To think we need to find a way to infiltrate the dog cult?

[dogsdilemma]

I'll start by saying I favour cats but love all animals. I don't want a dog just now because I find them tying. Would date someone who had one because, contrary to what I'm about to say, I like them and it wouldn't be my responsibility.

But the obsession drives me nuts. It seems no one can own a dog in a normal way anymore. As in I have a dog, the dog is a pet not a person, dogs aren't god-like solve all creatures, it's fine if not everyone loves my dog as much as me - like I am with my cat.

Someone gets a puppy and I go to their house - all conversation is about the puppy and I'm expected to fuss like they've just given birth. I can't say 'ah I've actually come to catch up with my friend, not have endless chat about the puppy's sleep schedule and whether or not it shat in the house today' because their dogs are their babies, so I should treat them as such.

Instagram accounts for dogs - captions written like 'my mum took me for a walk today, I had so much fun'. Only mildly cringy but wtf? Are you a springer spaniel mother or Katie from uni?

I do an exercise class and the owner has a puppy. She brings him along so he's not home alone. At least 15 minutes of the session I've paid for is always taken up by the hive mind fussing the puppy. Everyone loves dogs so no one minds apparently - except I DO mind. If I say this though I'm gonna be the dick.

I'm OLD, and every other profile says 'must love dogs'. I do love them but don't want one, and if I say this it's like I've confessed to being Hitler in a past life. Cue messages trying to change my mind, as though not being obsessed with dogs is a moral failure. I love my cat but wouldn't rule out someone who doesn't feel the same?

The final nail in the coffin. I've been dating someone new. Had an absolute shitter of a week so far - nothing he can help with, not really serious, just work stuff. His response is 15 pictures of his dog being cute to cheer me up. He's just trying to be nice but I do not get it. I wouldn't expect pictures of my cat to cheer anyone up except, maybe, me. I'm being narky but I actually found it so so irritating and cannot even fake enthusiasm to reply. If I say 'awwww cute, thank you' he'll continue with this approach. If I say 'cute but why would your dog cheer me up ha' I'm gonna look like a knob.

I have no problem with others doing what they want to do but recently it is infiltrating everything. I know there are worse issues but ffs it's so annoying - what is this dog cult and how to we stop it? Can I tell this lovely man I'm dating that I actually have little interest in his dog?!?!?

a voice of reason!!

But your cat visits other people's houses - shit in their garden and torments their dog. The fucking cats around our neighbourhood are an absolute pest.

Yes I think YABU.

I got a dog after my son died.

He is a joyful positive thing in my life.

He doesn't have his own Instagram account, or outfits, and he does get washed with a hose.

But I am going to talk about him because the rest of my life is an absolute bin fire.

I love seeing pictures of people's dogs and they do cheer me up. It's a sweet thing to do, even if you don't appreciate it.

I get it might not be your thing, but plenty of people bore on about their jobs, or their holidays or their house renovations

You don't sound like you like dogs at all, or people very much.

I agree! I have a dog but he is a working dog and has a job to do, he is a member of our family but as a pet, he is not treated like a human but like a dog, he is the bottom of the pecking order, as he should be.
I hate that every cafe or restaurant I go to has dogs everywhere, dogs going all around my legs because they 'just want to say hello' no thanks, not everyone wants to be covered in your dogs hair while I'm trying to eat. My dog is not aloud to behave like that, he wants until he is asked to come and be petted.

Yes.

And the idea of taking them into offices is just silly. Also letting them into shops. So the staff who already work there just have to lump it, or find another job - not so easy in retail where they seem to be allowed everywhere but supermarkets (and I imagine it's only a matter of time until they're allowed in there too).

If you work for the Dog's Trust - fine. if it's eg a law firm, not fine (unless maybe your major client is the Dog's Trust :) )

It's interesting how this works with the whole "get back to the office you lazy homeworkers" too. If you want people to come into the office, you can't allow dogs. Although I suppose people will argue the opposite - if you want people in the office they "have" to bring their dogs.

