To think we need to find a way to infiltrate the dog cult?

[dogsdilemma]

I'll start by saying I favour cats but love all animals. I don't want a dog just now because I find them tying. Would date someone who had one because, contrary to what I'm about to say, I like them and it wouldn't be my responsibility.

But the obsession drives me nuts. It seems no one can own a dog in a normal way anymore. As in I have a dog, the dog is a pet not a person, dogs aren't god-like solve all creatures, it's fine if not everyone loves my dog as much as me - like I am with my cat.

Someone gets a puppy and I go to their house - all conversation is about the puppy and I'm expected to fuss like they've just given birth. I can't say 'ah I've actually come to catch up with my friend, not have endless chat about the puppy's sleep schedule and whether or not it shat in the house today' because their dogs are their babies, so I should treat them as such.

Instagram accounts for dogs - captions written like 'my mum took me for a walk today, I had so much fun'. Only mildly cringy but wtf? Are you a springer spaniel mother or Katie from uni?

I do an exercise class and the owner has a puppy. She brings him along so he's not home alone. At least 15 minutes of the session I've paid for is always taken up by the hive mind fussing the puppy. Everyone loves dogs so no one minds apparently - except I DO mind. If I say this though I'm gonna be the dick.

I'm OLD, and every other profile says 'must love dogs'. I do love them but don't want one, and if I say this it's like I've confessed to being Hitler in a past life. Cue messages trying to change my mind, as though not being obsessed with dogs is a moral failure. I love my cat but wouldn't rule out someone who doesn't feel the same?

The final nail in the coffin. I've been dating someone new. Had an absolute shitter of a week so far - nothing he can help with, not really serious, just work stuff. His response is 15 pictures of his dog being cute to cheer me up. He's just trying to be nice but I do not get it. I wouldn't expect pictures of my cat to cheer anyone up except, maybe, me. I'm being narky but I actually found it so so irritating and cannot even fake enthusiasm to reply. If I say 'awwww cute, thank you' he'll continue with this approach. If I say 'cute but why would your dog cheer me up ha' I'm gonna look like a knob.

I have no problem with others doing what they want to do but recently it is infiltrating everything. I know there are worse issues but ffs it's so annoying - what is this dog cult and how to we stop it? Can I tell this lovely man I'm dating that I actually have little interest in his dog?!?!?

I didn’t intend to let my dog on the furniture but it turned out that I actually find it lovely to share my bed with my dog, especially in the winter. If one of my friends no longer wanted to see me because of something I do that has absolutely zero impact on them (or anyone else), I’d think they were pretty odd and probably wouldn’t lose sleep over the lost friendship.

Those pesky kids are being replaced by more biddable and controllable beings with their usually easy to get, unconditional but often "cupboard related" love, 😄.

There was a thread on here a while back where OP was on holiday and had booked a table in a restaurant. She asked for a table in the conservatory as the diners had good views of the sea.
After a while, a lady and her dog also sat in the conservatory. Turns out, the restaurant was dog friendly, and the conservatory was the only bit that dogs were allowed in.
OP complained, and the lady and her dog were moved. Dog lady was given a free bottle of wine as compensation for whining OP... then OP then complained that she should have had free wine, not the dog owner. OP and her DH then refused to pay for the wine that they did order.
Then went on a rant about how the conservatory should have been a "premium" dining area, and not for dogs etc

Apparently, her whole holiday was ruined by this event.... and she was not even allergic or scared of dogs.... just didn't like them.

It was entitlement on a batshit level, and her arse was handed to her.

Fortunately these days we're much better educated about animal welfare, have legislation to enforce minimum standards of care, and treat our pets much better than they might have been treated previously. Why do you think this is a bad thing?

He didn't have must love dogs or loads of pictures of the dog on his profile - I was referring to other profiles I've seen.
Believe me if he had I wouldn't have matched with him in the first place. I know I'm not compatible with people obsessed with their dog, treating it like a baby etc.

It's just really irritating to me that it's becoming so common. You see so much of it. And if anything lots of posters on this thread have actually proven my point - I've expressed that I do like dogs several times, that I have been around dogs, that I grew up with dogs. I even used to walk my elderly neighbours dog ffs.

Still I've received responses like 'you obviously hate dogs!! You don't want to be around them! Let him find someone else who will love his dog!'. That's the default attitude I'm experiencing - don't want my life revolving around a dog = dislike them. Somehow not an animal lover. It's bizarre

I agree, those are exactly the steps I would take. The man though because he's being low-effort not because of the pics.

Where I live there are probably more dogs than young children which is worrying.
Many people have two,with matching coats etc. Some of the owners are so entitled too.
I prefer animals to people but bloody hell, your pooch does not need to sit on a bus seat when people are standing. I took task with a woman the other day over this because an older person wanted to sit down.
Dog lady huffed and took mutley onto her lap!

When actually I adore animals. I hand fed a litter of kittens that were abandoned by their mother, in intervals through the night. I kept one - who is my cat.

I'd have done the same if they were puppies that needed help.

Even though I've had my cat from being 2 weeks old, fed her, helped her use the toilet etc, I still know she's a cat - not my baby. I don't expect my friends or dates to be interested in her really. If one of my friends doesn't want to be around her I don't take offense, or conclude 'omg they hate cats'.

Please tell me details. I'm actively looking for a dog friendly hotel for next Christmas.

