to think life is a bit of a treadmill?

[thehoot100]

What with getting up, making breakfast, making yourself presentable, making beds, getting out to work, or setting up to work from home, making dinner cleaning up, doing washings, sorting washings, ironing what needs ironed, going to the gym or getting in some kind of exercise, cleaning and organising the house, getting the food shop in, putting it all away, then when kids come into the equation even more stuff has to be done on a daily basis.

If your lucky you get to sit down at 9 or 10 pm for a cup of tea and a tv show or your book but then you have to be going to bed soon because then you need to get up and do it all again tomorrow!

I know people say oh just leave it, lower your standards but I don't feel mine are that high to begin with but if I don't get a washing on at least every other day I fall behind and then struggle to catch up with it all. I am by nature very sedentary and so I need to get out and exercise at least 4 times a week otherwise I'm a wheezing blob. If the house gets too bad then it just overwhelms me and cooking healthy food is a priority for me for my health. I honestly feel like just looking after a home and yourself could be a fulltime job!

Apart from the fact this isn’t true. The vast majority of women have always worked as well as doing childcare/family care and housework. The idea of a SAHM being some kind of norm is very culture- and time-specific.

I hear ya (hence my username!)

Get a dishwasher OP, you definitely don't need to spend your already reduced time washing dishes!

You are right. It’s pretty shit isn’t it.

Things have changed a lot since I was a kid. Then my dad worked 8 hr shifts but clocked in and out so he didn’t do any more than that. My mum was SAH for 8 years then part time for another 5/6 before going FT and never worked more than her hours. My dad retired at 50! Both kids were had by age 25 and so they were done with all that crap by the age of 45.

There were no clubs for them to ferry us to as we would have just got “is there something wrong with your feet?” We never got taken to school whatever the weather and we were allowed out everyday so didn’t mother them at all.

I think people do too much. Pamper their kids too much, give them too much and work too much to pay for it all.

You're right - but when was there ever an expectation that women (1) earn an equal salary (2) bear children (3) care for and pay for their fair share of home and bills (4) care for aging relatives (5) look a certain way (6) maintain fitness and physical and mental health, in addition to general expectations of what life "should" hold: weddings, holidays, well educated children, an interesting social life, and so on.

I don't think there's ever been as much pressure on women to do and be as much. Women have always had to work, but not while doing everything else. The pressure that women feel, and allow themselves to feel, is certainly a modern thing.

Yes! Get up, work, do some chores, look after baby, do more work/chores. Collapse in bed around 10pm and repeat every day forever.

The only thing we were given in this life was time, the fact that we're forced to sell it is bad enough but keep some of it for yourself, not all of it's for sale.

Wow. Yes. This is very eloquent. I’ve never thought of it quite like that before.

Not forever, just until you die 😱😂

I'm interested to know if there's anyone on here who has kids, works etc and who doesnt feel like this? Has anyone nailed it? Is anyone out there smashing this? If so please report back.

I don't know what I am doing but I never felt this way.
We have minimal stuff in the house, so no piles of rubbish (except in my studio, but this is more of a creative mess that doesn't need addressing). So cleaning takes 30 minutes tops (wipe the counters while the kettle is boiling, hoover while the toaster is toasting etc.). Laundry gets done maybe a couple of times a week. If I lived alone, I could get away with one load a fortnight.
I don't bother cooking every day. I make a big pot of stew which lasts us 3-4 nights. If someone doesn't fancy eating leftovers, they can do the cooking.
I have a 9-5 job, I exercise three times a week (plus Mon-Fri dog walk, partner takes weekends) and I run an art business on top of that. And I have time for hobbies but maybe not daily. No small kids, though, so that helps. Kiddo is free range, can get herself in and out of school, do the laundry, wash up on Saturdays and such. And if I don't fancy doing something, I don't do it and I know that someone else will.
I think I iron maybe six times a year and it is usually something I am wearing that exact day, not a whole laundry load.

I dunno either, I asked Sherrie on the last page but no response so far!

@Catza I am pretty minimalist too and luckily I have a separate studio space in town so that mess is mostly confined to there but my art is my full time career.

I probably do prioritise food quite a bit and like to have nice meals to look forward to each day although I cool most of them. I need to do laundry more often then what you say and hoovering and cleaning seems to take longer than what you suggest. I suppose we all have different houses and different standards in what we are prepared to live with. I have tried to reduce mine down but there is limit to what I am prepared to accept.

I hear you. I’m exhausted.

I say to my husband all the time that he’s got it made, he’s got a housewife who also pays half the bills.

I do 90% of all house stuff, in the hours he’s spends on his commute. I could absolutely fill my days and always be busy without the 40 hours a week I do my actual job.

I'm at SAHM and it is very easy to fall into the trap of making sure the house is spotless, the dinner is on, the laundry/ironing is all done, the fridge/freezer/pantry are full and the garden is pristine before everyone comes home from school/college/work. But I can't believe I used to work FT and do all of the above and parent two small children. OP, these days won't last forever. And take my advice; pay well into a decent pension fund and retire at 55.

This is so true & life is just so boring that I can honestly feel myself just getting older & waiting to die

I don't iron - but have no need to, husband is a builder, noone wears uniform. If something is creased that I want to wear, I do it there and then, one item. Bedding does not need ironing.

My kids are 17 and 19 so rarely need driving around, and no bed or bath time to oversee.

DH does the cooking.

I exercise first thing or at lunch times. Running, swimming or power walking.

