Baby shower etiquette AIBU?

[babysharkx]

So I just wanna get an outside opinion on this. One of my friends has a baby shower coming up and her best friend is organising it for her. She made a WhatsApp group for everyone invited.

She did a few polls in the chat to decide on the venue. Then told us the food options. The buffet is around £20 a head which everyone agreed to send their share of the money. Then she’d put in the chat something about wanting to order a cake and decorations and asked if people were happy to contribute. About 5 people said yes out of 20 and her mum even said she would pay for the cake.

Then a few weeks later the organiser has put in the chat she’s ordered the cake and decorations which has come to £150 so can everyone send her their share. Not sure what happened to her mum paying for the cake. I find it so cheeky as not everyone agreed to pay it! She’s shared her bank details in the chat about 4 times asking people to transfer it. More people have caved and paid than said they were originally going to but I think there’s still about 7 people that haven’t.

I know in the grand scheme it’s not a great deal of money but i don’t want to send it based on the principle. It’s a cost of living crisis. I’m already having to fund the buffet and buy a gift without paying for the cake and decorations too.

plus said friend turned up at my baby shower (which my mum hosted and provided the buffet) drank about 3 free bottles of wine, got a lift home from me and brought a book as a gift.. plus didn’t get my baby a present when she was born.

What would you do? Is it normal to be invited to a party and asked to pay for the decorations? I don’t know whether to send it just to keep the peace or just wait to see if she asks me directly to tell her what I think.

The scenario you have described is a far cry from what a baby shower should be.

You throw the party, you pay for it.

Her bestie overspent but that's not on you. If she wanted the guests to increase their own contributions she should have checked with them first before blowing so much cash on. She'll also be taking the organisational glory anyway so she might as well take the financial hit and live in hope her friend reciprocates when it's her turn.

As a side point, asking guests to contribute anything towards baby showers and gender reveal parties is beyond uncouth.

Yeah reading it back I guess I do sound a bit entitled in the OG post 🙈 it clearly wasn’t worded in the best way but obviously there is more to the story I didn’t think to go into originally.

You post ,you pay
End of
TBF I don’t go to baby showers

Host pays. Very tacky to ask the guests to pay.

The whole baby shower thing is out of hand by the sound of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been to an engagement party or a wedding I had to pay for. Drinks maybe, but not catering and not decorations or cake. I suppose people pay their own way at a hen night/weekend but they don’t bring a present with them. The purpose of a baby shower is to shower the expected baby with gifts.

Op I think it's very cheeky of the friend to be asking for more money.
I think £20 for the buffet is wild. Have you checked prices on the venues website? Is she expecting the friends to cover both the MtB, her and whoever else?

I'd probably cough up, for the sake of £7.50, but really I'd not be happy about it

Other options,
Just sit quiet say nothing don't send any more money. Ignore further money requests.

Or you could be braver and say 'sorry I didn't agree to paying for cake and decorations, I already think £20 for buffet is steep and I still have a gift to buy'

Baby showers are typically held at home, not at a venue where each guest is paying £20+ a head 🤨

Definitely don't give her any more money! She is being so crass.

I also would spend very little on the gift. A teether or pack of muslins or such.

Baby showers can be so grabby they want instragram pictures but the guests funding it. Buffets should not be 20 quid a head decorations can be obtained cheaply from poundland, ebay and home bargains. The host and family members usually fund this. I went to my good friends and only paid for drinks and a gift.

I agree I think it’s crazy but yeah I have checked and verified the cost. There was a canapés option that was slightly cheaper but they didn’t sound very nice!

the organiser even put in the chat the other day ‘think of it this way.. What I’m asking you all to contribute to the cost most people would spend without thinking on a trip to Starbucks anyway plus you will benefit from eating the cake and the decorations are a pretty central part of the shower’

I’ve paid to attend coworker wedding and baby showers. Those are really a different style of event than one for friends or family.

Someone has always hosted the friend or family showers. Sometimes they are simple affairs in someone’s home.

The mum to be sounds equally grabby with a bloody wish list with expensive items..I. wouldn't attend.

I'd tell her she can pay for it herself then and just avoid Starbucks for a little longer to recoup the cost 😂

Ask her whose keeping the decorations and left over cake…

very cheeky and not on.

don’t pay,

I think and mi d you I'm in the US where baby showers are a must and I ome from an ethnicity that makes huge baby showers I think it's really not right to ask for contributions. The host by chosing to host should not ask for donations. I think it's one thing to ask to bring a dish but this is too much.

If you buy a baby shower gift you don’t buy another one. Also no it’s not normal for guests to pay for these events!

Simple then - host just needs to avoid Starbucks for a while.

I don’t like Starbucks and think it’s a waste of money but nobody is going to value some random decorations and a professional (rather than supermarket) cake in the same way as they do their little guilty pleasure purchases.

Never have I ever in nearly 40 years been invited to a party of any kind and then been asked to pay. Absolutely piss take that is.

This is the problem with baby showers. I think unless family hosts it at their house and gets all the decorations etc you really shouldn’t be expected to contribute towards food, decorations etc when you’re already taking a gift and then going to get them a second gift a month later when you see the actual baby. I didn’t have one as I felt like it was just asking for presents and I felt too uncomfortable with that 🙈 You wouldn’t arrange a wedding, invite people then send them a breakdown of the costs to transfer over their share! I went to one baby shower recently which was at a restaurant rather than in a hall or someone’s house and it was the first one I’d been to where you had to send money over in advance for food. I even found that a bit awkward 😬 Don’t know what I’d do in your situation, whether I’d just send it for an easy life but it is 100% cheeky!

YANBU. If you didn’t agree she shouldn’t be asking you for it… although for £7.50 I’d probably pay! I’d also just replicate the type of gift you got, so a book or equivalent.

I’ve arranged two baby showers recently - one for my sister and one for my SIL. Both in venues as nobody has a house that’s suitable for hosting (or that would have been my go to).

My Mum and I paid for my sisters but in my family the host tends to pay for the event (and we’ve been to several events this year that we haven’t paid a penny for).

For my SIL’s I made the cost clear at the outset so everybody accepted knowing what they’d pay. I bought cake, decorations, paid for SIL etc. but everyone paid for themselves. I just couldn’t afford to pay and whilst I earn ok I’m probably on the lowest wage out of the group.

I don’t agree that the host should pay, rather I think the host should make it clear what it will cost up front and keep it that way… so no surprise/additional costs.

Baby shower etiquette; don’t have one.

Don’t pay her, just stay silent

How to give the guilt trip.
It's January lots of people are fairly skint in January. Actually lots of people are skint until end of February (with Januarys wage going on credit card bill)

Sorry but it's January, no money for Starbucks, instand for me! Seriously I didn't agree to paying for cake just get a supermarket cake rather than a £££ bakers number.

How crap of them! I've only been to one baby shower but didn't pay a penny and was never once expected to. I brought a gift and the host provided food, drink, everything. I'd be so pissed off in your shoes and tempted to not go.

So now we have:

1.Engagement party
2.Massive Hen do, usually abroad, costs the same as a family holiday.
3.Wedding, needs outfit, gifts, night in hotel,
4.then couple get pregnant, needs a gender reveal
5.Then baby shower. Huge event. Cake, decorations, games, gifts
6.Then baby is born so needs another present.

1. Baby Then has a sibling conceived, repeat steps 4-6

Modern day friendships are too expensive for me. I'm pleased I'm out of this stage.

Had this at a friends hen a good few years back. Her sis was organising. Every other day there was a new cost over and above travel and accommodation. Spent 1k on a weekend away in Europe which back in 2015 was a lot.