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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be disappointed my partner's not invited to my friend's wedding

83 replies

Kappa22 · 15/01/2024 23:13

I've been invited to a close colleague's wedding. We've worked together for many years and been through thick and thin together. I have supported her career during change and layoffs and guided her to opportunities outside of the normal career progression. Similarly, she has witnessed my difficult divorce and seen me try to rebuild my life with two young kids and a new partner. AIBU to be sad and disappointed that she has not included my partner of four years as a plus one? Maybe it doesn't help that last year my partner's colleague in a similar position invited us both to his wedding.

OP posts:
PastorCarrBonarra · 15/01/2024 23:16

If other people from work are going, then you have probably all been invited as a “work gang” minus partners. For financial reasons, maybe.

GenXisthebest · 15/01/2024 23:17

It's a shame but I expect she's trying to keep numbers (and costs) down. How many times has she met your partner?

Didimum · 15/01/2024 23:18

I was about to say you aren’t being unreasonable and that couples are social units, but then I read it’s a colleague … sorry, but I do think that’s the exception. Others may disagree.

Original poster
Kappa22 · 15/01/2024 23:18

PastorCarrBonarra · 15/01/2024 23:16

If other people from work are going, then you have probably all been invited as a “work gang” minus partners. For financial reasons, maybe.

Believe I am the only one from the team

OP posts:
HeidiIeigh · 15/01/2024 23:19

Has anyone from work had a plus one invited? A lot of the time work are invited as work. Or suddenly you've doubled your numbers with a shitload of strangers.

Original poster
Kappa22 · 15/01/2024 23:19

GenXisthebest · 15/01/2024 23:17

It's a shame but I expect she's trying to keep numbers (and costs) down. How many times has she met your partner?

She knows him really well as he works in the same company. He recently gave her a lift from a work event...

OP posts:
HollyJollyRobin · 15/01/2024 23:22

We did this at our wedding...we were so tight on numbers that if a friend had a partner we hadn't met, we didn't invite them (some friends who live away so hadn't yet had a chance to meet their partners) otherwise we'd have had to not invite friends for the sake of people we didn't know. It wasn't an easy decision but was the only option.

Original poster
Kappa22 · 15/01/2024 23:23

HeidiIeigh · 15/01/2024 23:19

Has anyone from work had a plus one invited? A lot of the time work are invited as work. Or suddenly you've doubled your numbers with a shitload of strangers.

I think the only other person invited from work is one of her bridesmaids. Her partner is invited.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/01/2024 23:23

She should have said bring him to the evening bit

Original poster
Kappa22 · 15/01/2024 23:23

HollyJollyRobin · 15/01/2024 23:22

We did this at our wedding...we were so tight on numbers that if a friend had a partner we hadn't met, we didn't invite them (some friends who live away so hadn't yet had a chance to meet their partners) otherwise we'd have had to not invite friends for the sake of people we didn't know. It wasn't an easy decision but was the only option.

She knows him really well.

OP posts:
PamelaParis · 15/01/2024 23:24

She's friends with you, not your partner. You can be disappointed all you like but there's nothing you can do except decline the invitation if you feel that strongly about it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/01/2024 23:24

You can be disappointed, but you need to just suck it up.

Talipesmum · 15/01/2024 23:26

I initially thought she didn’t know him as you were her work friend, but now you’ve said she knows him really well I think it’s fair to be a bit disappointed.

HeidiIeigh · 15/01/2024 23:26

She will have her reasons. Just decline if you don't want to go alone.

Original poster
Kappa22 · 15/01/2024 23:31

PamelaParis · 15/01/2024 23:24

She's friends with you, not your partner. You can be disappointed all you like but there's nothing you can do except decline the invitation if you feel that strongly about it.

He is not her friend but they've known each other for years and he's been very supportive of her too.

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 15/01/2024 23:39

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/01/2024 23:24

You can be disappointed, but you need to just suck it up.

OP, I'm afraid you've got the answer to your AIBU right here. Sorry.

What else can possibly be said?

PastorCarrBonarra · 15/01/2024 23:40

I’ve read your updates and now I think it’s poor form not to invite him. I’d assumed that a bunch of folk were going from work, all without their spouses and partners, which would have been fine (and probably a lot of fun). But that’s not so.

Floatinginatincan · 15/01/2024 23:40

Maybe she doesn't like him?

DottyLottieLou · 16/01/2024 11:53

Speak to her about it.

Noseybookworm · 16/01/2024 11:54

It's probably because they are having to keep numbers down for the cost?

YaWeeFurryBastard · 16/01/2024 11:57

Do you live together or have kids? Maybe she doesn’t view your relationship as serious. Rude not to give you a plus one though if you don’t know anyone else.

TextThumb · 16/01/2024 11:57

at our wedding, we invited everybody’s partners, other than work colleagues who came as a group. However, if anybody was coming on their own, we ensured that there would be somebody they knew there. If there was not then we just wrote plus one on the invite.

I think it is unfair to invite somebody to a wedding if they don’t know anybody else there. That would be the dealbreaker for me.

Dailymash · 16/01/2024 12:00

When I got married I invited my two closest friends from work and not the rest of our team (around 15 people) Numbers were limited due to the venue and MIL wanting her entire extended family and church friends to be there - maybe your friend can’t invite everyone? She will have friends outside of work, family, then her husband-to-be will have friends, colleagues and family to invite.. it soon adds up. Just enjoy the wedding without your partner.

Gowlett · 16/01/2024 12:03

Bit strange that he’s not invited.
i think guest comfort is paramount.

Mamabear487 · 16/01/2024 12:08

She’s probably trying to keep costs down tbh. I would probably do the same I’m planning my wedding now and I’ve had to cut peoples partners due to numbers

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