But despite all of this, yes life is a treadmill, holidays give you a break from the routine of it all, but you soon have to climb back on.

I guess my point is if you share the load and as your kids get older, it does get easier. I am pretty much chilling on the sofa by 6pm.

This, nails it.

I definitely felt like this a couple of years ago. 2 DC with SN under 10. Work 4 days a week (and the 5th day of the week the DC didn't have school so it was spent looking after them and taking them to numerous medical appointments and sports clubs).

To shake things up and feel less treadmilly I suggest:

Doing different things at the weekend. Small things like a different walk or bigger things like visiting a castle or something. So weekends don't all seem the same.

Carving out time for you to do sport at the weekend. I didn't do this for years as I felt it should be "family time" but I was just sacrificing myself. On a Sunday I'd go swimming first thing. Then DH would bring the DC. I'd play with the DC in the pool whilst he got his laps in. It was brilliant.

Automate as much as possible, e.g. food shopping. I now live in a country where there is no internet delivery (supermarket or otherwise) and it is so time consuming.

Stop buying things online (I know this contradicts above). I realised that I was spending a lot of time 1) choosing what to buy/checking it was the best price available etc, 2) picking up parcels from the post office, 3) getting rid of packaging, 4) finding space for new object, and sometimes 5) filling in forms to send item back, printing labels and taking back to post office.

Since moving overseas where internet buying just isn't possible, its so freeing! I don't buy as much cos it involves a bigger inital effort (driving to shops and spending time looking around). So my house is less cluttered and is easier to clean and keep tidy. Win win!

@Ritt yes, very true

my dad worked eight hours per day so had every evening to pursue his love of cycling. My mum worked part-time her whole life and sat down at 6pm every evening to relax…if we wanted anything to eat we had to make some toast for ourselves. Her working day, as a mum and housewife, ended at 6pm

and yes, we walked everywhere as kids - no lifts to school (four miles away) no activities as money was tight - so less for our parents to do

it is very different now

@CrispsnDips

And no Social Media making everyone envious of other people’s lives.

My kids already say this about school, college and university sometimes. I don’t have the heart to tell them this is it and guess what, work hours are longer than education hours 😫

Yes I do find it a treadmill. But equally, I really enjoy routine and have worked hard to shape my life the way I want it to be. I never thought I'd have a DH or DC, and the humdrum of family life can sometimes be quite soothing and make me realise how lucky I am.

I work hard to make sure there are parts of life I really enjoy too, to make the mundane worthwhile. A bit like it's worth healthy eating all month to then go to a slap up meal!

This post gives me anxiety thinking about my life pre-covid and how burnt out I was spinning that hamster wheel leaving the house at 7am returning at 7pm with three under 10.

Not trying to gloat in any way but others have asked for views from people who don't feel like this so thought I'd share my routines. I appreciate not all can be applicable to everyone though.

• 60/40 share of jobs with DH. Would probably be an equal split if I lowered my standards
• one load of washing every weekday. I don't touch laundry at the weekend.
• dishwasher and tumble dryer
• clean kitchen every night without fail
• one other task in the evening I.e. vacuuming
• every time I leave the room I take something with me to put it back where it belongs
• make my bed every day, seems daft but it sets the tone for the day
• don't put things off. If it's a five min job I do it there and then. Any longer I put it in my diary for when I know I have spare time
• tell DH to do something 🤣 seriously though, I think I used to want to do everything myself
• plan out chores on a weekly basis in a diary
• moderated alcohol - being hungover just means i don't keep on top of the housework and exercise and then I fall back into bad habits. If I have a big night planned I do as much as I can beforehand

These wont apply to everyone

• 100% WFH means I can do small jobs around the house during the day. I.e fold laundry while waiting for kettle to boil. I also have extra time with no commute.
• I make use of flexible arrangements at work so i work an extra hour a day and then take a full day flexi every 2 weeks. I use this day to do a bigger job that needs doing like cleaning the oven.

This has been a huge work in progress over a 15 year period. My house isn't perfect and super clean but I'm in a much better position than I was years ago. Some would have considered me living in squalor by todays standards if they saw my house a few years ago 🤣

One final thought though, give yourself a break. You're doing your best, your kids/pets etc are fed and looked after, nobody died and the washing up will still be there tomorrow and nobody will die if it is.

Life can be quite monotonous & then you die so I don’t spend my life doing chores. I have a cleaner but have low standards eg hardly ever iron. For me to break up the week I like to see friends & family so I prioritise that over exercise for example. DH & I try to go out together every 2/3 weeks eg dinner, cinema etc it makes life more fun for me!

It's only in recent times that women choose and/or are obliged to squeeze in caring for their children and home and selves and aging relatives and hobbies and holidays around FT paid employment. It's just not reasonable, but it's very often necessary.

this ignores the fact that generations ago the SAHM spent far more time doing chores because there wasn’t washing machines etc.

I hear you. I'm permanently shattered, more so since work decided to force me to start an hour earlier from this month for no apparent reason. Yes I finish earlier as well, but I'm too tired to do much by then, and need to be in bed by 10pm to facilitate the early wake-up. My morning exercise and cleaning routine has been shot to pieces, and I feel like I have no life.

Things that help: robot hoover, dishwasher, DH dealing with all bill payments and bins, cleaning windows and a few other tasks I hate!

Agree life is lived at far too intense a pace today and it's very bad for us... but not sure what the answer is.