AIBU to be disappointed my partner's not invited to my friend's wedding

[Kappa22]

I've been invited to a close colleague's wedding. We've worked together for many years and been through thick and thin together. I have supported her career during change and layoffs and guided her to opportunities outside of the normal career progression. Similarly, she has witnessed my difficult divorce and seen me try to rebuild my life with two young kids and a new partner. AIBU to be sad and disappointed that she has not included my partner of four years as a plus one? Maybe it doesn't help that last year my partner's colleague in a similar position invited us both to his wedding.

Highly likely this will be down to cost. It can add thousands to the cost of a wedding to invite partners, so just decline if you'd prefer not to go alone

In your experience, possibly, but that doesn't equate for everyone. Two of my best friends are from my first job, I've known them for over 30 years, we've been through thick and thin together.

That's not the case here . One of the bridesmaids , as well as OP , works with the bride .

I can see why you were not invited.

Ooh, get you

The one who is a bridesmaid is obviously a friend. OP is not a bridesmaid, she is a work colleague.
I have been to many colleagues’ weddings and partners were not invited to any of them. The bridesmaids partner is just that.. the partner of a bridesmaid, not a colleague. Quite different .

It's up to her at end of the day, but I personally wouldn't attend without my partner. I invited partners of friends to my wedding, some didn't know other people and I wanted everyone to have a good time.

I think you should be pleased that you are considered a close enough friend to be invited and an interesting and capable person in your own right (not just half of a couple). Don't go if any of these assumptions are incorrect.

If OP doesn't know anyone else who's going apart from the bride and a bridesmaid (neither of whom will be spending time with OP at the wedding), then the bride is being unreasonable not to invite OP's plus1. I would decline the invitation on the grounds that I wouldn't know anyone.

Ah, Mumsnet. The land of the socially inept who never open
their doors in case it’s a stranger (or MiL), conduct all interactions by text, shop where they don’t have to speak to another person, and can’t cope for a few hours at a Wedding without support.
It’s not so hard; it’s an opportunity to make new friends.

This is exactly what we did too. Didn't want to sacrifice someone we wanted there for a plus 1 we didn't know. I do appreciate that she does know him though, maybe she doesn't like him? We didn't give a plus one to someone who's partner is absolute vile.

I think its poor form to only invite one half of a couple. Maybe i'm old school, but I hate it when people state as a matter of fact that its all about the cost. of course weddings are expensive, but thats expected. Leaving out one half of a couple to ask them to celebrate you becoming a couple is just plain odd. And yes, rude. Its just poor form.

A friend of mine just didn’t invite anybody’s partner unless they were both friends of hers. I was single so no skin off my nose but she kept telling me about people being surprised or annoyed at her. At the meal, there were big signs at the table saying that any wine not drunk by the end of the meal, even if in a glass, would be taken away. The whole thing just felt very mean and tight. And it was in a posh old house but only the bride and groom could use the toilets there. Everyone else had to use the portaloos outside (and to cap it off it poured with rain). Horrible wedding!

@Pottedpalm seriously why? Unless you know the bride in question and know something I don’t I seriously don’t see from I have written there is a reason for me not to be invited. The present suggestion was a joke between my dh and I, I thought that would be obvious to anyone. I went out and bought her a nice card and my dh, our son and I all signed it and I believe dh put money in for the honeymoon as the couple’s requested. Dh did go but I don’t think it is unreasonable to be hurt that if they were meant to be best friends that she didn’t think it would be polite to invite his wife and that it would also be a much nicer way to host than dh having to attend alone, we couldn’t really justify spending money on accommodation as it was also half term in a holiday location so really expensive and hard to find somewhere just for one night so dh went, slept in his car and came back early the next morning so was crap from him too.

Maybe my view is skewed by being single (and having attended plenty weddings as such) - but literally, if you weren’t in a relationship, would you still be peeved you didn’t have a plus one? I really don’t get the hand wringing and angst about partners not being invited. You aren’t paying for the wedding, they are! You are an adult- you can spend one afternoon/ evening not glued to their side, you know?

The wine issue will be down to the caterers/venue management. At DS’s wedding DS and DDiL provided the wine themselves rather than choosing one of the drinks packages offered by the venue. This meant they had to pay corkage to the venue and the caterers could only serve the wine and champagne during the meal. They were under instructions to refill glasses promptly and guests were allowed to finish what was already poured.
After the meal the drinks came from the venue bar; that was an
open bar and DH picked up thetab.

Not enough to decline a lift home....

Yes it would be the venue and management but it was their choice to use that venue and they certainly didn’t pick up any of the bar tab.

Sorry but I think you are missing the point. I have been to weddings on my own and it hasn't bothered me in the least. I am very sociable and love meeting new people. The point I was trying to make is that I have gone out of my way for many years to support her in small ways and big ways, including two promotions. Maybe that is why I feel sad and disappointed - because she isn't just a 'work friend' to me but someone I care about deeply and who I've put my neck on the line for in the past. I always thought she feels the same way about me too but recent events have made of think of the old adage...when people show you through actions what you are worth to them, believe them...

Touche

I feel the same way. This is not a work conference.

Sorry but you are missing the point. This is about friendship, loyalty and ultimately how much I matter to her (turns out less than I thought).

because she isn't just a 'work friend' to me but someone I care about deeply and who I've put my neck on the line for in the past. I always thought she feels the same way about me too but recent events have made of think of the old adage.

I think you have your answer, she doesn’t see you the same way. Step back a bit, l and invest less. Personally think she’s mean to not give you a plus one.
I’d decline if I only knew her and the bridesmaid

Oh quit whining please. The situation is not going to change despite your "hurt" feelings, and lots of comment and back and forth on the thread.

So I have three options for you -

1. Ditch the friend/colleague as she has hurt you so much.
2. Go to the ceremony only, wish them well and toddle off home to BF who will be so lonely without you.
3. Go to the wedding and enjoy yourself. Be glad that you are an extrovert and can talk to anyone. That'll be good.

They can be Billy No Mates together then!