Baby shower etiquette AIBU?

[babysharkx]

So I just wanna get an outside opinion on this. One of my friends has a baby shower coming up and her best friend is organising it for her. She made a WhatsApp group for everyone invited.

She did a few polls in the chat to decide on the venue. Then told us the food options. The buffet is around £20 a head which everyone agreed to send their share of the money. Then she’d put in the chat something about wanting to order a cake and decorations and asked if people were happy to contribute. About 5 people said yes out of 20 and her mum even said she would pay for the cake.

Then a few weeks later the organiser has put in the chat she’s ordered the cake and decorations which has come to £150 so can everyone send her their share. Not sure what happened to her mum paying for the cake. I find it so cheeky as not everyone agreed to pay it! She’s shared her bank details in the chat about 4 times asking people to transfer it. More people have caved and paid than said they were originally going to but I think there’s still about 7 people that haven’t.

I know in the grand scheme it’s not a great deal of money but i don’t want to send it based on the principle. It’s a cost of living crisis. I’m already having to fund the buffet and buy a gift without paying for the cake and decorations too.

plus said friend turned up at my baby shower (which my mum hosted and provided the buffet) drank about 3 free bottles of wine, got a lift home from me and brought a book as a gift.. plus didn’t get my baby a present when she was born.

What would you do? Is it normal to be invited to a party and asked to pay for the decorations? I don’t know whether to send it just to keep the peace or just wait to see if she asks me directly to tell her what I think.

Wow. When did having a baby become so complicated? Hate the whole 'shower' thing - yet another American concept we've adopted. Definitely don't think the attendees should be expected to pay a fortune for food, cake & decor! That's usually down to whoever organised it &/or family. And only 1 present should be expected....& not a ruddy great expensive item, either - a piece of clothing or little toy etc has always been the norm. WTF is wrong with people??

Charging you another £6 for a drink as well? I’ve heard it all now. Far too grabby and putting people on an awkward situation regarding paying for things is unkind and selfish. Just say you’ve agreed the £20 for food (which no one should be charged for either) and you haven’t agreed to pay for anything else and therefore won’t be able to contribute any more.

Fuck baby showers in general. Grabby bastards.

This!

Maybe MN could start a movement to get rid of all these nonsensical imports from across the pond, Bridal showers, Weeklong expensive Hen parties, Gender reveal parties, Baby showers would make a good start!

If I was you I'd be checking actual
costs, I'm struggling with £20 per head for a buffet and £6 drink, is the organiser taking a skim off this??

Op unless you really want to go. I think I'd be tempted to pull out.
£20 + 7.50 + 3 (I'm assuming soft drink from the bar) + 10 gift.

When you add it up it just seems a lot of money.

Not really necessary. It takes a certain type of person to plan these events to begin with.

It's funny how they only import the things which massively benefit them. For example it's the done thing amongst most in America to have a free bar at weddings, cash bars are quite rare. The grabby buggers didn't bother to steal that idea did they!

The costs are definitely legit. The place is in the city centre and more on the expensive side. It’s one of the girl’s favourite place for food/drinks.. think it was chose as people knew she’d appreciate it.

She does have expensive taste in general.. thinks nothing of spending £250-£300 on a Michelin star meal for example.

I'd love this

Is the message saying that her Mum will be paying for the cake still showing on WhatsApp? If so, take a screenshot, send it to the organiser and say "thought Mum was paying for the cake?".