Have I been a cf friend

[Tinseltiss]

My best friend had 5 boyfriends last year the last one she got with in December and stays with her and her 2 under 2s every night since they met online. I made a comment and now everyone has turned against me saying I was skating her parenting. I actually think she’s an amazing mum but she doesn’t know this guy it’s not even been a month since they met. Should I have not said anything and am I cf I just want her children to be happy she says she’s a better mum but I was abused as a child and think a month is no where near enough time

Gosh, I haven’t read that stat in the link as it’s rather long.. but that’s staggering. You did the right thing op in telling her. Sadly there isn’t much you can do.

You HONESTLY believe she’s an amazing mum!? What exactly does she do that makes her ‘amazing?’

That's just what I was about to post. A message is a terrible way to say something like this.

If you wanted to address something like that, it needs to be done tactfully, face to face, at the right time and place, and with the help of tone of voice, facial expression and body language.

You have no idea where she was when she got that message.

I was once sent a message like that. It was absolutely dreadful, and caused a stress reaction that made it impossible for me to deal with it rationally. I just immediately felt threatened, defensive and angry. I'm still not over it years later.
Had that person been chatting with me over coffee and brought the subject up in a more natural and gentle way, at a pertinent point in our general conversation, I might have actually taken what she said on board. But she took the coward's way, and the message came through to me at the worst possible moment.

Just to reiterate that she is a poor excuse for a parent.

I hope she goes off and introspects before she damages those poor children.

Unless you have evidence that the men are a risk to the children or her, she is in charge of her own family's safeguarding. For reference: NHS Level 3 courses for Safeguarding children or adults (I have taken them). If you do, you would be in a legal obligation to call an emergency service, either police or ambulance, as you do when you see anyone who could be a risk to themselves or others.
For reference mothers are, unless deprived legally, the main parent who can give consent for children medical treatment (if the child agrees too), the father cannot if they are not married. 16-18 years old can consent to, say, a Covid vaccination.

As usual, the first post nails everything that needs to be said

Of course, she is upset. You have said something she didn't want to hear, but that she knows is true.

@Tinseltiss there is a name for women like her!!!

Sleazy sleazy and dangerous sleazy

Stop focusing on the sex. Sex with 5 different men is fine. Not for you, but fine for other people.

The moving in comments i agree with. The sex ones are horrendously judgemental

No way, your definitely not wrong. Its wrong to bring in men to meet your kids when you dont even know him!! He could be a child molester or abuser OBVIOUSLY he still could after a long time but its more likely to happen if you have men coming in every few months or being allowed to move right on in after a month.

this

The way you did it is appalling. In that context! That was just not thoughtful at all.
if you were truly concerned you would have brought it up appropriately in person, not just a throw away text in the middle of a conversation randomly out of the blue.

Yes I was thinking this, although to be fair there are plenty of women like this around.

She's not an amazing mum, she's a shit mum.

You weren't wrong. Your friend is a crap mum and is putting her children at risk for a shag. Deep down she knows this hence her reaction.

Of course you are not wrong. I am the same, i need to say the truth when it comes to bad choices that effect or can potentially effect or damage kids.

When your other friend rang saying you had really upset your other friend, what did she say, does she agree at letting the new fella stay over or just thinks you should not have voiced an opinion ?

But too many people think we 'mustn't judge'.

Which would be...?

sleeping with five men in a year does not require counselling.

she needs to be careful, there’s men who go after women with young children purely to gain access to the children…argh.

This is what you've applied to this thread from your "level 3" course?

Ask for more training.

Setting aside the issue at hand...

Anyone else on this thread amused to find out that having sex with 5 men in a year is outrageous harlot behaviour that means you are desperate for love?

Wasn't aware I could 'give my body away', as far as I've checked, mines still attached...

https://news.sky.com/story/amp/gonorrhoea-and-syphilis-sti-diagnoses-in-england-hit-record-levels-latest-figures-show-12897307

Drug resistant gonorrhoea is rising rapidly. I don’t find that amusing.

And STIs hit an all time high in 2023.