to think life is a bit of a treadmill?

[thehoot100]

What with getting up, making breakfast, making yourself presentable, making beds, getting out to work, or setting up to work from home, making dinner cleaning up, doing washings, sorting washings, ironing what needs ironed, going to the gym or getting in some kind of exercise, cleaning and organising the house, getting the food shop in, putting it all away, then when kids come into the equation even more stuff has to be done on a daily basis.

If your lucky you get to sit down at 9 or 10 pm for a cup of tea and a tv show or your book but then you have to be going to bed soon because then you need to get up and do it all again tomorrow!

I know people say oh just leave it, lower your standards but I don't feel mine are that high to begin with but if I don't get a washing on at least every other day I fall behind and then struggle to catch up with it all. I am by nature very sedentary and so I need to get out and exercise at least 4 times a week otherwise I'm a wheezing blob. If the house gets too bad then it just overwhelms me and cooking healthy food is a priority for me for my health. I honestly feel like just looking after a home and yourself could be a fulltime job!

I agree the week is basically kids, school runs. Work, house and gym. I'm up at 6am, time to chill is 830-930pm
Weekends are kids activities, seeing family with the occasional night out. And we go to bed around 11pm with a lay in each.

I don't remember my parents or my childhood being like this.

I 100% agree

I wish we could afford a cleaner because I am not good at keeping the house clean

I know what you mean and frequently feel the same, and I only have one child.

I gave up ironing more than a decade ago. There is literally nothing that needs ironing in our home. My husband has to wear smart shirts for his work sometimes and we arranged he will pay a dry cleaning service who drop off at our house. It's £1 a shirt and he does them all monthly. Well worth it!

With laundry it's tiresome but I've stopped worrying if there's always a full basket or a load to fold.

With food I assume you get online delivery, and yes planning and meal planning can be a faff.

Do you have a partner who does their fair share? I recommend the book Fair Play which helped me.

Certain jobs my partner does from start to finish so I literally never even need to think about them and that has been a godsend.

I agree, I think society is very competitive when it comes to how much people can juggle in life but I've seen through this with age, and greedy employers creating competition to get their employees to work harder than each other so they get more productivity for the same money.

I spent my 20s and 30s being the first one to get to work, work my socks off and be the last one to leave.
Now I'm in my 40s I am the last to arrive, do only what my job entails and no more and I'm the first out the door at home time and guess what I still get paid exactly the same, I'm just not as tired.

My house is reasonably tidy but I don't cook everyday, salads take minutes to prepare or a jacket in the microwave and maybe a roast just on a Sunday and I'm perfectly nourished.

The only thing we were given in this life was time, the fact that we're forced to sell it is bad enough but keep some of it for yourself, not all of it's for sale.

@FooFighter99 I feel like even a day or two of not doing the usual daily stuff the house looks like a bomb hit it and its overwhelming to try and get back on top of it all.

Love this

Glad to see people are finding ways of clawing back some time for themselves, I feel like I am doing that as much as I can but the food and exercise really are essential for me. I could do with an ironing fairy though!

love this thread. currently trying to work out a solution to my evenings just flying by and not having any down/chill time.

@cosynightshome I'm not even a hard-charging overachiever, far from it even doing the bare minimum seems to be quite a lot! Perhaps I am just super lazy and even that a bit much😂

We don't bother ironing any more, DH and I only iron things for formal occasions like weddings nowaday. Getting a dishwasher and tumble dryer was one of the best decisions we've ever made as well, I couldn't live without them now. Little shortcuts make all the difference if you can find a way.

I think with a busy family life you have to lower your standards regarding a clean/ tidy house. If the beds aren't made, who cares, no-one is going to see them except you if you're working from home.

Try doing one tidy or one clean job a day, not everything. Eg one load of washing.

Give the kids age appropriate tasks - eg they do their beds, load /unload the dishwasher.

Create a rota so that everyone has a task - if you have agreeable family and that will work for you and not create more stress of course.

Try not to compare your life/ home etc to anyone elses, it's what works for you that matters.

We all have days when it gets too much and would like a team of helpers just to get on and do it. I know I do.

I read the other day that adulthood is like when you were little and fell over on a trampoline and everyone else kept jumping so you couldn't get back up...... That just about hit the nail on the head for me 😂.

@LemonLight I was an idiot when we did our kitchen I said not to a tumble dryer and dishwasher for the sake of the environment, I have since learnt that dishwashers and hand washing are similar in what they use anyway so I might as well have got one!

@Pr1mr0se These are good tips thank you. I do feel like I do just kind of the basic stuff I need to do to feel ok myself at home and for me I prefer to keep on top of things than having to do a big clean to get it back to ok. I don't think I compare with others as its really about how I feel and for example I love the feeling of getting into my bed when its made as it seems so cosy so for me making the bed is with it. I probably could get others to do a bit more but I get met with the half assed jobs, I'll do it laters and I end up having to nag which I hate!

