to think life is a bit of a treadmill?

[thehoot100]

What with getting up, making breakfast, making yourself presentable, making beds, getting out to work, or setting up to work from home, making dinner cleaning up, doing washings, sorting washings, ironing what needs ironed, going to the gym or getting in some kind of exercise, cleaning and organising the house, getting the food shop in, putting it all away, then when kids come into the equation even more stuff has to be done on a daily basis.

If your lucky you get to sit down at 9 or 10 pm for a cup of tea and a tv show or your book but then you have to be going to bed soon because then you need to get up and do it all again tomorrow!

I know people say oh just leave it, lower your standards but I don't feel mine are that high to begin with but if I don't get a washing on at least every other day I fall behind and then struggle to catch up with it all. I am by nature very sedentary and so I need to get out and exercise at least 4 times a week otherwise I'm a wheezing blob. If the house gets too bad then it just overwhelms me and cooking healthy food is a priority for me for my health. I honestly feel like just looking after a home and yourself could be a fulltime job!

Would your husband or partner write the same description of his life, OP?

You're right - but when was there ever an expectation that women (1) earn an equal salary (2) bear children (3) care for and pay for their fair share of home and bills (4) care for aging relatives (5) look a certain way (6) maintain fitness and physical and mental health, in addition to general expectations of what life "should" hold: weddings, holidays, well educated children, an interesting social life, and so on.

Dont a lot of women put this pressure on themselves though? I have colleagues who spend all their spare time cleaning, why? Other one never comes for work drinks/meals because she goes to the gym 6 days a week but she complains she has no social life.

I'm interested to know if there's anyone on here who has kids, works etc and who doesnt feel like this? Has anyone nailed it? Is anyone out there smashing this? If so please report back.

I feel good most of the time but I think a large part of that is seeing friends a lot. I work p/t & have flexi hours. DH is hybrid & does a lot at home & we outsource eg Mindful Chef etc

Life is just a list of jobs !

@KarateSchnitzel I feel like I do most of this really, I do tell DH to do things although his taking a bit of initiative wouldn't go amiss. I do work for myself but as I'm an artist it can be dirty, messy work and so I have a separate studio and only really work from home if I am just doing research or admin stuff so I can't WFH fulltime. I do have routines, I plan and I don't drink any alcohol at all. I suppose working from home all the time is probably a big help.

I mean yes, I get the hamster wheel thing but I don't feel like my life is quite as monotonous and that's with a busy FT job and 2 DC (6 and 9). I mostly wfh which maybe helps as it doesn't take much for me to chuck a wash on or hoover a floor or go for a walk to pick up some food during the day. I'm talking taking the odd 30 min break rather than taking the piss! My working hours are 7.30 to 5.30 four days a week so DH tends to do school runs on his way to and from the office. DH does most of the cooking too.
There's no one in during the day aside from me so the house genuinely doesn't get that messy and I probably also have lower standards. Don't iron for example.

Would you have time for a hobby OP? Or an evening class, even online? It can make life much more interesting and less of a hamster wheel.

I agree, even though I don't work ft and do some nice things in my free time such as exercise and see friends. I just feel like every day there is a to do list and it never ends. Even if I get all the things done, there will be more tomorrow.

I would love more leisure time, or more money to free up leisure time (eg by getting a cleaner).

I had 2 weeks off over Xmas and it was heaven to not have to do the school and work treadmill every day. But now I've been back a couple of weeks, I am already falling behind and feel like I need a break.

I would say most of my friends (late 40s) feel the same and we have late primary/early secondary kids so not even the apparently difficult ages! I had more energy when my kids were tiny, even though they were more physically demanding. Now I'm just emotionally drained!

@Xmasbaby11 All sounds very familiar to me! People say not to worry leave the washing, hoovering or whatever until tomorrow but then its just extra to do the next day so I just prefer to get it all done if its on my list for that day.

@Evaka I feel pretty lucky to do what I love for a job and I do sometimes take classes but its usually to help with my work, to learn a new skill, I do enjoy doing that but I suppose it would help to do something totally different for a mental break.

I'm keeping things as simple as I can.

*Declutter everything then there's less in your way!

*Use wipes to clean up/dust if in a hurry.

*I Iron only when need to wear it. The rest is folded and put in basket or put away.

*Delegate ,dump or defer.

*Make lists and update them as you go.

A lot of life is the mundane stuff, washing dishes, laundry, looking for my socks sort of stuff.

Then there are the nicer things like coffee with friends, great tv programme, board games

Then there are the holidays, the fab days out, the get togethers that are wonderful

Then there is real love of all varieties and huge events like weddings and births.

What you have to do is whilst doing the mundane stuff is do it efficiently and make it less mundane, listen to great music, I make phone calls when I’m doing non noisy tasks and my mate and I FaceTime each other whilst prepping dinner sometimes.

Get a dishwasher. And a tumble dryer. Also get a robot vacuum cleaner.! There's also robot mops. Cook a big batch in a slow cooker and freeze. Home delivery on groceries. Let machines do the donkey work.

Absolutely

All bed and work

I think I read being a mum is the equivalent of 2.5 jobs.

Yes I find term time a real slog, maybe it's January making it feel relentless at the moment but it's currently

Get up
Get myself and kids ready for school/work
Drop kids off
Go to work
Pick kids up from club
Home - do kids daily homework tasks
Tidy/ clean as needed
Make dinner
Bath and bed for kids
Watch traitors
Go to bed.

