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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have I been a cf friend

87 replies

Tinseltiss · 17/01/2024 12:37

My best friend had 5 boyfriends last year the last one she got with in December and stays with her and her 2 under 2s every night since they met online. I made a comment and now everyone has turned against me saying I was skating her parenting. I actually think she’s an amazing mum but she doesn’t know this guy it’s not even been a month since they met. Should I have not said anything and am I cf I just want her children to be happy she says she’s a better mum but I was abused as a child and think a month is no where near enough time

OP posts:
JaffaCake24 · 17/01/2024 16:30

a222 · 17/01/2024 14:12

sleeping with five men in a year does not require counselling.

I disagree.

Find out what you want.

Stop exposing your body to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you. They could be a walking disease trap.

Yuck.

Get an STI check first.

I doubt somehow OPs friend bothered with all five men.

Just hop into bed with the first man that says “you’ve got nice eyes”.

Boundaries are so low in the country.

CatMadam · 17/01/2024 17:07

JaffaCake24 · 17/01/2024 16:30

I disagree.

Find out what you want.

Stop exposing your body to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you. They could be a walking disease trap.

Yuck.

Get an STI check first.

I doubt somehow OPs friend bothered with all five men.

Just hop into bed with the first man that says “you’ve got nice eyes”.

Boundaries are so low in the country.

Why are you so upset that some women enjoy sex?

JaffaCake24 · 17/01/2024 17:32

That’s hilarious. Just because I don’t want to give it out to five random strangers per year I don’t like sex?

I enjoy sex very much but not with any Tom, Dick or Harry.

You’re welcome to of course.

CatMadam · 17/01/2024 17:48

@JaffaCake24 i assume that’s aimed at me? I don’t think it’s hilarious at all, I think it’s very sad that you judge women so harshly. The language you use regarding sex is really telling, and is why I assumed you didn’t enjoy it. ‘Give it out’, suggesting women are ‘used’ or that they have no self respect if they enjoy casual sex. It’s totally fine that you don’t enjoy casual sex, but there’s really no need to put those who do down- it’s actually very immature behaviour. Anyway, I don’t want to derail the thread any more, so I’m out- I hope you have a nice evening!

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 17/01/2024 19:23

There was a certain case sentenced last week of a mum moving in with Internet man and that ended very badly...
You were correct. If everyone thinks not, find new friends.

JaffaCake24 · 17/01/2024 19:51

But that’s exactly it @CatMadam She is being used. The fact that five men have moved on from her shows she’s just laying it all out for anyone who shows her a crumb of interest in her.

Casual sex can be a sign you don’t value yourself at all.

She’s using her body to try and be loved. To find love. Sometimes it works. Often it doesn’t. Five suggests it’s not working. And have there been others in between?

If what she wants is a long term committed partner which is what most people aspire to have, then sleeping with every single man you go on a date with could give you self esteem issues. Or underline the fact you have them already.

Casual sex when you feel confident in who you are, have strong values and good boundaries can be excellent.

My point is that the casual sex she’s having looks like low self esteem sex where she hopes someone will see her value because she can’t.

The fact she’s moved in someone very early is just more evidence of a poor sense of self, a poor level of judgment and poor sense of her own true needs and values.

She thinks having a relationship will make her feel good but it looks like her values and set up are all wrong: look at what she’s done compromising the safety of her kids. She needs help to set safe boundaries around men, sex and her kids.

CatMadam · 17/01/2024 20:11

JaffaCake24 · 17/01/2024 19:51

But that’s exactly it @CatMadam She is being used. The fact that five men have moved on from her shows she’s just laying it all out for anyone who shows her a crumb of interest in her.

Casual sex can be a sign you don’t value yourself at all.

She’s using her body to try and be loved. To find love. Sometimes it works. Often it doesn’t. Five suggests it’s not working. And have there been others in between?

If what she wants is a long term committed partner which is what most people aspire to have, then sleeping with every single man you go on a date with could give you self esteem issues. Or underline the fact you have them already.

Casual sex when you feel confident in who you are, have strong values and good boundaries can be excellent.

My point is that the casual sex she’s having looks like low self esteem sex where she hopes someone will see her value because she can’t.

The fact she’s moved in someone very early is just more evidence of a poor sense of self, a poor level of judgment and poor sense of her own true needs and values.

She thinks having a relationship will make her feel good but it looks like her values and set up are all wrong: look at what she’s done compromising the safety of her kids. She needs help to set safe boundaries around men, sex and her kids.

Agree to disagree :)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/01/2024 21:46

That’s not what a CF is. A CF is someone who, for example, tries to get something for nothing out of their friend, or assumes they can have it - lifts, childcare, money etc

She saying what, that you’re a nosy fucker - that you’re getting involved in her business?

I don’t agree anyway - I think you’re being a good friend and rightly looking out for her and her children.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/01/2024 21:48

Also, enjoying sex is one thing. Bringing men your barely know into your children’s home is an entirely other thing. Very irresponsible and dangerous.

a222 · 18/01/2024 08:38

JaffaCake24 · 17/01/2024 16:30

I disagree.

Find out what you want.

Stop exposing your body to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you. They could be a walking disease trap.

Yuck.

Get an STI check first.

I doubt somehow OPs friend bothered with all five men.

Just hop into bed with the first man that says “you’ve got nice eyes”.

Boundaries are so low in the country.

are you telling me i need an STI check? WTF 😂

also how do you know that the woman who has slept with five men (shocking!!!) didn’t use protection? or are you going off your own experience?

hmm i might not hop in bed if he said i had nice eyes…i prefer it when they comment on my posterior.

MrsMarzetti · 18/01/2024 09:00

anotherday11 · 17/01/2024 13:16

You said this guy stays with her and her 2 babies - has he actually moved into her place?

If she has 2 under 2, who was looking after the babies whilst she was out dating these 5 guys? Her mum? Her ex? Are they happy with the situation?

She isn't dating them, she talks to them online and no doubt moves them in within days or weeks. I have worked with many mothers that do this, even if S/S have banned the man for having any unsupervised contact with their own children, some women ignore the fact or believe whatever lies they are told.

Hankunamatata · 18/01/2024 09:04

She sounds unstable. That's not an amazing mum

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