That sounds about right!

I honestly feel like just looking after a home and yourself could be a fulltime job!

These things ARE a full time job, assuming you don't want to live every day at breakneck speed. This is what SAHMs did and do during the working day. And, when they've done all these things and DC are in bed, they get a few hours each evening to relax, spend with their DP, read, watch TV etc. To me, this is a normal and sensible pace of life. Spouses/partners of SAHPs (not just parents in "SAHP"s, I know of two partners - no kids - who constitute the "P" in SAHP) also benefit, as their relaxation time is preserved by the other person doing all the dull shit while they're earning money.

It's only in recent times that women choose and/or are obliged to squeeze in caring for their children and home and selves and aging relatives and hobbies and holidays around FT paid employment. It's just not reasonable, but it's very often necessary.

@thehoot100 I feel exactly the same. My life is literally one whole long list of never ending drudge.
There are nice bits in between-holidays, days out. But due to financial constraints, even days out are now rare.
My kids are late primary/mid secondary, so days out "to the park" don't cut it anymore.
It's literally up, breakfast, ready, work, gym, cook, launder, bed. If I watch a whole one hour episode it's a good night. I can't watch an episode AND read my book, as there isn't time.
Bed, ready to do it all the next day.

And people saying let the housework go....I mean, my house is tidy enough (constant constant low level tidying) but it isn't CLEAN. I can't let it go any further 😂

@Raincloudsonasunnyday You're right of course but I do love my work, or some of it. It was what I studied to do and I wouldn't want to give it up but it is like I have two jobs and a stay at home spouse would be ideal except my DH also loves his work and to be honest we need two wages coming in even though nothing about our lifestyle is extravagant.

I don't have much time for hobbies other than reading and exercise and I don't have caring for elderly relatives just yet although I can see it coming 🙁

@Minikievs I hear you, I can either read for 30 minutes during which time I'll be falling asleep or watch an episode of something which at least counts as time with DH! I also agree on the housework, I can't really compromise on that any further!

I hear you. I WAS you. Years of university and post-grad studying and training to get to where I was, earning more money than my DH was at the time. But after a few years of the treadmill, I had to choose: that wasn't what I wanted my life to be, I'd chosen to marry a man who didn't want to be a SAHD and who was by then earning almost double what I was earning, so it was up to me. One or the other.

And then, I got to an age where it was pointless having any regrets because I had learned that I physically wouldn't have been able to cope much longer. There are only 24 hours in a day, and I couldn't have managed being answerable to/responsible for an employer, two children, parents in failing health, a home, and myself. I would have crumbled under the pressure and that would have been even worse.

This is something I'm raising my DC to be very aware of: with freedoms come responsibilities, and very often tough choices.

Not for me. I love my life.

@SherrieElmer Care to elaborate? Do you work, have kids, do you do housework or have a cleaner, do you enjoy cleaning and ironing for example?

@Raincloudsonasunnyday I'm an artist and couldn't give that up unfortunately its what gets me through most of the other stuff!

If all you’re doing is a 9-5 and home then you need to look at systems. Why is it a bombshell after a day?

I know kids, people etc. But really look at it. Is it because there’s no where to put stuff when you come in and everything ends up on the kitchen table? Is because things get taken to the bathroom or another room when really they need to be somewhere else. Ie. Clothes taken off in that room and not taken back to laundry in bedroom then get a basket for the bathroom or the hall.

It takes loads of time to get this right. Like years of looking at it and creating systems so it works. I call this ‘house flow’ and DP thinks I’m slightly insane but it’s sooooo important.

All other things you need to outsource as much as possible. Hello fresh or gusto for shopping/cooking, automated basket for other things on monthly like loo roll or dishwasher tablets etc. Set it so you remove what you don’t need as opposed adding what you do. Oddbox for fruit and veg extras.

Get a window washer, get a cleaner if you can afford one.

Buy a tumble drier and dishwasher!

Yes I agree. The past few months in particular, with Christmas and all that brings, seems to have added to it. I have ADHD and I really really struggle when the house is in a mess, it makes me feel very panicky and anxious as I worry I'll forget something (I have places for certain things so I remember to do them!)
We are extremely strict and always aim to "have less stuff". Less stuff for the kids to mess up the house with, less stuff to tidy away. I try and do 15 minutes a day before I start work to "whip round" and do the immediate things.
We also try and keep weekends as free as possible. We try and spend Saturday doing the house jobs and then Sunday is a chill out family day, so we'll go for a long walk or bike ride etc. I try and get ahead as much as possible on the weekend as otherwise the weekdays are overwhelming!