AIBU to be disappointed my partner's not invited to my friend's wedding

[Kappa22]

I've been invited to a close colleague's wedding. We've worked together for many years and been through thick and thin together. I have supported her career during change and layoffs and guided her to opportunities outside of the normal career progression. Similarly, she has witnessed my difficult divorce and seen me try to rebuild my life with two young kids and a new partner. AIBU to be sad and disappointed that she has not included my partner of four years as a plus one? Maybe it doesn't help that last year my partner's colleague in a similar position invited us both to his wedding.

I would usually say I wouldn't expect invitations to colleagues to also include partners/plus ones (because it could quickly add up and most people might never have met their colleagues' partners), but that's because most people would invite several people from work to go together - given you won't know anyone other than her and the bridesmaid, and she knows your partner well, in those specific circumstances I would expect him to have been invited, yes. I think it's quite rude to invite someone to a wedding (unless it's a very small one with say less than 10 people) where they won't know anyone else and not let them bring someone to interact with!

Even for the most extroverted person, 6-12 hours of making forced conversation with strangers when almost everyone else will be part of a group or at least with a partner (very different to a situation like a conference when lots of people will be attending alone) is hard work.

I wouldn't go to a wedding where I didn't know anyone other than the bride and 1 other person (who sounds like she will know a number of others, even if just from the hen party, and will also have commitments during the ceremony/might be sitting with the bride during the dinner, so won't be around for you to talk to). I'd just be honest and say to her 'Sorry I'd love to come but I think it would be really awkward given I don't know anyone else.'

Yes, we do.

It's a good job you're around to problem solve, no one would be able to understand the choices available.

Do you always approach issues with such empathy?

We couldn't invite a few plus 1s due to cost and numbers. Not ideal but we wanted close friends and family. We didn't have separate invitations for the ceremony, reception and evening do. So yes you can feel upset but you need to appreciate the situation of the bride and groom, they can't invite everyone.

In that scenario, I’d decline.

My two main venues for attending weddings are US and Ireland, and not inviting a committed partner would be practically unheard of. In fact, it’s still not uncommon to invite a plus one if a guest is unlikely to know anyone other than the B or G.

Why are you not able to go yourself? do you have to to everything together?

You're complaining that you feel undervalued as a friend after all you've done for her over the years.

She's invited you to her wedding, for god's sake. That's a pretty big deal.

I don’t think she’s being unreasonable not to invite your partner, but neither would you be unreasonable to decide that you don’t want to go with him. I’d just politely decline.