Have I been a cf friend

[Tinseltiss]

My best friend had 5 boyfriends last year the last one she got with in December and stays with her and her 2 under 2s every night since they met online. I made a comment and now everyone has turned against me saying I was skating her parenting. I actually think she’s an amazing mum but she doesn’t know this guy it’s not even been a month since they met. Should I have not said anything and am I cf I just want her children to be happy she says she’s a better mum but I was abused as a child and think a month is no where near enough time

I would say something and she's not an amazing mum.

An amazing mum protects their child and she isn't doing this.

Simple.

Just because he may not end up abusing them, doesn't mean the emotional impact of a revolving door of men isn't incredibly traumatic for the children.

An amazing mum doesn't let a stranger from the internet around her kids within a month.

That's a shit mother.

Who did you comment to? Your friend, or to others?

She's not an amazing mum. She's not protecting her children from a parade of random men.

Your friend needs counselling. Five boyfriends in a year… I take it that meant she slept with them all?

She’s suffering from low self esteem and thinks that the love from a man can “fix” her.

She needs to learn to love herself first or else she won’t have any boundaries- which is currently self-evident by her behaviour.

Desperate is the word I would use. Desperate to be loved. Desperate to feel of some use to someone. How tragic.

She will just be used again and again until she learns that she must have boundaries and not set her standards so low. Sex is not love.

Yes you are a CF.
If CF stands for Concerned Friend. Rightly so.

I messaged my friend privately to say children need stability and she told people and that one of the biggest cause of mental health issues with children is step parents changing a lot. I wasn’t being unkind and I’m probably a bit insecure to my past just wanted to advise she slowed it down.

Did you say something to her or just your other friends? She’s not an amazing mum.

I messaged her this morning and my other friend rang me a hour later to say I had really upset her. I just feel guilty but it was eating me up by not saying something.

You know she’s not an amazing mum. Come on.

She's not an amazing mum. Maybe your message will bring her to her senses and she'll become an adequate mum.

How has everyone turned against you that quickly? Maybe you just need to let the dust settle, some others will probably agree.

You upset her because you hit a nerve because she knows you're correct in what you're saying.

It's extremely unhealthy & selfish what she's doing to her children. I'd honestly step back from this friendship.

Nothing cheeky about it.
unless CF is concerned friend as per @BruceAndNosh

I have never met her and am quite comfortable saying I think she sounds like a fucking terrible mother.

Even if she acts like Miss Rachel 24 hours a day it is totally unacceptable and grossly irresponsible to introduce a man she doesn’t know at the speed she has to her babies.

We all wonder about the people who see things happening to children but say nothing. Well, you said something and you were right. It is not a good situation and it's not right for children to be put in that position. Even if everyone stays angry with you, sometimes you have to say what you see.

I phased out a friendship over similar reasons. I just can’t be around that.

I'm trying to work out how she's got 2 under 2 (so youngest must be a year) and she's had 5 boyfriends. She's obviously a fast/efficient worker!

Those poor children

The truth hurts.

You are not a CF.

You are a very good friend who cares about her and, more importantly, her kids.

It is a shame she is too selfish and immature to value you.

I wouldn't be critical of somebody in a message like that. That's the sort of thing needs to be said in person so that you can explain yourself and get some nuance across. Otherwise it just comes across like you sent a message saying "You're a shit mum". I can see why she's upset.

She's not an amazing mum letting complete strangers into the house with her children. However posting on social media wasn't the way forward either

I agree that you upset her because deep down she knows you are right. If you weren't, it would be easy for her to ignore your comment.

I would contact her again and say you know that she is upset and you didn't intend that, but you do advise extreme caution and that she should consider the impact her behaviour is having on her children.

A decent man would understand that a mother of young children's top priority has to be her children. If he doesn't understand that, she is better off without him.

I didn’t post it I text her well I messaged her on messenger we talk everyday and she was making a comment about her kids asking what time her new man was home and I replied saying in all honesty I think they need stability a hour later I got a phone call from another friend and I was removed from out WhatsApp group chat 😂😂 which did make me laugh

I don’t agree with introducing this man to her children so quickly, but I don’t understand the pearl clutching around the idea of sex. She’s an adult, she’s allowed to have sex with -gasp- how ever many men she wants to, with absolutely no bearing on her self esteem. Maybe she isn’t looking for love! Sex is fun, it doesn’t mean she’s being ‘used’, for goodness sake.