I always advise my friends not to get a dog, not unless they’ve got lots of adults in their home. And I adore my dog, he sleeps on my bed, he’s always by my side but I can see the drawbacks and whilst my kids are finally growing up (I’m 47 and been a mum since 16) I am now tied down by a dog (one going blind at 6 to add insult to injury). He costs me more than £300 a month. So no I don’t encourage everyone to join the dog cult. But I do secretly think people have never experienced unconditional love until they love a dog. And when you’ve got teens, that waggly butt welcome home is more important than people realise

2 words.
Golden retriever

My stepmum goes on & on about how her adult daughter over-obsesses about the dog. Everything is about the dog (says step-mum).

I barely hear step-sister mention the dog at all. Step-sis spends loads of her time on other things.

Stepmum just doesn't like the dog.

I have had dogs and cats all my life and have never behaved like the arseholes you are describing. They are my pets not my babies. I love them but I wouldn't dream of boring the arse off anyone else by banging on about them.Nothing more boring about hearing about other people’s pets or kids come to that. The pets owners you are describing are general arseholes and if it wasn’t dogs it would be something else.

I think you are entirely reasonable. My whole life is dogs. I have 3 and work with them. I can't help but talk about them. It must be very boring for anyone not in the cult. Sorry OP😀

I didn’t suggest you were a dog hater - I said that if how he communicates with you and what he thinks is important doesn’t resonate with you, you’re not compatible and it’s daft to continue. My post was focussed on your responsibility to yourself, to find people who don’t wind you up as this guy has.

I don’t really understand your problem, to be honest. The world is full of people who won’t be your ideal partner, or won’t be your ideal friend, for all kinds of reasons. The dog thing is clearly an issue for you, which is fine. Other people blacklist friends / potential dates for similarly trivial reasons. But you can’t expect people to change their priorities or beliefs for you.

The vibe I get from your posts is that you want “dog people” to change, because you believe they are “wrong”. You don’t get to make that decision for anyone other than yourself.

There are loads of things about UK dog culture I don’t approve of - like allowing dogs in what I think are dog-inappropriate spaces, poor breeding/training/management of dogs - but I focus on what I can do to change what I can (by avoiding my businesses which don’t do things as I’d like / supporting good breeders / training etc) and leave other people to do whatever dumb things they want, within the law and their own lives.

We had friends drop us when we got a dog. Their loss.

Probably because while you keep insisting you love dogs your behaviour suggests otherwise. I have no idea why someone who claims to be such an avid animal lover as you would be so put off by dogs to the point you're annoyed an OLD even owns one, you're irritated that people want to pet a puppy at an exercise class, and you're annoyed your friend even dares to talk about her new puppy. These are not the responses of someone who genuinely loves dogs! Clearly you don't, which is fine, it's ok not to like dogs, it's ok not to want to date someone who has one, it's ok not to care about your friend's dog, it's just weird you can't admit it. It sounds to me like you're just saying you like animals because you think nice people like animals and you want to be perceived as nice, but in practise you don't actually like them at all.

@PrawnLiberationFront

i like dogs.

I don’t want them in restaurants and cafes and bars. I wouldn’t ever have one sleeping in my bed. The term fur babies makes me wanna vom.

you can like dogs and not want to indulge in any of that.

@YeOldeGreyhound

how do you know he is lovely? Know him personally do you?

Am I the only person who's never heard the term furbabies or similar in real life? Never once have I ever heard a person uttter this out loud, and I work with animals professionally so I'm surrounded by people who adore their pets. I've heard it used in cutesy marketing ads on social media and I've heard people complain about it on mumsnet, but I haven't ever actually heard it in a natural context.

OP said it herself.

Can I tell this lovely man I'm dating that I actually have little interest in his dog?!?!?

Fucking weird thing to be commenting on TBH.

YANBU. I totally agree. I was watching a YouTube video earlier and the girl had just lost her dog and she said losing a dog is just as sad as losing a baby. A HUMAN baby. Now I get that pets become family but it’s absolutely nothing like losing a child. I had/lost many pets and I can tell you it does not compare.

I used to really like dogs but iv actually come to really dislike them because of how OTT people are with them. And the term furbaby 🤢

Meh, I also don’t like dogs in all public spaces and have serious reservations about how they’re kept and handled by a lot of people in the UK. I’ve never called one a “fur baby”, or even heard it used other than in sarcasm.

But I still agree with the PP who says that the OP’s claims don’t really tally with her actions, or how she talks about dogs in generally. And I also agree that it seems disingenuous and like she’s trying to appear “nice” rather than just owning her feelings.

If the OP genuinely loved dogs, I think she would understand that some people are more effusive about their pets than others and people do like to talk about and share photos of their interests, which can include dogs. There’s nothing wrong with that, just as there’s nothing wrong with the OP saying it’s not for her and not getting involved with it.

That's nice. I wasn't talking about you though, I was talking about OP and her reaction to the specific scenarios she described, which didn't include dogs in cafes.

Fortunately for you though there are countless restaurants and cafes and bars out there which still don't allow dogs though so you can just go to those. And of course no one's going to force you to have a dog in your bed so you're fine there.

I agree I like dogs , I grew up with dogs. I loved our family dog but it was an animal , and was treated like an animal it was a pet a pet not a fur baby, not a family member and we certainly never expected anyone else to love or even like it. Some dog owners are bonkers now