It's boring 😂

I agree - but I also married someone who does half of you've mentioned. I find it astonishing the number of posts on mumsnet where the women work and they still do everything in the home.
We also have a cleaner who is worth her weight in gold. I don't iron (unless it's a very special occasion) and my house is fairly messy.
But I'm happy and sit down and chill out every evening.

Yes but I thin I struggle with procrastination a lot as well. I work part time and am a single parent. I do have a couple of non working days when kids are at school but sometimes I just sit there so exhausted and overwhelmed that nothing gets done. What does get done doesn’t even put a dent in what needs doing. I do actually have some volunteer work on my non working days some weeks or work from actual work to catch up on occasionally.

How do people manage with washing clothes daily. I’d have clothes permanently around the house drying. I do al washing on a weekend and iron on a Sunday night. Can’t not iron. The informs would look awful. I have a washer free combi so only dry undies and towels. Everything else goes on radiators but dries with creases. Getting the kids to then out their washing away is a challenge. The basket of folded clothes has been st on the landing since on day now and still full. The ironed clothes are still hanging on the dining chairs but they grab things daily to wear from that. I insisted over Xmas clothes were all put away.

I keep watching fb reels of people doing times which cleans or having daily lists and it all looks great. I get short bursts now and again but never constantly.

It can certainly feel like that sometimes.
I got a cleaner which has helped massively (not expensive!) and I don’t iron a thing.
I always overcook so I can freeze portions of things so I have that buffer for days I don’t want to/have time to cook.

But also, mindset is a huge thing. Your list is truthful but even just reading it made my exhausted. Start the day with a gratitude list and really push yourself to be positive about day to day life. It is hard and it takes practice to make it habitual but it does work.
Instead of feeling overwhelmed with the amount of washing remind yourself how lucky you are to have a working washing machine, how lucky you are to have little clothes to wash, instead of seeing a stubborn mud stain on their trousers smile at the fun they must have had getting the stain. Instead of finding setting up for work a chore be grateful you are able to work and that you have a job/income.
instead of stressing over the school run be glad they go off to school happily and have friends.

In time it becomes habitual and you will find you smile more through the day.

or

run away to a desert island 😊

I send my ironing out
And I only work til 3 most days so I have extra time to cook or clean when I get in.

Do about 40 loads of washing at the weekend so that helps!

I've just asked work to go down to 4 days a week as it's a struggle getting things done. We have a farm too so there is always something to do!

People tend to wash clothes far more frequently now they have washing machines. Actual time spent doing laundry has gone up on average. Plus you have to spend more time earning money to pay for the washing machine!

We have four kids - the youngest is a baby.

My husband is a stay at home parent. I really don't understand how people manage without one. I was a single parent for a time and I had a lot of support from my parents in terms of wraparound care.

I don't think the current setup works. I am not advocating a return to the days of women having to stay at home, but I do think too many women now are having to do a double shift, I.e. full work day and then the bulk of the house/kid stuff. Partners should definitely be pulling their weight.

Best system I had (and we want to return to) is each parent working part time and sharing the home duties.

Housing prices are out of control- what was affordable for previous generations is not affordable for us. We are on a treadmill and it's awful, I agree.

I feel like I'm managing to nail things but do have time and resource. What I do is

• cleaner
• batch cook at weekends for the next few weeks
• groceries delivered
• ironing board out in dressing room and iron what is needed in morning. 5 mins max.
• ensure everyone tidies up their stuff
• drop standards
• exercise with DD eg martial arts together
• don't watch TV
• secured WFH role
• meal plan for easy food
• Read up on stoicism.
• remove things that don't align with goals or who I want to be.

I think you have have to prioritise what is important to you. I decided to stop making life harder for myself. DC do clubs etc., but it needs to be walkable, so they can get themselves there and back. I will occasionally deign to offer a lift in poor weather, but it is not the default. When they were smaller, I chose things that suited me - like near the supermarket so I could get the shop done and have a coffee while they were occupied, or in the leisure centre so I could have a swim while they were in class. Opted for private 1-2-1 swimming lessons so they learnt quicker and I didn't spend years in group swimming lesson hell (it worked out much cheaper too). Schools are in walking distance, DS considered a sixth form further away, but didn't fancy the bus journey.

I cook mostly from scratch, but nothing laborious. Slow cooker, often double or triple recipes and freeze for another day. Bread machine and milkman mean I only need to shop once a week which I get delivered. Sometimes I add things to my milk order the night before, rather than do a "top up" shop. I have a 6 week meal plan so don't need to think too much - each week is saved in ocado and I add all to basket then delete a few bits I don't need and add a few others. It takes five minutes, then 10 minutes putting it away when it arrives.

House is not perfect, but floors are clear and the rest is tidy enough. I tend to do a quick go round the bathrooms when I am in one. Tried to get a cleaner, but it seems less effort just to occasionly do a bit of cleaning. My mother would be horrified, so I tend to meet her elsewhere. I don't touch kids bedrooms once they hit 10 (age of criminal responsibility). I do occasionally go in there and open the windows while they are at school and have a no food in bedrooms rule.

I aim to do a wash every week day if there are things to wash. Line dry in the garden or garage. No ironing, but I dry shirts on hangers and occasionally hang them in the shower if looking creased. I don't sort washing, I just fill a trug, stick it in the machine with powder and press go. I do an extra spin afterwards, then hang up which takes 5 mins per load.

There is no reason to live in a hamster wheel. Different ball game if you have disabled children I would image though!

This is a classic example of why parents are struggling now.

My childhood was similar, dad worked full time. Mum didn't work until we were older then went part time. She did house. I played out. Their jobs ended when they left work for the day.

not to mention all the life admin?

Haircuts,
Dentist,
Doctors.