How many times a week does your partner go out

[Fairyfeet46]

For abit of context we are arguing about this every single week so i would like to know if i am being unreasonable or not. This relates to time for hobbies and seeing friends

We have three children, 7year old boy, 13 month old girl and 3 month old boy (yes i did have two kids with a 10 month gap, im crazy i know)

My partner is always out! He works a standard monday to friday in an officr 8am-3pm. I am currently on maternity leave and have been for just over a year.

He goes out to play pool on a wednesday, thursday and friday night to play and see friends (from 6pm-10pm) football on a sunday morning to play. Every night after work he goes to the sunbed shop with a friend and goes out with them 'for drives and to chill' most nights for two hour or so. He goes to a friends house every tuesday from around 8pm until whenever he feels like it and saturdays are for him to catch up on sleep!

I do 100% of the household chores which i dont mind doing as i am on maternity leave and its like my job but im doing 99% of the parenting aswell, every single bottle, every single bath gime, every single bed time, every single nappy, every single night time cry, every messy meal and usually on my own.

Would you say the amount of nights hes out is reasonable and im being dramatic because i cant get out or is this completely taking piss with two small children?

Its come to a head today because i was up with both children all night and managed 40 minutes of sleep so i asked him not to go football which he did cancel but then spent the morning asleep on the sofa while i went food shopping and made a big dinner (with the kids in tow with me) and now he has just left to go to pool as he didnt get to go football!

We have a 4yr old and 2yr old and a generic week here neither of us are out. We work 08.30-5 and dealing with kids there's no spare time

I'd not put up with what you are, op!

Do you know he's definitely at the places he's telling you? he's away enough time to have a whole other life / family with someone else.

Wow, he’s no catch is he. Poor you. It’s not going to change, he isn’t interested, and I don’t think you will leave, so I’d settle in for the long haul. Sorry op.

That's absolute insanity.

What's with the drive and chill? That's weird. Is he really young? I'm all for people going out. A couple of times a week but also if I had two children the same as your youngest I don't think I could cope with a few nights!!

Doubt it, he’s no interest in this one. He’s living a single man’s life.

Fuck that shit!

Go for a drive and chill sound like smoking weed and driving about

Dump the chump

I wish you and your DC a peaceful life

For what it's worth no DC me 44 and dh45 he goes swimming which is an hour 5 lines a week but I go with him mostly. Goes to home football matches. Goes to work does and socials. That is it.

Hang on, he also goes out for "drives" most nights.. what man with 3 children would suggest such a ridiculous thing.

He’s literally never there, he comes home when the kids are in bed basically, spends all his free time with his mates, but sunbeds and driving round is just odd. The cost of the fuel alone to drive for two hours every night.

thr op is a single parent. I’m just shocked she thought that’s what men do. Mine certainly doesn’t, and neither does any man I know.

driving around is the sort of thing kids with their first car do. Showing off, looking for girls.

how old is this fine specimen op?

This isn’t normal.

when I was on mat leave my husband still did half the chores. I complained about not having the house tidy and he pointed out that my “job” on mat leave is looking after baby. I wasn’t on “housecleaning leave”.

we have an 8 year old now. I would say I’d be lucky if DH goes out more than twice per month . Though he sometimes takes the dog for a walk on his own to get peace from us… but don’t think that counts

I don't even know this guy, but already I can't stand him.

At this point, Op, it's actually irrelevant how often other people's men go out.
You've got small children, and are on maternity leave. He finishes work for the day at 3pm - he should be home shortly after, mucking in with dealing with the DCs and getting house stuff sorted.

What adult father of 3 goes for daily sunbeds, and to "drive and chill"? What even is that?

My DCs are a lot older now but, back when we had little ones, it was all hands on deck after his work. We'd share the housework/bathtimes etc in the evening.

In terms of going out, DH would meet up with friends for a curry once a month. Sometimes, as an addition to that, he'd see friends for a few drinks if they were in town - but he'd see the DCs ok before he went out, so it was never an issue.

I also got my time to see friends, go to my club every Tuesday evening, so it all felt pretty fair.

He's never home. He is leading a single life. If he was always like this why did you think 3 kids was a good idea. Sunbed shop?

"Drives and chill" and the sunbed shop! Is he 17? Honestly this is off-putting enough without him also being a selfish arsehole that has checked out of life with you and his children.

For info, I have young children. DH and I both go out separately once or twice a week each and I view that as quite a lot! He plays badminton with his brother one night a week and I go to the gym on a Sunday morning. Then once every couple of weeks we'll both be out with friends for dinner on different evenings.

He sounds like he’s 15

going to the sunbed shop and for drives and chill gives me the ick

DH has gone out about 3 times since we had children (our eldest is 5.5 years). He always does 50/50 in chores or childcare once he's home from work and through the weekend. Before dcs we used to go out several times a week each, but after dc we both had to be home to deal with the dc and keep on top of housework. It's too much for one person, especially with kids under 2 who aren't sleeping through. I don't go out either. Our dcs don't settle in bed until late and it takes both of us to do it (because they each have an individual bath and story routine) and it's too late to go out by the time they're settled).

Your dcs barely have a relationship with their dad which is really sad. My dcs have such a tight bond with their dad because he's been at home playing with them and reading bedtime stories, and taking them out at weekends, and it's a shame for your dcs not to have that in their lives.

Ask him if he wants to have a partner and children as right now he is living as a single person.

If he cancelled football, why did you go out to do everything with all the children? What was the point in him staying home?

He just isn't interested in raising his children or having a normal family life. You can give him an ultimatum to stay in, but he won't be doing it because he wants to. It won't last. You'll keep doing this over and over again.

My DH goes to the pub 1-2 nights a week plus a most-of-the-day hobby 1-2 Saturdays a month. We have one child and alternate who does bedtime. We also share taking her to extra curriculars. I have 2 hobby nights a week and might go for drinks once a month and a day trip to see a friend who lives a bit further away every other month. We both work full time, him from home, me 2 days in the office and 3 from home.
Pretty "fair" imo although sometimes we get annoyed with each other about work trips but luckily they're not too common!
Your DH is completely taking the piss!

Honestly I think you are beyond the point of calm discussion and you need to separate.

He’s made it very clear he sees you as a domestic skivvy whose role it to facilitate his social life. What does he bring to the table? Do you work? Are you financially dependent on him? How easy would it be to leave?

Hrs leading the single life.

We each go out 2-3 times a week for our hobbies, but it's flexible so if one of us doesn't want the other to go, we don't.

If we make additional plans we run it by each other, and rarely say no without good reason.

Your partner is still living like a single man, and not a father.

There’s absolutely no point to the man. He’s non functional as a parent and a boyfriend, seems he only goes home to get you pregnant, and add to the chores.

Whose house is it? I imagine any court order to try to make him parent his kids won’t work, but at least he’ll be someone’s else’s burden.

He sounds very immature. More like a teenage boy than a man. Just reading that has made my fanny clamp shut 🤢 I could just hear a teenage boy tell his mum he was ’going for a drive with his mates to chill’ what attracts you to him? 🤣

I think your deluded if you think that will happen, he will see them sparingly or not at all.

So, he’s at home on a Monday then? I’d be interested to know what his Monday evening consists of? Does he have to keep reintroducing himself to the DC Incase they have forgotten who he is??