Basically if you want a dog you need to pay for doggy daycare/dog walking where necessary. Think about it in advance.

Also, nobody minds a well behaved dog that sits under the table in a cafe and doesn't bark or hassle people.

It's the dog owners who think everyone should love their pet and are too lazy to train them properly who are annoying.

@cornishone

I am so sorry to hear about your son. What an absolutely horrific thing to go through! I simply cannot imagine! You talk about your dog all you want! Pets can bring enormous comfort and moments of joy to pierce the pain. Xx

My theory about this, especially all the referring to a dog as a baby, being a dog mum etc is possibly controversial.

Birth rates are dropping pretty much everywhere, people aren't having kids at all or much later. There is an online narrative around parenting that is generally negative, and people are much less willing to 'give up' their current lifestyle/men are less willing to commit. I think it's all downstream of the sexual revolution which wasn't all good (lots good, but unexpected side effects too). There's also financial reasons these days.

But the human nurturing instinct remains, and people are projecting it onto their dogs.

I say this as someone who has and loves dogs.

OP you come across as very unhappy and angry over something that really isn't a big deal, if this is not a temporary thing, if it isn't a mental health thing, if you are permanently angry over the dog ownership cult, I think you should let your partner know how you feel and be a bit more honest with him.

@cornishone I'm so sorry about your son, I'm glad your dog helps. We bring our dog to visit my MIL who is housebound - the joy she gets in spending time with him is immeasurable - dogs can be such a comfort.

I think what I've learnt from this thread is that some people are capable of not being extreme, whilst others evidently aren't.

I agree with a PP - you can love something without wanting it to consume your life.
Do you seriously think that because I don't want everything in life to be about my cat, I don't love her???

Again point proven - some of you just won't believe that I love animals, like dogs, only because I don't want everything to revolve around them. I'm not dedicated enough to the cult leader.

So I've been called disingenuous, performative, fake - I'm literally none of those things btw but you can have your opinions. I happen to think some of you are insane

I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope the dog continues to be of great comfort x

HALLELUJAH. YES!
Add to the list; when you go for a run and a dog runs at you/after you and the owners either have no recall or don’t even attempt to try. They smile and find it funny/cute. NO. Get your dog away from me. They think everyone loves their dog like they do. It’s really annoying.

Wow, was just talking to my DH about this today. I used to love dogs too, but not anymore. I guess like anything ... now there are too many, they are everywhere! Amd I'm really against them in eating establishments, that's just disgusting and I don't understand how that's allowed from a hygiene perspective. My local now very often will have someone who can't control their dog and there is constant barking. I'm so over it. Hopefully they'll all die soon enough and people won't bother to get another one as the novelty would've worm off

Yes because I was having a terrible day & this flippant 'here's pictures of my dog' rather than any substance pushed me over the edge.

I've been noticing all this for a while & saying nothing.

But I did tell him that I didn't really 'get' the pictures of the dog... aaaand now I'm being slow faded. So this thread now serves very little purpose!

I agree with you OP as a dog owner myself. I hate the instagram accounts, i like my own dogs but not interested in other people's so pictures of their dog would do nothing to cheer me up. I dont expect anyone else to like my dogs.

Some dog owners are great, some aren't.

Some cat owners are great and some think cats rule the world and are batshit.

We are all different. If it bothers you that much seek out new people who love cats and dislike dogs which you appear to, although you say otherwise, you clearly resent them.

I had the good fortune to find out as a child that I was allergic to dogs. This was a perfect cast-iron excuse to avoid houses where dogs lived and ask people not to bring their dogs when they came to spend time with me.
Since I’ve always had to avoid them for health reasons I never developed any interest in them at all and I just can’t empathise at all with people who love them.
Every time I see a person with a dog I genuinely pity how restrictive their life must be, having to walk it, pick up its poo and find someone to look after it when they want to go on holiday (or even out to work).

I feel great lightness and relief at never having been sucked in.

I’m not keen on them, but I do understand that their owners love them.

