Professional photographer at a funeral

[Anonomum14]

I just recently heard that someone hired a professional photographer for their husbands funeral (30yr old - sudden/unexpected) large turnout.
I'm not judging their decision, I have just never ever heard of this. Would you consider this? Is this what people do now? Is it a trend? Personally I don't think I would, just wondering what others think about it.

I find this trend of people taking photos of funerals distasteful. I would be hurt to see photos of people smiling on social media, at my loved ones funeral. Have we stopped calling funeral goers mourners? I also think it's a day when you shouldn't have to be concerned about your photo being taken.

I can see it’s not for everyone but it was actually an exceptionally moving funeral and had the added strangeness of Covid distancing. The camera was so discreet we weren’t aware of it.

The final video was well edited so anyone in distress was not shown and it looked really professional. In fact the funeral director asked permission to use it as a training piece for training celebrants and their staff.

Not for everyone but some posters are projecting their views very harshly. For us it helped to heal the fact that Dad died alone after 7 weeks in isolation in the early days of the pandemic. We were in bits.

My husband died unexpectedly in summer and as he was a very popular man his funeral was quite large.
Before he died I would have been aghast at the thought of videoing the service as I thought I would never want to watch.
In fact we did have it live streamed due to good friends and elderly people living too far away to travel. We mentioned this in the service booklet and anyone who did not wish to be filmed could have opted out, although no one did.
The link went as far as USA and New Zealand.
It was filmed from the back of the room and very discreet. The eulogies were filmed, including those of our very young adult children, after checking that the speakers were ok with it. The mourners were only shown from the rear when leaving the crematorium.
I thought I would never watch the video, but actually did so about a week later. I was astounded to see many people who I had no idea attended. Not everyone came to the Wake or joined the long queue to speak to me, so had it not been for the video I might never have known all of the people who came to pay their respects.
It really is a case of each to their own. I am content with my choice. I would have made arrangements to avoid filming anyone who didn’t wish to be filmed, or been fine with them not attending, but at the end of the day I had to do what and I and my children thought was right for us.

I think it's a nice idea to be honest. I can just imagine how it might pass in a complete blur and later you would like to look back and see who was there or share some of the moments with people who couldn't be there.

My family are RC and mass/funerals/weddings etc are all live streamed now, no one bats an eyelid. It's seen as completely normal.

I wouldn't put smiling funeral selfies on Facebook but I've never seen any either.

Sounds awful

uncomfortable
there was a woman taking photos at my df funeral in 1987, she had lived abroad and said how this is the only time people met up - i wasnt impressed

I think some people here are very judgemental. Grief and loss are the hardest of human experiences. And can also be very isolating.
Clearly for this family having some professional photos of the family and friends if their loved ones funeral felt right, and what they wanted to do.
People come together at funerals to remember someone's life. After a funeral the immediate family and partner can be very alone again. Quite possibly looking back at the photos will be a source of comfort and a way of remembering that person in the months and years ahead.
Best not to inflict personal views and preferences on the bereaved. Whatever works to get people through such times is absolutely fine, and not for others to make pronouncements about.

Well my husband died fairly suddenly and fairly young and I still find that very distasteful. And odd.

My mother-in-law gets a huge amount of comfort from watching the recording of my father-in-law's funeral service. There are also a handful of photos, none have ever been shared outside her living room and immediate family. I am sure she'd love to know how 'disgusting' that is.

Shame on you.

Not a photographer but i took some pictures of my df s flowers and the family members at the wake after.
My df was a photographer himself and a huge family man.
Ive got mostly my dd and myself and dh and a few of the little ones.
Non of anyone crying.
It was a celebration of his life and he would ve approved .

I stayed with a family in south India and the father had died. They showed me photos of the funeral including the open coffin. The daughters told me that many people from the village had attended including people who hadn’t known him, in their culture it was normal

Each to their own but it's not something i will be doing. We Didn't even gave a funeral for my Dad ( his choice)

We've had family friends do streams of funerals

I'm not criticising people who do it.

But, I would discreetly slip off if I arrived and found that was happening. Is it the norm to tell people in advance?

We have not watched the livestream or any videos after.

you dont have to tell her random mumsnetter's response then do you

@Beargrumps22 They've definitely still taken names at the last few funerals I've been to. I hope that doesn't stop completely as I still have the list of people who attended my DDs funeral 7 years ago and have looked at it a number of times to remind myself of who was there. On the day I obviously didn't see everyone who was at the service and not everyone came to the wake. I don't think I'd have wanted photos or videos though.

I was at a funeral recently of a youngish person and lots of photos being taken due to family over from Oz. Seemed very strange but at the same time touching in a way because it was a funeral that had brought a family back together. I suppose people will have their reasons, but not my kind of thing.

I recently saw on my FB that a very old friend from the estate we grew up on (not seen in 45 years) had posted a photo of her and family posed behind an open hearse with coffin still inside. It was clearly intentional as a gap had been left for the coffin to be seen.
On occasion we have asked a family friend to linger behind and take photos of the flowers with the cards attached as we once ended up in a terrible tizz because we thought X's flowers hadn't arrived,

Not at the funeral but we took photos at the wake after my mums funeral
My dad realised there are relatives that we haven't got photos of since they were babies, and a few people asked to have some photos taken together
So me and my auntie, my cousin, me and my dad. Nobody who didn't want photos and it wasn't in the funeral itself

One of the most beautiful videos I've seen was from a guy who was hired to do birth photography/video, the baby was born and not going to survive and they asked him still to do the video. It's incredibly filmed

My mums funeral was live-streamed for family abroad who couldn't make it. The camera mainly focused on the front row, the coffin and whoever is doing the service. You don't generally see anyone further back than the first couple of rows. I've watched the video after. I found it comforting as honestly, during the service, I was too upset to take anything in.

What a mean thread.

Disingenuously disguising disapproval and encouraging others to come on and criticise a grieving woman for being ‘distasteful’. Dismissing one woman’s desire to preserve the memory of those who came together in love for her loved one as maybe a ‘thing’ now as if she’s an insta idiot.

Very unpleasant indeed. I hope she doesn’t see it. ‘

I've heard of it,never seen it.

I do take photos after funerals sometimes. Not posed ones, just of family together, as often people who aren't together regularly meet up. It may seem weird, but I have some great pics of family reminiscing etc

My DPs brother took photos of the hearse, the coffin, and some just of the day in general at my DPs funeral. He was 49 when he died, and my DS didn't attend the funeral (ASD and learning disabilities) but it meant he could look at the photos, which was really important to all of us, and would have meant the world to my DP. The coffin had photos around the outside, and was very moving to look at.
Looking back I think having a professional photographer would have felt a bit overwhelming, and we didn't want any pictures with mourners in, as it felt like encroaching on each person's very private grief, but I am glad we have the photos now.