictable. Some parents moved to a different school with quieter classes because their children could cope better.

Just some ideas, I hope she feels better soon, it’s so tough for you having to send her in.

She could be low in vitamins.

Why have you ignored all of the posts concerned that there is something medically wrong with your child, OP - not adhd, autism etc - as in - a vitamin deficiency?? Please take her to get checked out, there could be something seriously wrong

Did you read about how ASD specifically presents in girls, and about how low the detection and diagnosis rates are in girls because so much received wisdom about ASD focuses on the presentation in boys? Did you read about masking?

Oh ok! It read as though you were qualifying your perspective generally which seemed rather overly harsh on yourself!

Take her to the GP obviously.

Assuming any medical issues are ruled out, could she be hungry? My DD (5) really struggles coming out of school and once she's had a snack she really perks up in terms of energy and general mood! She has a good breakfast, snacks and an amazing cooked school lunch but by hometime she's 'done' and needs a hearty snack to see her til teatime.
She's a bit like me, I really struggle if I'm hungry - I feel very 'hangry'.

🤣that's funny. I read your response as a fellow Scots person taking offence that I'd generalised a Scottish perspective.

we have the same issue with my 12yo DD, she has 'after school restraint collapse' so she is brilliant during the day, teachers always tell me she is happy and thriving, but she falls to pieces every day as soon as she gets in the car to come home. we're exploring underlying ND issues as it seems she is expending her energy successfully masking during the day and then burning out as soon as it's home time. noise is a big factor, she often cries after school because school is 'too noisy' and has a sort of delayed reaction to it. we've spoken to school and they've been great at giving her quiet moments/spaces in her timetable to try and decompress during the day, to preserve her inner battery. hth.

Has she been to see the GP about this? She may simply be anemic. Your GP is your first port of call.

YY. I have pernicious anaemia which is a B12 deficiency, not iron. It's an auto immune condition and easily treated. But when i am in the middle of it I sleep easily 13 hours a day and can't get through the day.

OP- go to the GP to rule out any physical issues.

But I don't think you can pick'n'mix between regular school and homeschool!

another one saying that it sounds like masking and sensory overload.

My dd is 16, diagnosed ASD last month.
She was bright, articulate, clever, well behaved, sensible and kind in school. School could not imagine that there was actually anything wrong.
Only with the awful effect online schooling had on her during covid, and her inability to make friendships which got noticeably worse through secondary school, did school see there was a problem.

She said to me once (before I had talked to her about ASD)
Mummy the social side of school is just exhausting. I am so tired when I get home, I can;t do anything. Aged 11, and she would come home and fall asleep.

For her masking is the big emotional cost every minute of every day.

Give the Op a chance she only posted about 4hrs ago she might be working, or doing stuff.

She is possibly a little shocked and upset at the number of postered suggesting ASD / ADHD and thinking how has she and school missed it?

Indeed. I haven’t even worked through my inbox entirely yet…

Someone will probably moan but is there any chance she could be autistic? This is exactly how my dd was at that age. Wasn't diagnosed until 10 as we didn't realise until later.

But I don't think you can pick'n'mix between regular school and homeschool!

Flexi schooling is possible if all parties agree.

Obviously rule out medical issues - physical or otherwise.

Id try an earlier bedtime before considering dropping school. My 6 year old often went to bed at 6pm or, very occasionally, even earlier, if I spotted obviously overtired behaviour and tantrums taking over. I never thought there was any point keeping them up if they felt rotten.

What is the full picture? Do you walk to school? Do you do activities at the weekend? Can you encourage naps?

I wouldnt even be trying to do school work on weekdays from what you've said, but perhaps do it on a saturday morning after breakfast, followed by cartoons.

Try and take the most caring route but dont forget that sometimes kis would rather just be at home and sometimes express this in way that make you feel guilty (I'm not at all saying that she is trying to manipulate you, just be aware of your feelings steering you into making her happy in a way that doesnt address the issue e.g. a day of in the wee treats the symptoms but not the cause if it's a health issue)

I think it sounds like an emotional problem rather than a physical one (though that should obviously ruled out as a priority). You say she’s going to bed at 7, and is usually asleep before 10. That seems like it’s taking a very long time for her to get to sleep, even though she’s exhausted which may point to her being tense/overwhelmed. How is her bedtime routine in general? Does she wind down before bed? Is she taking a tablet to bed with her? 10 o’clock is quite late for her age. She may just need more sleep.

I'd definitely take her to the gp. It's not normal for a 6 year old to be that tired