Several of my close friends are dog-owners. I’m always polite to the dog for my friend’s sake, will greet him or her verbally but will refrain from touching them until much later on in the get-together when any excitement has worn off - they might get a polite rub on the head at that point. The way I feel about them is how other people might feel about a loose lizard or snake: I don’t want it close to me, find very few of them ‘cute’ and the idea of them makes my skin crawl, so I always change my clothes when I get home. Oh and I feel instinctively afraid if I see an off-lead dog when I’m out walking. No surprises really, as one of my early memories was a sibling coming home bleeding after being bitten by a dog.

So that is how I feel about dogs! People who don’t like dogs are often told to go elsewhere - but the problem is that they are literally everywhere these days!

I think there should be much tougher restrictions around ownership and all dogs of a certain size (or other appropriate guideline) should be muzzled in public.

I'm totally with you.

I like dogs, in a general sense. They are generally in a good mood, happy to see you, everything is their favourite thing, and don't drag their feet about going for a walk.
However, I feel no need to have a dog in my own life. I don't want the hair, the smell, the responsibility or to spend my life walking behind a dog picking up it's poop.

Dogs are dogs, and people are people.

I know people who have never had children who genuinely think their relationship with their animal is as close as a parent /child.

I'll say it again, dogs are dogs, and people are people. It is not good for a dog to be treated like a baby, or to not understand who is in charge and who gets to sleep in the pack leader space.

People in the UK have for a long time been over the top about dogs. And now it's reached crazy levels.

And I agree, if you aren't much of a dog person people seem to think you are morally deficient. No, I just don't want to date you if your dog sleeps in your bed, and I don't want your dog, who is a stranger to me, jumping all over me. I wouldn't want a human stranger jumping all over me either.

When people say 'fur baby' I tend to think 'What are you, 12?'. That is actually insulting to 12 year olds, who are generally really starting to think independently.

There are people equally obsessed with cats, but at least you aren't expected to shower a cat with affection and cats don't jump all over you.

I totally get all of those. I've never liked dogs. I have a phobia, due to an accident when I was a child. Just as I'd started to warm up to dogs, they were everywhere. Work, cafes, pubs, coffee shops. Actual shops. Every street I turn there's a dog. I'm a runner and I hate having to dodge all the dogs that try and lunge at me.
The worst thing is people think you're a psychopath if you admit to disliking dogs. Like you, I adore cats. I'd do anything for a cat. They are so sweet.
I'm just not interested in dogs. I don't want to have to be around them, get photos of them, or talk about them.
I'm partnered but I do sometimes worry that if I was single I'd struggle to find a partner because everyone has dogs and they act like the dog is a part of them and the love me, love my dog attitude.
There's so many unruly dogs where I live and I worry they are going to attack DD and then I can't even complain about it because 'dogs are more important than children' and 'I'd rather have a dog than a child attitude'. We live near some lovely countryside but I avoid it usually because of dogs and their owners. I wish people could be more understanding about why not everyone love dogs.

Thanks for this thread! I don't know what to suggest but you aren't unreasonable nor alone.

Dogs are amazing because they have the purest hearts and just want to love and be loved.
Cats don't give two fucks 🤣

I'm obsessed with my dog but I don't do outfits or special beds or anything.Shes also not allowed in my bed.

I totally and utterly agree with you.
I’m not a dog person. I like them well enough but I’d never get one.
This weird behaviour and slide towards treating animals as if they’re children has actually made me like them less and less. I don’t believe for one moment that it’s healthy for the dog. The number of people on here with dog behaviour issues. Start treating them like dogs and maybe it’ll be better.

I get what you're saying but it really does hit you like a brick when they die.
It's hard to explain.I guess you'll find out in 10 years.

I dislike cats as much as you dislike dogs.

My neighbours cats poo in my garden, dig up my seed beds and chase away birds, killing fledglings. They are awful. They cause lots of problems but we have to tolerate them. I don't get the cat love or owners who let them walk over kitchen surfaces, yuck.

However, my dog does nothing in their garden and doesn't bark etc. I don't take my dog to restaurants or cafes and find fur babies annoying. I don't have dogs in the bed either.