How many times a week does your partner go out

[Fairyfeet46]

For abit of context we are arguing about this every single week so i would like to know if i am being unreasonable or not. This relates to time for hobbies and seeing friends

We have three children, 7year old boy, 13 month old girl and 3 month old boy (yes i did have two kids with a 10 month gap, im crazy i know)

My partner is always out! He works a standard monday to friday in an officr 8am-3pm. I am currently on maternity leave and have been for just over a year.

He goes out to play pool on a wednesday, thursday and friday night to play and see friends (from 6pm-10pm) football on a sunday morning to play. Every night after work he goes to the sunbed shop with a friend and goes out with them 'for drives and to chill' most nights for two hour or so. He goes to a friends house every tuesday from around 8pm until whenever he feels like it and saturdays are for him to catch up on sleep!

I do 100% of the household chores which i dont mind doing as i am on maternity leave and its like my job but im doing 99% of the parenting aswell, every single bottle, every single bath gime, every single bed time, every single nappy, every single night time cry, every messy meal and usually on my own.

Would you say the amount of nights hes out is reasonable and im being dramatic because i cant get out or is this completely taking piss with two small children?

Its come to a head today because i was up with both children all night and managed 40 minutes of sleep so i asked him not to go football which he did cancel but then spent the morning asleep on the sofa while i went food shopping and made a big dinner (with the kids in tow with me) and now he has just left to go to pool as he didnt get to go football!

Is there anything good about him?

Struggling to work out what made you choose this particularly bad specimen of a man to father not one but three children

You seem to have procreated with a single 21 yo.

Can you manage financially alone? He clearly brings nothing to your family.

Apart from everything else, it must be costing a fortune.

OP what access to leisure money, or any money do you get?

At this time in your life. And given the demands of having a baby so close to a toddler, and a 7 year old... I would say you don't get to go out much. Some weeks not at all. For about a year.

Oh and to answer the actual question:
Dh goes out (after putting the kids to bed) once weekly to the squash club. He cancels if needed to be there for the kids

I probably go out around once a week two, also after kids go to bed. Either seeing a friend or sometimes a gym class.

I'd be telling him of he's so unhappy at home he has to go out every night, he should go back to his Mom's.

Mon sunbed 3.30-5.30
Tues sunbed 3.30-5.30, mates 8-22
Wed sunbed 3.30-5.30, pool 6-10
Thurs sunbed 3.30-5.30, pool 6-10
Fri sunbed 3.30-5.30, pool 6-10
Sat lie in until 10.30
Sunday football 9-12

When does he see the kids?he might as well have them EOW.

Well he sounds fucking useless. Don’t even bother with an ultimatum, we all know it’ll have zero effect. Start planning your life as a single parent (you are basically doing it now anyway) and kick him out. When you have young kids (especially 2 under 2!) “hobbies” involve escaping out the house for a couple of hours every couple of weeks once kids are fed, bathed and in bed. He’s a selfish cretin and I can’t even call him a parent as when is he ever actually around to parent??

He is taking the absolute piss!
My DH does HIT with a PT twice a week, half an hour each time, he's out for 40 minutes (all other physical activity is done as a family or with at least one of the kids)
Him and his mates meet up about once a month, no more than that. We do most of our socialising as a couple/family.

We have a 10 year old and only started doing evening things a couple of years ago. I do choir on Monday, exercise class Tuesday but back for 7.45pm, sometimes gym on Weds and help out with brownoes on Friday. DH in a band so gigs on evening at weekends but neither of us would have done this before

My ex left because he just wanted to do what he wanted to do and the kids cramped his single life. He now literally lives the life of a man with no responsibilities while I do all the childcare for the children he wanted and he turns up and does the odd fun bit and still complains.

Once a week with 2 babies would be taking the piss.

He has opted out of parenting & your relationship.

You will be much better off single.

I know I could not put up with this.
You are a servant in your own home.
You need to work out a way you can be financially independent of him & retain some dignity.
I wouldn’t beg him to stay home, he is selfish & ignorant.
Move on & be happy.

Priorities though, got to look good with a tan. Way more important than being a responsible parent to three DC. What a catch...

If my DH pulled that shite he would be getting told! He doesn't go out apart from once every six months or so. DC are 16yo, 13yo, 8yo and 6yo. I have chronic health issues so need practical help still. He just gets on with it 🤷🏻

OP he's just taking the Mick.

For my life!! You lost me at 'daily sun bed, drive and chill'. What the actual fuck???

I literally have no words after reading that! 😨

This is absolutely ridiculous! As all the other posters have said, you might as well kick him out and be a single parent, what is he adding to your life apart from stress?
how old is your partner? Going out for ‘drives and chilling’ is something 17 year olds do?
We have 2 young children (under 5) and I can count on one hand the amount of times we’ve been out in the last year (together & seperately)
Honestly OP, you deserve SO much better than this man child, how utterly selfish

Wow he is an a$$hole. 3 nights a week for 4 hours at a time playing pool, then one night "at his mates" lie in all day Saturday and football on Sunday. He is taking the total piss out of you. So he is home once a week???

He has responsibilities same as you do. He should be home minding his kids.

My DH goes to the gym 3 times a week for an hour each time this could be 6am, lunchtime or 6pm class and occasionally (maybe once a month) meets his mate. I go for a walk 3 times a week for an hour and similarly occasionally meet friends for breakfast/lunch or a night out.

For comparison we are together 14 years and have 3 kids 4,7,9.

Your DP sounds like an immature 17 year old. Dump him. At least then he'd see his kids a couple times a week and every other weekend.

My DH goes out about once a month, if that.

I go out more

Why have multiple children with this oaf

I think if you both have two nights to yourself to do what you want with, that leaves you with 3 to spend time with eachother which I think is sensible. You definitely should be having the same amount of evenings to yourself.

This is insane.

We have two kids and both work full time. We split all household tasks, childcare but my husband does more and does all the drop offs and pick ups as his hours are better and he works from home sometimes.
I go out with friends about 1-2x per month, and he does so even less.
Your partner is selfish.
Also if he sunbeds that often he is going to end up with melanoma.

I think you know the answer.
BTW, if you went out a night he happened to be in, would he be happy for you to do that?

Normally on these threads I’m the one saying that parents should cover for each other. Being with your friends and having some adult time can be what keeps you sane. However, in the case he is royally taking the piss. Do you ever go out?

Bet my house that if she went out and left him parenting his own children, he'd be ringing her every 5 minutes.. and she'd eventually give in and go home.

Which is exactly what he wants.

Think through how you want to issue your ultimatum because it needs to be plausible and doable. He needs to think about how close he is to losing his family and how much he will regret it, and that you are totally serious.

My ex of 40 years asked me not so long ago why I left and I told him because he was never there. He cried that he had been so stupid. I don’t know why he needed to hear it again, something he was going through I suppose.

You need your money in order and accommodation sorted , that doesn’t mean you need to leave, just that you need to be clear in your mind what needs to happen, because he isn’t thinking about it for a single minute.

How old is he, genuinely?

My husband goes out probably once a Month, and even then he's messaging me the whole time saying how much he hates being away from home and misses me (massive homebody).

I did however used to have an ex who was extremely extroverted and was out every day. I hated it and would just stay in alone..