Nephew vs Andrew Tate

[Spencer0220]

I visited my mum's yesterday. We had a lovely afternoon with my sister and her kids. Apart from DNephew who is 13 at the end of the month.

DN has started absolutely idolising Andrew Tate and the Illuminati.

A lot of his views made me as a woman extremely uncomfortable. DSis has tried to reeducate and told him why these views are wrong. She pulled him up repeatedly during the visit because he was sitting with the forefinger/thumb hand signal popularised by Tate. He refused to stop, saying he was comfortable and sitting naturally.

DSis explained about his reeducation, and he kept parroting that he had been reeducated and smirking.

He demanded his birthday present early and told his grandmother how disgusted he was because she hadn't brought presents because she had cooked the same dinner as Christmas Day, so she was expected to give another set of gifts!! Mad!! He got mad at me for refusing to give him his birthday present. I had taken it with me because I don't think I'll see his mum again beforehand.

My mother and sister are clearly at the end of their rope with him.

DN has autism and ADHD.

The part where I think I might be unreasonable. I don't know how to tell DSis, or even if I should, that unless her son stops talking like Tate around me, I'm not prepared to see him, or have him in my house. My skin was crawling by the end of the visit. His views on women are just awful.

Andrew tate and his brother are about to go to trial for several crimes including

• human trafficking
• rape
• trafficking minors
• inciting violence
• money laundering
• bribery
• favouring the perpetrator

Having an actual discussion about the magnitude of these crimes with someone brain washed by tate is difficult. If I were in your position I'd just smugly and quite nonchalantly say something like:

"Oh yeah, I heard about him, he's looking at a long time behind bars isn't he? Silly little man. You probably won't hear much from him then I don't think you can tweet from prison". Then move on the conversation

Rather than engage in an actual discussion.

However, I would advise you talk to your sister about it and see if there's anything you can look at together to help guide her in managing the situation.

Dad is a very unstable character and DN hardly sees him and doesn't want to. Step dad is reasonable, but dn ignores him because he's not dad. Male grandparents all dead or not in picture.

There's only really my husband or his step aunt's husband.

How to stop men hating and bullying women?

Ah, if only we knew. 😔

An article for schools here on respknding to Tate-fan boys but doesn’t add much really. If I was your sister I’d be both livid and so sad for this child. The Internet is so poisonous.

https://archive.is/pgrG6

And yes. It looks like a vulva. It's also very uncomfortable and not something you can do by accident.

Thank you.

I don't want to slam my sister at all or embarrass her. But I don't know what I can do to support

A twelve year old isn't allowed on most social media so that needs cutting down.

Hopefully he will realize Tate is a arsehole and not become a incel.

Reeducation? Who are you, Chairman Mao? You will never persuade a teenager of anything by lecturing him. Yes AT is awful, but try to understand what your DN really thinks: listening is the first step to persuasion. Ignore all the goading too, it’s designed to piss you off. I wouldn’t ban anyone from my house from his opinions but if he is being rude and personal that’s a different matter. You should warn him first.

He has a TikTok. I don't know about anything else as I only use facebook and I don't have him on there

I'm using the wording used yesterday. My DSis said he'd been reeducated and he kept parroting that word

@Spencer0220

What's difficult is his young age. With late teens/young adults, I'd point them in the direction of large twitter / youtube accounts where they talk through the legal case, the multi level marketing he's involved in, the cult like practices he engages with etc. However, as you can imagine that's a lot of adult content discussing violent sexual assault, sexual exploitation, brain washing and pyschological coercion etc, it's a bit beyond a 12 year olds comprehension (and a lot of adults too).

I'd just keep it simple, there's a lot of evidence he's done a lot of bad things, in a few years time a lot of people are going to be embarrassed they followed him, and he's going to lead a lot of vulnerable and impressionable kids down a very bad life path

most incels for example have ASD

JFC, where to even start with this. Where is your evidence for this ridiculous statement? Sorry to burst your bubble, but autism doesn’t cause misogyny.

There is no evidence

Your sister sounds ground down and in need of some support. I think in your shoes I'd just lay my cards on the table, tell her that I can see there are very big issues and that she needs to tackle them. I'd offer any and all help.

She needs to dig deep and come down on him like a ton of bricks in my opinion. He'd not be ruling the roost any longer under my roof. He needs big consequences. For a start, he is very clearly not ready for the responsibility of owning a smart phone with an internet connection. That needs removing for the foreseeable future, not as a punishment but for safeguarding reasons. She is currently failing miserably to protect him from some very harmful extremist ideology. If he steals his mum's phone (which obviously should be fingerprint protected) then he loses his phone altogether. He is 12. He's not capable of independently achieving the lifestyle to which he is accustomed, so she needs to remind him that it's her goodwill he's relying on for things like phones, Xboxes, cool trainers etc etc. And that these are privileges, not rights, which can and will be removed if his behaviour is disrespectful and toxic.

@14Times who said ASD causes misogyny?

“Recent research has drawn attention to the prevalence of self-reported autism within online communities of involuntary celibates (incels). These studies suggest that some individuals with autism may be particularly vulnerable to the impact of incel forums and the hopelessness they generate”

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10732311/

@Tattletwat

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10732311/

awkward…

This! 13 year old boys are hardly known for being sensible.

All this talk of reeducation is just silly - Just ignore him when he’s like that, he knows your views by now and incessantly talking about it is only fueling it.

Where is the DN’s dad in this? Surely his role is pivotal?

Not really awkward no where have I connected autism with incels that's yorkself.

I know.

I just don't know how to help.

If you've seen my other aibu posts you'll know we don't always have a good relationship. But on this I really believe I should be sympathetic and offering support.

She's tried confiscating his phone for over a month for other issues like ordering takeaway to school, but he doesn't learn and nothing changes.

School refuses to involve themselves as the behaviour is out of school.

Last year he was suspended for 3 days externally and then further internally for racist language

Not in the picture reliably. DN really doesn't like to go and see him.

He's not much use when he sees him

She's not going far enough and actually, IMO, she is neglecting him. It isn't safe for him to have a phone. Confiscating it for a month is neither here nor there; he is being groomed by extremists. It's that serious. And she is knowingly handing over the means for them to indoctrinate him. He doesn't need a phone; he needs protecting.

I haven't seen your other threads and it sounds like your relationship is difficult so I can see it's tricky to get involved. With one of my siblings, I'd definitely be doing some very straight talking at this point.

If he lacks any kind of male role model, I'd definitely be trying to get DH to take him under his wing. I think the fact his father is absent will be playing a massive part in his behaviour.

I'm the mother of an older teen with ASD who experienced many obsessions including Illuminati and a bit of AT, but that came later. I can't imagine the damage it would have done if any of my family threatened to go NC with me and my child unless I took control of what he said around them.

You would not be helping your sister or your nephew by doing this @Spencer0220.

If he continues with this far-right Andrew Tate parroting, school are likely to invoke their Prevent duty. It's that serious. Prevent is about right-wing indoctrination as much as it is about other forms of grooming.

That said, you can't parent him. Your sister needs to wise up and actually parent her child. Remove his phone, delete his social media. I mean, get her to read the wikipedia pages of people like Elliot Rodger? Does she need that much of a kick up the arse? This is serious.

Calling it "re-education" in front of him is a really weird approach though. Of course he's going to resist that. Who wouldn't?

She needs to remove his phone permanently and lock hers away. He sounds troubled.

agree with grey rocking him so he doesn’t feed off the reactions though.